My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

A contender for post of the week from jeff there mate...wise advice...im struggling myself at present...howay man !! Get turnin those negatives back into positives !! You CAN do this 😉

Thanks guys for the words of encourgment. No point in feeling sorry for myself. I was the one who made the situation I am now in and so I will be the one to get us out of this. No matter how long it takes.

I am now well into week 3 (minus 1 slip over a week ago now ) As the days and weeks go by I feel I can do this. It it will probably take me 2 years to get straight - maybe longer. The nice liftstyle has now long gone. I used to were nice clothes now I wear tescos basics 😉 One year i made over 600k and these days I need to make sure we have enough for electric and gas meter. But no point looking back. Just forward and no matter how broke I am I feel at least im getting my sanity back. Thanks again for the messages of support!

Onwards today No gambling. Blocked.

Today has been easy not to bet. But partly becuase I finished work early and went for a so called "power nap" which turned into a 3 hour sleep marathon. Think I burned myself out at the weekend 😉 Have not done much work today but have not gambled so Im content with that for today.

The wife is going to the local supermarket to buy lots of junk food for tonight - comfort food then its a few DVDs. Will not gamble for the rest of today and certainly will NOT Gamble tomorrow. Onwards Blocked.

Hi Blocked,

Many thanks for posting on my diary. I always appreciate your kind words and encouragement.

Congratulations on your own progress too - you are doing great. I can sense a lot of positivity from your posts. Keep going and keep posting on here. There are a lot of amazing people on this site including you don't forget and we are all here rooting for you.

Hope the DVDs and junk food goes down well tonight - kinda putting me in the mood to do that now.

Stay strong Blocked - together we can beat this!

Micky D

Hows blocked today then...you are using your diary to the full at present...if thats the way to stay of this evil then so be it..by the hour by the minute if need be i say...many diaries have disappeared recently but i will always use these diaries as a valuable tool of my recovery and it seems to be working for you at present..long may it continue,noticed you said itll take you 2 years to be in a better position and that is something to take a positive out of....wish i could say the same unfortunately itll take years 🙁 but every day bet free eases the pain and debts a tiny wee bit 🙂 stay strong mate we can do this 😉

Was not such a struggle not to gamble yesterday. In fact I knew it could not be an option for me. As the days go by without gambling I want only to get stronger. Im scared of those urges though because when they arrive they come quickly fast and very e***n hard.

Tomorrow is pay day again and it will be my 3rd payday (i get paid weekly) without using that as an excuse to have a "small" bet. This place is a lifeline for me at the moment. A Place where I can be honest - where I can explore learn and see what other people are going through. A place to get help and encourgment. Maybe a place where I can offer support. Financially its as bad as yesterday and tomorrow will not get any better. But the wife bought food yesterday - the children ate well yesterday!

Yesterday I did not gamble - today I will Not gamble! One day at a time!!!

Blocked out,

Congratulations on week 3 mate, I totally agree with you regarding the urges, sometimes they come out of no where but you have been so strong and doing excellent.

Take care mate

Getting urges today. An email from xyz casino offering xyz . When gambling I would jump all over this kind of thing. makes it hard though. A tricky few hours coming up. How to get through this. I know that I can if I want to. I detest my weakness in such moments. Have NOT gambled. Do NOT want to Gamble.

Hi Blocked

Just browsing the diaries and saw your last message, I want to offer some support because I know from past experience those emails are danger points.. if you can, delete it and try to forget it. Hard I know especially in the first weeks. I remember from reading your diary before that you don't find online blockers helpful for various reasons? So am I right in saying you are trying to do this through sheer willpower? From my own experience I needed to be barred from online AND I needed the support of my husband to speak to whenever I had an urge - in fact I asked him to be in control of the computer and the online blocking system and he agreed. Again, I don't know if this is an option for you?

For now I will leave you with 2 reasons not to use that offer. You probably know them already but it doesn't hurt to restate things:

1. A lot of money, time and research goes into these campaigns by the companies, they are designed for one thing only - to part you from your money in the quickest way possible. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FREE MONEY!!!!

2. This one helped me when I was feeling really angry at the companies: any wins or profits you make gambling (if you imagine this in your mind) - I tried not to think about it in terms of getting money off the casino. (Because these offers really made me feel like I "deserved something back off those b*****ds" and this caused strong urges). Instead I imagined any "free" money or wins as coming directly out the pockets of other compulsive gamblers, perhaps the last straw for someone else, if that makes sense. Dirty money, blood money, I don't want it.

Hope this helps

4D

Hi blocked.

Great to see you still going strong mate. Thanks for popping by my diary. It's nice to know that people are rooting for you.

Keep fighting those urges pal.

Curly.

Thanks 4d and Curly for your messages of support. Will reply to to you both seperatly. Lots of food for thought on your message 4d!

Well did not squander my money yesterday. Urges came and went throughout the day on into early evening. Its good to wake up knowing the bank is intact. Was a strange day though yesterday - lots of thoughts going round in my head about what I have done - where I am going. If I can keep this up I might be able to plan for the future again like I used to. Heres to another day without blowing my brains out!

Hi Blocked,

How are you?

As I used to say in business, but I was lying to cover my gambling, but its true.

Look after the downside and the upside looks after itself.

So in short take each day at a time and dont gamble and you will be on the road to happiness.

Smokes out :o)

Busy day yesterday which was good I suppose. Kept me gamble free. Another day gone without loosing my brains. Its good to see that my last deposits to casinos are now a few weeks old. Aint seen that in a long time. Heres to another day Bet free!

well done blocked out. its great to see you are in control and not giving in to your urges. it does definately get easier, at least ive found it has for me anyway.

i really hope you can turn the corner and the urges can be a thing of the past. keep up the good work and stay strong. you are doing really well and you should be proud of yourself

Thanks all for messages of support. Another day yesterday without wasting my hard earned money on gambling. It was an easy day. Dont think I have been this far into a betfree life for years! But not really so much counting the days. Just taking it 1 step at a time. Can they really be a life after gambling ?

Was also good to see this morning car insurance paid by direct debit. This kind of thing has bounced alot in the past. Heres to another day with a bet. Onwards Blocked.