My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Did not gamble my money today. Wife went shopping today. We will eat food tonight. Its raining buckets outside. I have a bad head (to many beers last night). Money continues to be a constant worry to me. But a few things have been paid but just not the important stuff. Its taking a long time to get past all the 1000s lost.

Oh and a ray of hope. One certain ewallet thing I used to fund my addiction no longer accepts visa electron to load funds with. And as I am now officially begger class with only the lowly electron card I have no other way of funding this account - which is going to be a great help to me long term! d**n I remember the days of platinum visa cards with sky high spend limits. But in poverty there can also be found peace of mind. I was an arrogant sun of a b****h in the past. It was high time I got pulled back down to earth. I feel good today. Keep going one day at a time. Blocked.

Crashed early last night so was up 7am this morning. Cleared a back log of work from home. Its Saturday which was always a bigger day than most to gamble for some reason. Urges start to kick in. I think about should I ? Feel ok and in control at the moment but when it comes the desire to gamble it comes on fast N hard.

Think im going to take a stroll into the village grab a beer and a sandwhich and sit awhile. Hanging around online all day cant really be of help. Another day went by yesterday without a bet. Today I can NOT and Will Not gamble. Blocked.

Just say NO! today please mate!

Like you Saturdays used to be a day of doom when I would give in to the urges. But now, I love the fact that I have just had a free exercise session (3.5 mile jog), bacon butty to come (home made), housework (free but worthwhile!) and an afternoon of ** *** HD (not quite free but better than going to the pub and downing expensive pints!).

Enjoy your beer and sandwich at the village pub. Online betting has never been my forte and staying off the Internet will do you the world of good. Great choice!

GT

Thanks for posting on my diary Blocked! Just wanted to say I really appreciate the support. True, Saturdays are the days with most temptations to gamble but stay strong and have a nice weekend without gambling!

-Jer

Hai Blocked, just a flyer to bump you back up........

Hope you had a gamble free weekend, in just a short space of time, you've made strides in this long journey we're embarking on and going to reach.............

Onwards buddy

Nowthen Blocked,

Hope all is good with you and you are dealing with issues without feeling the need to gamble.

There are loads of people on gamcare willing you on to succeed. Post an update soon.

KEEP THE FAITH.

YOU CAN DO IT.

Have not been on here for well over a week. Had quite a few family issues to deal with. Cant dont really want to get into here right now. In fact it was a horrible week all round. Glad its over. More later. and thanks for the messages of support in my absence 🙂 Blocked.

Another day still here. Still on the straight path to recovery. Last week was full of low points. My mum who suffered a stroke a few years ago had a very bad fall. She is hardly mobile. This has set off all kinds of complications. My dad is very down at the moment as he is full time carer. Then our beloved daughter got into some right mess at school which we had to sort out. Seemed like no matter which way I turned they was misery. But showed me also that its not all about me. Life goes on, people I love and care for need my support.

Somtimes I get so wrapped up in my own self my own recovery that I forget others almost the same way as I do (did) when gambling.

Bright side of this I paid the morgagte. Hurray. It was alot of money but its stable again at the moment apart from being 6 months almost in arrears. Small victorys. Another day without a bet. Forward we go. Blocked.

Hi Blocked

Small victories count m8.

You have won the first battle and now to win the war.Stay strong Jeff.

Thanks Jeff for the reply an support.

-------------

I am at a point where I have not been for so long. A good few weeks now without having to face the loss of a gamble gone wrong. But then what is a right gamble ?

I am so lucky with the most caring wife, kids I will DIE for , addiction I have never wanted to cure = until these past days.

My addiction is all consuming - and the fact I can not = will NOT feed it. But it is still there. I wanted to destroy everying last week when the "chips" were down. i didnt but thats no mean feat as so much already destroyed. But I do feel good so much in the fact as I have resisted the terrible urge to gamble. I do MUCH DETEST THIS ILLENSESS I DETEST EACH AND EVERY CASINO FOR ASSISTING ME IN A LOW CALM VOICE TO FOLLOW THEM AND RAPE ME OF MY LIFE!

I will I feel right now never give another penny to these worthless f*****g shitbrains that portray themsevels as a legit business. Im so Glad they have not seen my or my childrens dinner money the past 3 weeks. Mr Casino are you reading ? Take heed. Rant over Blocked.

Irritated at the moment. A few things pressing on my mind. Feel restless and unmotivated. Next week I have to abroad work and such like. Need to re-focus my attention on ensuring I beat my "illness" of gambling. Being away gonna make it somwhat harder i know that for sure.

Aint been here alot the past week or so. Dont know if its lethergy - dis-interest - no idea. Somtimes and I dont mean this in a negative way but somtimes this place can grate on you. So much suffering in many of the diarys and broken promosies (yes my own hand is high in the air on that one) so much waste. Still I know being here is a vital part of my own recovery.

Maybe time to re-visit fully what others are going through. Back on the wagon so they say or at least Graham did in chat today - which is true 🙂 Tired steps but they are steps .. onwards. Blocked.

Hi Blocked,

Many thanks for the 100th post on my diary mate. I really appreciate the time you take to do it.

I am really sorry to hear about your Mum mate. I hope she gets well very soon.

Many congrats on getting the mortgage paid Blocked. I am sure it gave you a little boost when you paid that. I am tackling over £13,000 in credit card debt myself at the moment so know what if feels like to make a payment like that.

I also share your view on this evil addiction. It makes me so angry. Not sure if you seen these new TV ads for the bookmaker Will*** Hi**? They are awful - they have slogans like "I will bet on the last scorer", "I will be on....". They make me want to vomit when I see them.

No worries on not being on here much either Blocked. This is your diary so you post when you want to.

Stay strong mate, keep in touch and I know that one day at a time we will beat this evil demon together.

My thanks to you again and hope you have a fantastic gamble-free weekend.

Micky D

Wow! Mortgage paid for! That must make you feel so good, eh?!

Another 15 or 20 years for mine though...

Have a great gamble-free weekend.

Getting There

Thanks for the messages guys! I have a set cure not to gamble. Be blessed with a stinking cold. My head has felt like it is going to blow up. 3rd day of this d**n sickness. And god I have to take a flight tomorrow morning. But was so sick of being sick in bed crawled out of my pit to catch up on whats been going on here. Onwards with a very sore head. Blocked 🙁

P.s misunderstanding I only paid 1 months morgagte not the whole lot 😉 Still a zillion years to go on that but thanks anyway 🙂

Now Then Blocked

Hope the head hasn’t actually exploded and you’re feeling well again.

I read that you felt that gamcare sometimes grates on you, I can 100% relate to that, when I first started my abstinence I stayed away from the site for around a month until I felt I was strong enough to deal with not just the heart renching story’s but with the gambling talk as a whole BUT I think this site serves its purpose well (communication and support from other addicted gamblers) and I certainly give it huge credit for helping me.

Hope family life is going well and you are keeping gamble free.

Keep The Faith