Have not posted here since the 19th of this month. Have / was busy with work travel family life and of course gambling. No financial damage was done which I suppose is ok but the damage to the brain continues. I was so fed up today even with the winning becuase of the amount of time wasted online gambling (when I gamble I am not working and when I dont work with 100% effort income suffers so I suppose there has been loss of some kind )
anyway fed up fed up.
Its another thing I have learned about this addiction what it does to your head, it numbs you , your sat outside of reality. God the hours wasted.
I have been reading now and then other peoples diarys, some have re-commited to try overcome the addiction, some have very much overcome the addiction, a few others who knows. Myself I think i fit into the category of long term continual failed at trying quit. My diary is pretty long by now which shows just how long I have been trying to over come my gambling habbit. So here I go again. Maybe time to scrap this diary and make a fresh new start ? Onwards Blocked.
Hi Blocked.
Good to see you still trying to beat your demons.
As one who has started many new diairies i would say to stick with this one. If you read it back then you will be encouraged to see that you have managed long periods of not gambling. Maybe you can also find some lessons as to why you have lapsed?
The one constant in all this remains that our lives will be better without gambling. All the more reason to stay quit then!
Keep fighting blocked.
Ok so today I make a fresh renewed effot to overcome my addiction finally! How many times I have said that I have lost count but here am I saying these words.
The last month I have wasted so much time in gambling online, the financial damage did not happen this time round. In fact and I say this with trepidation as I do not wish to encourage anyone to gamble but in fact I am Not down on the money stakes. But it is only a matter of time before I go bust again. Its vital for my own sanity that I really do re-commit to stopping for good.
A few reasons to myself which might have prompted this. A Credit card company rang me the other day chasing 10000s I told them to hit a certain prepaid card that i have which is /was used to fund my gambling. I use this tactic to buy time of a few days etc stupid n sad I know but still .. They said they would charge an amount today. That was a few days ago. Yesterday after some drinks I did gamble I won and withdraw to this ewallet card. I had forget about the cred card company - lo and behold they charged and got their payment. Lol I had to laugh as it wiped out the win but then I thought hey hang on - its 1 cred card that is actually up to date now and i would have gambled it away anyway. Sure they are another 7 cards maxed o/d over limit etc but its somthing at least. I also called our morg comp about the house and have managed to get reduced payments for the next 24 months. Interest only. This will half our morg bill.
Sorry for the long rant but I just need to get this all down if only for myself. Today is as good a day as any to REquit. Onwards Blocked.
HI Blocked
Really good to see you want to commit to stopping gambling because you realise it's no good for you and NOT because of a loss.
That is the real motivation for me too and it is what keeps me away even when I could afford a wee game and it appears to be a good idea.
Why involve yourself in something that is damaging your life and soul? No brainer, eh?
All the best to you - You CAN do it!
love,
Lili xx
Hi Blocked
thanks for posting on my diary. I've had a little read of yours and see it's full of ups and downs. But on a positive note, at least you're getting back up after a fall and trying again! It is tough but i've found so much strength from many people on here who've had things so much worse then me but are putting their livyes back on track. Stick with our diary, i know mine is helping me more then i could have imagined. Keep positive thoughts, good luck
Tilly x
No gambling today. Just read Seano post on fobts and i made a reply there. Had to laugh as d**n I know how fixed online gambling is and yet still I go back time and time again. What a d**n fool I am! I will use my anger and disapointment at myself in life today to choose not to gamble.
I have some money in the bank which is amazing in itself - this will be used for real world things such as paying a bill feeding the kids - oh and taking them to a fireworks display. This time last year I remember we went to the fireworks show with about £20 to spend. Its was difficult kids wanting to go on rides and have hotdogs etc. What a great dad eh! This year I am going to make it up to them they can have as many rides and as many hot dogs as they like. The casinos can go to hell! Blocked.
Thanks for adding the valuable extra info on the FOBT thread blocked:).I really hope that this time you can kick your addiction into touch mate:),it just goes to show the "power" this addiction has, when in spite of everything we know we are still tempted to gamble.
Seano.
Thanks Seano and yes mad aint it even with knowing what we do we still are tempted and think we can get ahead. So bad its almost funny. Just gotta be stronger that the addiction i suppose.
Cracking last post Blocked, we all used to associate times with having no money, it mist be great to have and not want to save it as kitty money.
Have a great weekend with the kids matey 🙂
Smokes
Well I have finally done it. My addiction has beaten me. I have blown almost every last £$EU over the past 48 hours.
I have a flight to take to get my Son back to school (he lives abroad) I have the tickets, but zero funds for travel to the airport or food when I arrive.
Tonight I am fully back in the midst of my own self created nitemare. My wife is on the phone as I type this telling her freinds what an absolutly t@sser of a husband she has. Best of all she still thinks I DO NOT GAMBLE. LOL e***n LOL.
So where does me go from here ? I have no idea. Im in the bottom of the pit now. Debt up to my balls and continual failures at trying to overcome this f*****g addiction! Maybe it is best to stop trying to quit and go the whole 10 yards. Loss of house, wife, kids, liberty. Yes liberty as im up to my bollocKKs with inland revenue and hey thats a whole other chapter in my book.
Anyway above just words from a looser. No need to reply - i know the advise - I hear the well meant comments. I have given advise myself here before - to others with the same addiction. My advise is Do NOT listen to me. f*** IT.
Blocked. ..how many chances do you want mate !!! Unless you do something about this NOW !!! With no barriers in place your right you'll NEVER beat this. ..carry on as your doing and you WILL lose everything. ..and I can assure you mate ITS NOT VERY NICE !!!!
Blocked,i know i don't need to tell you how much "power" this addiction has,your an intelligent man:),......now is the time though for you to hold your hands up and tell your nearest and dearest that you need help,you can't beat it on your own,surrender all control of finances and access to money to your wife mate.
Best thoughts to you ,Seano.
Blocked, f****k this, f***k that and f*****k every thing, i can sure relate to that. Time to get up again, no surrender, you're not a loser bud just caught up in this destructive shixe....
Your choice, no well intention words from others is going to make any differnce what so ever. I personally never admitted to my Mrs of 17 years, now 'x' and remarried. A lesson for me, now i dont give a toss who i tell so i truely echo seano, stand up and face it full on....
Sooooooooo diferent to other adictions and lot harder to get back up, 3/6/9 months abstinance so easily all lost in a 24hr binge...Get back up and move on, never beaten..........
On the floor - just found out my wife has been having an affair. Unreal unreal unreal
Hi blocked out, I think the reason nobody has posted is because nobody knows what to say....including me. Do what you need to do, write things down, hit a wall, call somebody who can talk with you. I'm sure everybody who reads your diary is thinking of you. Please take care. Russ
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