My Diary - Time to stop gambling for good.

Welcome to day 39 🙂

I'm thinking it probably wasn't a dream so be prepared for the questions & don't forget Gamcare offer support for friends & families too if she thinks it might help! If she has gone through your phone, that's sad (understandable mind) but I think your reaction has been very responsible! When gambling, I would have freaked @ an intrusion into my privacy, now it doesn't phase me one little bit! Even though my damage wasn't done online, my secrecy was everywhere! Not being afraid of the phone ringing or the postman has been one of my biggest reliefs!

I'm not sure I remember the gambling buzz anymore because I was so destructive towards 'the end' that the devastation & disappontment overtook everything. I have found my gym membership to be extremely rewarding & would thoroughly recommend it especially if you are planning on starting your marathon training with a knee niggle!

Keep busy living - ODAAT

Hi ODAAT thanks for stopping by, no questions yet, but we are away and not had too much alone time so they might come. If she has read it then this could even be a good thing, she knows most anyway and the thing she hates more than anything is the lying and over the past 39 days I have not needed to make up excuses and lie to gamble. Don't get me wrong if she had found out when I was still gambling that is different as that could have been the end. But for the sake of our relationship and our family I need to keep going on my recovery.

Completely agree with you about the post, I used to dread my credit card statement coming through and have tried to get to it first, but not now as nothing is hidden, just the massive interest they are charging me.

Yep the gym is definitely something I will probably sign up to, it also has spa facilities so that is tempting as well and Can take the kids, so a win all round.

No running at minute as knee still giving me jip, that's why I have been playing golf. The marathon will happen I am really determined to run through a ballot place or for a charity.

As for the buzz it is dimming with every day, like a light slowly being turned of. No urges last few days, life is good life is gamble free (39)

I'm busy living not busy gambling.

Hi Phoenix

Thanks day 40 is here in the blink of an eye, I will not get complacent, I have been here before, I know how this road goes, I am putting in lots of measures to make sure my recovery is long term not just for the moment and I truly believe that. Without hope we have nothing.

This site is giving me the motivation and challenge to make a difference in my life, stay gamble free and enjoy the time I have, I have spent far too long submerged in gambling, it's now time to come out of the underground and see what life really has to offer when I give it 100%

I am very aware this is the early stages of recovery, I have gone much longer before and slipped into relapse , I am keeping the belief I am now stronger, I have learnt from my mistakes and can continue my recovery path.

Day 40 today, next milestone day 50 and some pro v1 golf balls, bring it on.

Well done on 40 days Dazz,

Keep strong and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Great work on 40 days Dazz & thanks for dropping by 🙂

Great to see you have learned so much from previous attempts...You are so right, you absolutely can do it so long as you never get complacent! Come up & enjoy the recovery air...It certainly feels much better than the stink of gambling!

Keep living - ODAAT

Day 42 - 6 weeks gamble free.

Thanks everyone for stopping by, it really helps that others are supporting me through my recovery journey.

No urges recently, in a good place but don't worry I know this can change in a split second. Had opportunity yesterday but chose not to. Choice is a massive thing for me, I have come this far, I do not want to go back to square one.

Life is good, life is gamble free.

Only 8 days till the half century where I will duly raise my bat but in the acknowledgement that there are plenty more runs (days) left on my journey to an unbeaten innings (life).

Day 46 GF

Over the last week or so my mood has been a lot better, I feel the fog is slowly lifting, I know a low feeling brings on the gambling demons so just need to keep positive and in a good mindset. I haven't had any urges at all for the last week or so, my so called gambling days like today are no longer associated that way, the habit has been broken.

I take each day as it comes, I have done over 4 months before so am on the early road to recovery, nearly upto 50 days and them pro v1 balls, got to keep going. Paying off debts now which is a good feeling, no more pay day loans, I am keeping money low for now and joined a credit union so money goes via payroll without me knowing. This is just another trigger, I am due a large payment in cash soon so I need to get that into the bank ASAP, I am terrible if cash is In my pocket, I feel I have to spend it, I have never known the true value of money, my parents did not save and my dad is very compulsive in what he buys etc. My missus and her family are great at savings, so finally in a year or so I might be able to save some money and put in what I should be, today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Day 47 GF

I didn't plan to write an entry today but last night had some very vivid gambling dreams, I almost felt guilty when I woke up as it felt like I had been gambling (as I was in my dream).

Today the urges have come back, those horrible niggling thoughts that randomly pop into your mind, like a devil oh your shoulder coercing you into going back.

But today I am strong , my triangle is broken, my cards are at home, my will is not to get weakened and I choose not to gamble.

47 days to give it all up, no chance, I'm in it for the long hall, these feeling will die down, I just have to weather the storm.

Come on 50 days, not long now.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Well done on reaching 47 days gamble free you are doing great, keep up the good work 🙂

Thanks Chartom3 for your kind comments. Really helps that others are supporting me.

Hi Phoenix meant every word I said on my post to you, I know you have it in your head to do 100 days or nothing, but start with short term, start with a day build from there, don't plan too far ahead. You were here for me I'm here for you, that's how it works. Find the mental strength to stop and see gambling for what it is, it takes so much and gives so little, you control your life, start choosing to get it back. I'm routing for you, give it a shot, forget the past start with today.

Day 50 is here, just over 7 weeks gamble free.

I had a good period between 30-45 days but these last few days have been tough, partly because I have had money that hasn't made its way to my large debts, thus my triangle has been complete if I kept my cards with me (which I haven't).

That ends today credit card debt is getting a nice boost and other money is being siphoned off to other savings or accounts I cannot touch.

I've earnt my new pro v1 balls so will be buying them tomorrow, can't wait to hit them bad boys on the course and know what they mean, I'm smashing gambling 300 yards down the fairway 😉

This is the start for me, I see my gambling days as over, I know I have a massive problem with it, I cannot control it thus I must avoid doing it. I am filling my life with sport and exercise and more socialising this is working for me. I have been here before and need to stay strong which I will, I'm in recovery, it is a long and hard road ahead but my shoes fit to walk it now, I just need to stay on the path.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Day 51

Dreamt about gambling last night, not sure this is a good thing, as when I wake up the urges come on straight away. At the minute I have some money and paid some debts off but still have some left over, my compulsive brain is convincing me I need to spend it (doesn't have to be gambling) but the dreaming didn't help.

I am staying strong but need to continue to remove money ASAP otherwise my mind kicks into overdrive with how can I spend it, I wish I could turn on the saving part and switch off the compulsive spending brain.

Over 50 days rewarded myself with pro v1 balls, now next milestone is 10 weeks gamble free, I can do it, just need to keep being positive and it is a choice, my life is getting better through not gambling/lying etc just need to stick with it.

Today is a good day, today is a gamble free day.

Day 54 GF

Today is a tough day, the one last bit of gambling shame in me came to the forefront today.

About 5 months ago while in the heights of my gambling addiction I decided to withdraw some money from my kids savings, lowest of the low eh, (with the intention of paying back) at the time I did this to pay off pay day loan debt and still have some over to gamble with, I saw it as a short term fix and that I could increase payments to pay it back.

Today the 6 month payment schedule came through the post and my missus opened it. To say she is hurt is an understatement at this stage I do not know it we will survive this and I cannot blame her at all, as a gambler I am a compulsive liar, I stole money from her family , from our kids, I am the lowest of the low.

I have probably lost it all and it's all my fault, when gambling my morals go out of the window, now I have been GF for a while I can see it.

There is no other way forward I must surrender all money to her, in the hope I can gain her trust again , my recovery is ongoing, I'm not sure our relationship is.

Today is still a good day, today is a gamble free day. Even with this happening my instant reaction is to go and gamble, block it out. Live in my gambling bubble, but I won't do that, I have come this far I cannot lose now.

ODAAT

I guess that means she definitely knows now then! Good on you not running to the bubble...This is progress 🙂 Offer her the help that is out there, answer her questions no matter how ruthless they are & never give up giving up! Our addiction thrives on secrecy & now this is out, you have the chance to lay all those evils to rest! Yes, it will hurt, yes, you still have a long way to go from here & yes, she may never trust you again with money but you have no alternative but to keep fighting! I really hope she finds it in her heart to stick by you, support you, understand how difficult recovery is but whatever happens, you cannot go back! Life with Mr Gamble sucks!

Keep winning Dazz - ODAAT