My journey

So I decided that a good way to show how far I’m going to come etc is to write an entry on this each day or every couple of days ..

A brief overview of my gambling- I have gambled for approx 10years. Started off with the odd £1 scratch card and the odd £2 spin on online slots- no biggy. Similar to everyone on this the bets got bigger and more frequent over the years. Had a couple of big wins and lost them and so on. Last year I found myself in approx £20K of debt ..£400 odd a month on minimum payments alone and decided to enter in to a trust deed. This gave breathing space and I managed to not gamble using gamstop until the start of this year where I dabbled again .. couple big wins then spent them and more as the months went on .. a month ago was another win that got spent and ended up spending about £1000 over that in a week .. everytime in the last ten years I’ve managed to pull my losses back but not this time .. this time I sat totally besides myself, I felt sick, I threw up, I panicked .. I looked at my life and how disappointed I was, how I wanted a fresh start, how being on the trust deed means I can’t evem buy a house regardless if I saved the deposit or not. I sat thinking how I wish there was a big start over again button of life. However there’s not. 

So im 28 this year and decided that enough is enough and I want to work on making myself proud of myself and fighting through this horrendous addiction. I have my first 121 phone counselling session this Tuesday. 

Today i I had zero urges to gamble and feel like I’m coming out the rute I was in a couple of nights ago. I feel empowered and I feel ready to take this one day at a time.