My first experience of gambling came at age 15 when me and a few friends gambled on ufc one night. This went on for a few years of small bets and no harm was done. Then I started gambling on anything I could sports spending alot of money I didn't have. I racked up 8k in debt at age 20.
I came clean to my partner and parents who supported me through it. I worked my a*s off for the next couple of years clearing all my debts and started saving for my first house going 2 years without a bet. I then slipped up again and began betting again. However I noticed pretty quickly that it was becoming a problem and stopped.
I went another 2 years without a bet. Got my first house with my partner and everything was going well until 3 weeks ago I found out I'm going to need to go for surgery and it hit me hard. I buried my feelings into gambling again!
I can feel my life quickly spiralling out of control again. My relationship with my partner hasn't been good due to me not being present at all. I've went through all my savings. I'm just getting by in work without getting noticed for doing nothing the last month. I've stopped going to the gym and taking care of my mental and physical health.Â
My partner doesn't know as I don't want to disappoint her again. I've self excluded online and got gamstop on my phone to block apps.
I've never tried a journal before hopefully writing my thoughts down well help me get it off my chest.
Day 1 of many
Journalling really helped me in my recovery. Remember the path to recovery is not linear but it doesn’t mean you have failed. I understand how hard this is. I gambled every day for  13 years before getting help. Our un helpful coping strategies are well established In our brain and difficult to overcome. But I think the fact you recognise you have spiralled is a huge step and you are back here shows your commitment. You want to change and that is how I know that you will get through this. Sending my support to you at this difficult time. Remember you are not alone! - Things do get better, keep going on this journey you will come out stronger than ever
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