My journey to a better life

Hi RIghtchoice good to see you have started a diary to really help you stick at it this time. To do this you are going to have to really committ to being gamble free and put all the barriers you can in place. You will know from being a member on this site all the things you can do e.g elf exclusion, software blocker etc depending on how/what you gamble on. Really focus on how you are going to kick this addiction this time and what you are going to change to make sure you stay gamble free.

You mention you are feeling low, is therapy something you would consider? If you are not ready to tell your loved ones at least having an outlet in therapy will give you someone to talk to and work with whilst you become ready to share this with your family.

I wish you all the best on your journey and will pop back into your diary to learn more about your story - all the best!

Hi rose.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Yes I definately think I need some form of help/support and have been debating which route to go down. I have considered my gp as a first port of call but unsure whether this would be the right place to turn.

At the moment I have no money with which to gamble. Tomorrow I get 1300 paid and next week will be around 1500 so I can quite easily build up some funds quickly. I think due to being paid weekly I have become complacent as I know it isn't long to last until I receive more money. I have had a nice eveningwith the kids and am going for an early night as I'm up at 6 for work. I usually look to put a football accumulator on Fridays and at the weekend but am determined this week will be different.

I hope to keep posting my progress.

So today has been relatively easy. I've worked and then went out for tea with the family. No urges to gamble and back working tomorrow so hopefully I'll make it through the weekend. The test will come for me in a week or so when my available funds are greater after getting paid. At present I am off the back of some large losses and don't have much spare. I am trying to put the gambling at the back of my mind and focus solely on day to day things by living in the present. It's not easy but I'm hoping in time it will become easier.

I will continue to read others stories as I find this helps knowing I'm not alone living with this horrible addiction. An addiction I've lived with for as long as I can remember and one that has progressively got worse,eating away at my self esteem and destroying my once positive and outgoing nature.

Only time will tell if I can beat this addiction but if I make the right choices and keep fighting I know I can.

So the weekend has passed without any gambling. Yesterday I worked until early afternoon and today has been a family day. It's been enjoyable,but I still have the nagging thoughts in my mind of my recent big losses and how long it a going to take me to get over them.

I do have a few hundred quid at my disposal but need to get through this week without touching this then I will get paid again Friday. The next fortnight will be a real test for me as I try to refrain from gambling any if the money I am going to earn. If I focus my attention on working hard and helping out around the house more I know I can do it.

It's not easy at the moment but I'm sure life will get better/easier as time goes on.

Busy day at work today so no gambling. Picked the kids up from grandparents after and they're now tucked up safely in bed. Thought i'd pop on here briefly for a quick read and update my diary but time to go now as the missus has jobs lined up for me tidying around the house in preparation for our eldests 6th birthday coming up!! Feeling ok today, still the huge pang of guilt for all the money ive wasted over the years and the fact i have been bailed out by my parents only to get myself in even deeper. But if i remain gamble free i can repay my debts without too much hassle. £30k is a lot but i am willing to work my socks off to pay it back.

Another GF day. Tomorrow will be a week and Friday pay day so big test not far away. Trying not to think too far ahead though and just taking it 1 day at a time. I am determined to succeed this time and fully commit to abstaining from gambling. I have tried in the past to limit myself to sports bets but that didn't work. I have had wins of a few k on the slots but again that just got spent again pretty quickly. It seems the only reason I crave money is to fund my gambling,not to put things right and pay off my debts. Even if it takes me 3/4/5 years to be debt free it will be worth it if I have been living my life right along the way.

Evening right choice great name.

Well done on week tomorrow. You don't want bailing out again it just makes you think you can get away with it again.

Did you look into the counselling? Might be worth calling Gamcare they can offer foc gambling, I have not done but I understand the counsellors are experienced on dealing with gambling.

Anothor option is GA which I attend and find very useful.

Limiting your deposits didn't work for me maybe for a week or two but I was soon back in deep a steer clear of all gambling now even down to raffles.

Keep taking it ODAAT I look forward to following your progress.

KTF

Thanks for the post ktf. I have managed over the weekend to not gamble so that's 12days for me. Not getting carried away and one day at a time like you said.

Went to the coast on Monday and refrained from any form of gambling (even the 2p machines as I see those as where it all began over 20 years ago!). The only thing I played was a grabber machine and managed to grab my daughter the lolly she wanted! I enjoyed spending a few quid on those things as I didn't feel I needed to chase anything or keep feeding them with money. It just felt like I'd bought a little bit of fun and that was that. Another pay day around the corner on Friday and hoping to just carry on in the same vermin,keeping my guard up and not letting any dark thoughts of gambling win in my mind.

Good luck to everyone fighting their own battle,it's such a.nightmare condition to live with but I truly believe I can succeed.

Onwards and upwards!!

Early finish from work today and was so tempted to go to the bookies or even contemplated scouring the internet to open a new account somewher (not that i have many more options as im pretty sure ive registered atnearly every site!!). Instead i have come home logged onto here and thought id post this update (figured it would be a good future reference for when im looking for motivation that i can do this). I am struggling mentally to get my heac round the losses i have accrued and especially the fact i was bailed out by my parents only to get myself back into debt and more, prioving so hard to get over the guilt. I will keep persevering however as i wont let the gambling thoughts win. payday tomorrow and will keep it in my account.

You've taken the right decision today. Best step that. Takes a lot to do what you've done so be proud of the mini victory.