[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Whilst im still able to log in, just wonder if you want to swap email addresses?

S&B xx

Cheers to everyone who stopped by my diary when I was having a wobble. I want you to stay SB and you Bal. Bad days come and go. Bad stuff happens. We pick ourselves up and move on. Imagine if no recovering problem gamblers stuck around? It'd be rubbish for the new folk not feeling the sense of hope that we normally bring. 

Um, thanks Forum Admin. Pretty confused as to why my posts last night had a/w moderation written in orange under them but I don't disbelieve what you say if you say that is true. 

That will do regards recent posts and happenings and stuff. 

Sunday. 

I got up super late cos I didn't get to sleep last night. It was after breakfast time when I dropped off. Hubby kept me company alot of that time so he's earned brownie points. 

He woke me up and brought me my pills but he was in a boo. I could tell by the way he put the mug down. I put on my "nurturing parent" hat instead of my "who do you think you are" hat. I was patient and listened and realised he was in a boo cos the dog wouldn't eat her breakfast. 

I got up and went downstairs and found he'd put cold mince in with some dog nuts. Not very appealing. I poured it all into an old wok and warmed it up, put some extra mince and potato and gravy in from the pie I made last night and mixed it up and then got the dog excited by blowing on it and she wolfed it down when I eventually put it down. She ate the lot! Happy dog and happy Hubby! 

I went to job no. 1. It wasn't so bad. 

I then took the dog to a different park across Town. It's more of a dog walkers park. Like just a ring of people walking round and round with dogs on leads and too scared to let them off cos we are all in close proximity. The dog enjoyed the sniffs though. 

I then went to Auntie A's house. I had a cuppa with her and Uncle J and then she dismissed him cos she knew I wanted to talk to her and not him. I love him but he gets so cross with stuff he hears that he can't help speaking his mind with people like my parents and sometimes that isn't helpful. Anyways so I told Auntie A all about my badness and the money I've spunked on gambling and working hard to pay it back and paying Hubby's debts since he lost his job and just everything really. It wasn't all bad. Like I told her about school and my new job and good stuff too. I did cry some but it's all good. I told her I need to have someone I can vent to when I don't have Debbie anymore and she's happy for me to vent to her whenever I want. 

She also gimme a wooden dice that's about the size of an apple and it's got a different prayer on each side. I love it! 

I came home, tried to feed the dog some tea but she was having none of it. I went to job. no. 2. It was also not too bad. 

Then I came home and warmed up some pie for Hubby's tea and I cut his hair and trimmed his eyebrows and made him have a wash and a shave cos he was looking like somebody that doesn't belong to anybody. 

I went on chat for a spell. It was okay. 

I took Hubby to the pub for a couple. I reminded him that I'm getting the train on Tuesday to go out for tea and he pulled a face like he's really put out cos he will have to do something. I think I'll just walk. Sod him. I do so much for him but when I ask for something, I get annoyance. I know he's peeved I'm going out but I'm not going to buy into his badness. I want to go out to eat in an actual restaurant and I can't do that with him because he has zero social skills and is completely rude with people. 

I played some Pokemon at the pub and now I'm home to watch I'm a celeb. 

Oh, I stopped at the supermarket on the way to job no. 1 and got some bits including some beers and I'm gonna drink them cos I wanna sleep tonight. 

That is all. 

Drama x

Hi Drama

Im glad to see you have come back today after yesterday’s events - have no real idea what happened but very glad you have not let them stop you coming back. Rather selfishly I’ll admit, it actually upset me that I may not get to come here and do my daily night reading of your diary and also the fact that you wouldn’t have here to come to for support. Despite the ups and downs, it’s probably one of the only places we can be truly honest about things, and that is important to any recovery. 

I hope you get some sleep and have a better week in store; on here and in the real world. 

Take care

Bex

Oh drama.. You could write a bestseller.. 

Glad you are sounding more like you.. 

Life knocks you down. You get straight back up. And you lift us up too.. 

Have a decent day today. Look forward to more posts and chat xx boo 

Glad you chatted to your Auntie. It makes a difference to have someone around that you can trust to offload to. Go gently today x

Many thanks for posting on my diary Drama. I appreciate your support and encouragement.

Hope you have had a jolly old day and everything is hunky dory in the Llama household. 

Best wishes, barks and woofs to your dog who I think is absolutely wonderful even though we have never met. However I did see a lady walking a dog yesterday and wondered if it was you so I shouted at the top of my voice D R A M A L L A M A. The dog looked around but the lady was off like a startled hare, so I guess it wasn't you. The police are just taking a statement off me!!!!!

Wishing you every happiness for the remainder of the week.

Stephen x 

SB, I'm sorry I missed your post about swapping emails. I wonder if it wasn't one of them orange ones that you have to wait to approved? Anyway, at this time I'm going to politely decline. I am not very well in the head and I don't believe I am good company for anybody at the moment. I am still really cross with myself for how I spoke on email with Stacey the other night. I was angry mad and cussing and stuff (not at her like, at my posts being on moderation) but at the end of the day she is grieving and doesn't need me to share my badness. I just wanted to explain that it's really not you, it's me. When I am feeling more better mentally and think I can help, or at least be a half decent recovery buddy, I will deffo be up for it though. Please keep posting x

Stephen, I just roared laughing at your post. You daft beggar! If I ever hear anyone shouting Drama Llama when I'm walking my dog, I will assume it's you and not run away. Lol. 

Monday. 

I didn't want to go to work this morning. I was scared. Of myself really (not work, my job is ace) having to leave the relative safety of my house and go somewhere else. I don't wanna talk about this feeling and the thoughts and stuff . I'm just writing for diary purposes to remember the experience. I will remember what it was about. 

Um, I WFH. I was anxious all morning. I went on chat for a bit at lunchtime. 

I tried to think of summat I could do to get over the anxiety and hit upon the idea of going to the charity shops at a village called M. It's quite a well-to-do sort of area so you can pick up some right nice gear well cheap. 

As it happened nothing took my fancy but I found some swords. They are about as long as my arm and made of wood. I bought them both for 75p each. I took them home and me and hubby had a sword fight and doggy was piggy in the middle. It was brill! She then spent most of the afternoon chewing them and guarding them and then sleeping on them. I knew it would entertain her. She is a happy pooch. She has eaten sausages and dog nuts today twice. So that's good. 

I went and did both my cleaning jobs tonight and then drove to a village called K to give a chap called J the keys for both my jobs. I took the dog on the local village green there. We had a brief chat and catch up. He's a nice lad. He wished me a nice night out tommoz and says I've earnt it and him and D (the other lad cleaning with him tommoz) both appreciate all the times I've covered them so they don't mind at all. That was nice to get that recognition. 

I am going to a Tapas restaurant tommoz. I have to go to work at the office cos of a meeting. I hope the anxiety doesn't hit cos I don't have a choice. Then I have to drive back to see Debbie then go to Town and get two trains to go to a place called S to have tea with my mates. It's gonna be a right back and forth sort of a day but I get to play out so that makes me happy. 

Shoutout to the Gamcare Helpline who have helped me loads lately. I do appreciate it. 

Oh and I'm sorry for slating the Mod from the chat. I didn't realise they were stuck in a tug of war between private chats with people and stuff and I feel bad for getting angry mad. 

When you're wrong, it's important to admit it. 

Anyway, that'll do. 

G'nite all. 

Drama 

xoxoxox 

Hi Drama

Thank you for stopping on my diary and showing your support. You know without sounding creepy, I think I have a Drama Llama diary addiction hahaha. ? I must if come on at least three times this evening to check if you’d updated today. A compliment to you but also an indication on how exciting my evenings are! 

Half way through the dirty deed, checking credit reports - exciting stuff!

Btw, sleeping is overrated x

Sleep well and have a good evening tomorrow at dinner. Long overdue I reckon. 

Nite

Bex

Blocked. That is it. I am sorry but I tried to help you for hours and I am so very tired. My days are so very long. I cannot help you when I am seriously struggling to hold on myself. I am going to bed. I need to sleep. 

Wow, my intention of a little light humour clearly went wrong and was not taken the way I expected or intended. Sorry, in no way meant to cause any upset. I will remember that my banter is probably misplaced on the site.

I will refrain from posting on your diary in future. All the best on your journey. 

If you could see me Drama, I am smiling. Thank you for your lovely words.
Go easy today x

Enjoy your evening.. ?

Hi Drama

Glad our misunderstanding was sorted out. Hope you enjoyed your tapas, have a cosy night in with the hubby and dog and get a good night’s rest. 

Bex x

Posted by: Lonelysoul

Hi Drama

Glad our misunderstanding was sorted out. Hope you enjoyed your tapas, have a cosy night in with the hubby and dog and get a good night’s rest. 

Bex x

Wasn't your misunderstanding. I forgot that I normally comment on my last posts from people. I am proper grateful you are so kind and have forgiven me for my badness. 🙂 

It wasn’t badness Drama, just a tired Drama Llama who had had enough, which is understandable given the hours you work and everything else you have going on. No wonder you’re tired.

 Also a lesson learnt on my part is to not jump to a conclusion and to check first. X