[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Hi Drama

Glad our misunderstanding was sorted out. Hope you enjoyed your tapas, have a cosy night in with the hubby and dog and get a good night’s rest. 

Bex x

Posted by: Lonelysoul

Hi Drama

Glad our misunderstanding was sorted out. Hope you enjoyed your tapas, have a cosy night in with the hubby and dog and get a good night’s rest. 

Bex x

Wasn't your misunderstanding. I forgot that I normally comment on my last posts from people. I am proper grateful you are so kind and have forgiven me for my badness. 🙂 

It wasn’t badness Drama, just a tired Drama Llama who had had enough, which is understandable given the hours you work and everything else you have going on. No wonder you’re tired.

 Also a lesson learnt on my part is to not jump to a conclusion and to check first. X

Oh gosh. I'm so tired. I just posted a really long post about my day and then it didn't save for some reason. If I wasn't committed to this recovery lark I just wouldn't be bothered but I really wanna capture my days as they are. I'm gonna try again but if this doesn't post. I am going to bed. 

A rare night off. 

I am super tired today and not functioning well. I had to go to the office today because I had a meeting with my team. We had to run through an important technical document line by line and question by question to make sure we are all understanding and approaching things in the same way. It's super dull but has to be done. My colleagues were looking for my input like "Drama, you had a document on that" or "Drama, you shared some information on that" but I just couldn't engage with them because it's hard to concentrate without any sleep. I hate this. I solemnly promise that from now on, on a work night, no matter what, I will get to bed for midnight or I just won't do well. 

I left work at 2 and drove home speedy. I had 15 minutes at home for  a cuppa and a ciggie. Then I went to see my Debbie. When I got to the village M, there was a BBC film crew shooting stuff. I didn't know what but I clocked they were proper TV because of the big camera. I made a point of going in the Co-op for some pop just so I could walk down the street they were filming. I made it on the local evening news (in the background) and my mate from work saw me and posted it on social media. That was sooo cool. 

I went and saw Debbie. I didn't wanna talk about bad stuff. I really didn't. I told her that. She's very good like. I said I wanted to share my good stuff like winning my cases at Law School and seeing Auntie A. However, we got onto the bad stuff. Like me not wanting to exist anymore and them thoughts coming out of nowhere and me being too anxious to leave the house incase I did ought bad. She's amazing. We got to the root cause of it. Like this thing that happened in my cleaning job where I got dis-respected and how it triggered me to hate on myself cos I am so trusted in my day job but then to be put down in this job I have to do cos of my gambling badness has driven me mental. 

Anyways, we talked through all the scenarios of how I could've handled this situation and vocalised my unhappiness. She said there's like a billion ways this could have gone because I can never be sure how the other person will react. At the end of the day she was proud that I emailed the manager at the place I was cleaning and did eventually say how I felt in an adult way. However, I could've got to that point faster like. 

Debbie was also pleased that I was still going out with my mates from work tonight even though I knew I had to drive and couldn't drink or I couldn't get there on time by public transport. It shows that hanging out with my mates is more important than getting drunk. 

Anyways. I said more than this in my last post but I'm done in. I am super sleepy and off to bed. I will add to my post tommoz if I remember. 

G'nite 

Drama

XOXOXO

I forgot to mention my outfit yesterday. I wore that new LBD and some pretty black knee high socks and my ankle boots. I wore a chunky cross necklace, a military style waist length coat and I put a blue scarf on just for some colour. Didn't have time to do my hair but it didn't matter as it was raining anyway. 

For tea I had green peppers stuffed with some kinda stinky rank cheese, chorizo sausage in some sort of chilli and garlic stuff, tiger prawns and some salt and pepper chicken wings and I shared a meat and cheese board with my mate B. It was far too much food. I give it a good go but left some peppers and a couple bits of chicken. The peppers were pretty rank but you know, I've paid for them, I'm eating them. I left only 3. 

Today. 

I checked my log in page thing and it says 59 days which means at midnight I'll be 60 days free from gambling. It was alot easier the first time I did this cos I was busy with bills and fixing my mess. This time it's been super hard. I DO NOT want to go through this again. I will keep building on this GF time. I will keep dealing with the stuff that goes on in my head even if it feels embarrassing or painful at the time cos it's still better than gambling. 

Um, went to work for 9. Had a meeting with my mates about more of the same as yesterday, then this afternoon we had to talk about targets for the year coming up. Unfortunately for me, my boss had seen my targets from last year and wants to use them as a benchmark. Dagnamit! I was hoping to set the benchmark much lower so I could easily shine but the man is clever. LOL. 

I did an hours OT for the day job then left at 6 and drove to a place called W to pick up my keys from the boys who did my job last night. It was an hour and a half of a job driving there from work and then back home. I had a ham sandwich and a toasted hot cross bun and two cups of tea and then went to work. 

The first job was a nightmare, they've had building work done so I had to work like a dog to get it clean. Job no. 2 was not so bad. 

I am home in time to watch I'm a celeb on ITV+1.  

I've volunteered to do a report for my day job boss so I wanna get to bed by 11 so I can get in early and complete it before he comes in. I tried to do it this aft. but the maths was killing me. I think it'll be kinda cool to be sleeping on my two month anniversary of not gambling instead of being up and gambling. 

G'nite Godbless. 

Drama 

XOXOXO

Great work on getting to 60 days in an hours time Drama. 

Hope you have a good night sleep. 

Bex x

Do you realise drama how much sunshine you bring to a lot of rainy days on here.. ? Boo x

Just look back at your world 60 days ago. It is an amazing achievement Drama. Behind you in gf days but with you all the way. 

60 days. 

I did it! To say I am VERY happy would be a massive understatement! 

I did not go to bed last night. I stayed up counting down the minutes like it was Christmas then when midnight hit I went on the chatline and spoke to an advisor and said that I just made it to 60 days and just wanted to share summat good with you cos I always say bad stuff to you guys so I wanted to just share this moment. They did not get cross and I left real quick cos I wanted them to be available to help people who are struggling. It's important. I hope I don't get in bother for that. 

I did not wanna get outta bed this morning. I was super sleepy and the bed was warm and the house was cold. I ended up running downstairs and grabbing my work laptop and logging in from my bed. I promised this lassie in the office that I'd give her some coaching today and I chatted her to reassure her that I would be in after lunch to help her out. I keep my promises. 

At dinner time I was ready to set off when Hubby said we need some teabags, can you get some so I set off to Lidl and was half way there when I thought hang-on, he can drive, he could've done this?! I didn't say ought when I got back. I just give him the tea, he made me a brew to take with me. When I got in the car, he'd put a hot water bottle on my seat to warm it up so I had a warm tooshie on my drive to work. That was nice. 

I stopped at the charity shop and bought a xmas jumper and a leather pen holder desk thingy and some wooden puzzle games. 

I did that report for my boss. It was super complicated cos the reporting tool has one line for each month and type of business and our area had 3 periods of work per month but I found a way to do it. I grabbed my boss when I got into work and talked him through what I'd done. He was absolutely suited with it. 

I sat with that lassie for a couple of hours and she's very good at her job but lacks confidence. She was trying to suggest we do things in an informal way and not fill in the reporting tool but I explained it's purpose and function. I feel like she feels bad for telling people when they've done something wrong. I told her when she's been in a root cause analysis workshop and gets to see the people reporting back on solutions to the problems, she will feel the benefit of her work and she shouldn't feel like she's beating people with a stick. It's a really valuable piece of work and she's doing really well. I could see her grow in confidence and realise that she's not doing badly. 

I did 1 review in 1 hours OT. I left work at 5.30. 

I did both my cleaning jobs to a good standard and took a short break inbetween them to drop in chat. 

I showed Hubby my purchases from the charity shop and he claimed the leather pen holder thing for himself. I gave it up cos it's prolly too big for my desk anyway. 

I listened to a new playlist on Apple at their suggestion. It was some fun pop music. I really enjoyed the Daniel Bedingfield Track called I gotta get through this. Much more fun than angry sweary rap music. 

I am WFH tommoz and I don't have that extra job to do. I am gonna get my cleaning jobs done tommorow evening so I don't have any of that over the weekend. I am gonna do 5 hours OT on Saturday WFH for the day job cos I'll get that in xmas pay. 

Did I mention I am very happy? 

I feel like I've conquered this challenge. I know bad days will come but I feel like I may just be able to face them and deal with them now. 

I dunno. Just waffling now. 

N'nite. 

Drama 

xoxoxoxo

I am still smiling, I am so happy that you are happy ?

Nite drama x well done 60 ?

Boo x

Five - Keep on Movin' 😀 

That's a bit more upbeat than Jamie Woon ?

I wish I could bottle this feeling and drink it on my bad days. It's great. Just for diary purposes. You don't have to say ought. 

Billy Joel - In the middle of the night. Then I'm really going to bed. Feels like tonight has been a celebration for me. For making it and believing me. I am so very very happy. 

G'nite all. 

xoxoxoxox