[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Monday. 

I got to work for 9 o clock. I did some good work. Spotted some stuff that other folk had missed so that made me proud of myself. 

Some lassie from another floor died last night. It was a somber mood in the office. I didn't know her at all even when someone showed me a photo I couldn't place her so I cannot say I'm grieving. It was just an unpleasant feeling in the office. 

I went to Church at dinner time for the Eucharist Service. The local Parish Church for the area that I work (not my Church). I enjoyed the service. It was just me and two old ladies and two Priests and a Curate. I got to chat to the Parish Priest for a spell. It was comforting and helpful. I enjoyed receiving communion for the first time in months. I felt like calm and serene. Wish I still felt that way. 

I got a text from a cleaning pal asking me to do his job tonight. Major drama's. I said yes purely for the amount of drama that he put in his text. It's not necessary but he's in his 20's and kids do that. I would've done it no matter what cos he covered so I could have a night off. Anyways, so I'm thinking I'm now on for a 13/14 hour day so I should prolly eat summat. It's not wise to be doing lot's and not eating cos you put other people at risk. I'd hate to pass out at the wheel or summat like that. I had a lousy Chicken Curry with Egg Fried Rice and some spring rolls but at least I ate. 

I went to do my cover job. It was filthy. Reckon that's the real reason he wanted me there, to fix it before he gets inspected. He knows I do a good job. I put a shift in. 

Then I drove across town to my regular first job. On the way there, my brakes did a strange scary thing and I couldn't stop till I was 3 feet into a very busy junction. Luckily nothing was coming but it scared the pants off me. I called Hubby from reception of the job when I got there as I wanted his advice and reassurance about the car. He was cross at my explanation of the problem and raised his voice at me and was then laughing at me when I tried to explain that it felt like my brake pedal disappeared and my foot was scraping through the car on the road but I wasn't stopping. Like I'm not a mechanic. I can only say what it felt like. He stayed angry mad so I told him that I was really very annoyed that I'd asked for his help and he was just laughing even though I was genuinely scared about driving the car down a steep hill home. I hung up on him. Whichever way I drive from there is down a steep hill so I was babbing my pants. 

The job was spotless from last night. Just needed a tickle. However, the manager and the really fit guy were still there till 9.30. Like they never wanna go home. So I had to keep myself busy till they left. 

Then I went to Tesco and got a c**P ham n cheese roll cos I was flagging. 

Then I went to my regular second job. It wasn't too bad either so I did a light clean and left just now. 

I am home and I am having a beer and a f*g cos I don't care to be good anymore. I already feel like a kinda good person after talking with Father at dinner time. He thinks I'm a good egg. He gimme some reading to do. To help me out spiritually like. He says I can talk to him anytime. That is nice. 

I am tired. 

Laters. 

Drama. 

You are a good person I reckon, regardless x

I was a frightened earlier crossing a road at the bottom of a steep hill. My friend was really concerned and questioned why I was so nervous to which I replied: ......... "Dramallama might be coming down that hill and her brakes don't work"!!!!!!!!!

Evening good lady. Good to see you rocking through December with a smile on your face, fire in your belly and the good lord watching over you.

Your diary is an excellent read and always brings a smile to my face. 

Stephen x 

My Dad phoned me. He told me off for not being in touch for months. Saying they are cross and upset that I did that. They haven't bothered with me since I had an argument with a guy on their estate. The dog barked at him and his family and he got cross. It was my fault for leaving the windows wide open on the car. I apologised profusely because I understood that it was scary.

Anyways so it was a right to-do but my Mum and Dad used it as an excuse to not see me anymore. They phoned and asked me not to visit "for a while". I said okay but I'll wait to hear from you. 

So this is the thing. They NEVER bother with me except for my birthday. Every year is the same. They have special ringing secret codes with my 3 brothers so they know when they are calling and not anyone else and I can just never get past their secret ways. 

I love them but they want nought to do with me except on my Birthday. 

Then they ring me and tell me off and I have to apologise and say sorry and then visit them like they are the ABSOLUTE BESTEST PARENTS on the planet and appreciate my presents and then it's back to being invisible. 

This phone call has triggered me. I was in crisis but I called Auntie A and she talked me down from it. 

I am still very upset. I have to go do my two night time jobs now. FML. 

Sorry if this post isn't entertaining. It's just my life. 

Drama. 

Drama thinking of you xx 

So glad you called Auntie A Drama. The way I think of it is it's your family's loss that they don't have you in their life. Told myself that about mine. Surround yourself with folk who care. We do btw xx

For some reason half of my post is missing and I can't edit it. i think the summary was that it is ok to not feel great about your family. It hurts, but they have clearly hurt you. I write letters to my lot that I never send. It helps. Tip from my counsellor. 

Not too much to say other than love you drama x

There is nothing worse I can think of than hurting another GamCare colleague. If I have done that, I am so, so sorry. And that is sorry for you and not for me. Really do care about you tho x

Posted by: Murlo

There is nothing worse I can think of than hurting another GamCare colleague. If I have done that, I am so, so sorry. And that is sorry for you and not for me. Really do care about you tho x

Dude! You haven't! I cannot think what you think you did. I told you at dinner time. X

My posts are clumsy sometimes and I read them back and wonder what the hell.... 

I hope you are ok x

Dear DramaLlama,

I'm sorry to read your above post; it sounds like a really difficult situation and I imagine it must be hard to feel that you are being treated differently to your brothers.  I am glad to hear that you were able to talk to another family member when you were feeling so upset and that this did help you to feel better. It was also nice to read the supportive messages sent to you by Boo and Murlo. I know you have gone to work now, but if you do need anything else at all this evening, please do feel free to get in touch.

Wishing you all the best,

Forum Admin

My Day (in full). 

I "worked" from home. AKA Netflix and Nowt. 

I was not in the mood for work at all. 

I had a dial in and I told my team mates that I was sick of dial-in's and calibrations and stuff when we are 3 weeks behind schedule and this activity is sposed to be done once a quarter, not once a week. They are flogging it death. Now, I've said it politely for weeks but noone was listening and I was that side out to say pack it in cos we are a laughing stock in the compliance world cos nobody else does this. 

I went to see Debbie this aft. A little apprehensive about the drive cos of the car last night but not seeing Debbie. I got there early. I went to a charity shop for a mooch. I found a Super Dry Hoodie in Sky Blue with white vintage style logo on it for £6.99 and a Ted Baker Lunch Bag in Black with a Rose Gold bow and trim for the same price. Very very happy. So by the time I went to see Debbie, I was riding the crest of a wave of a post-shopping high. I told her. I filled in my forms and then talked about the last week and I told her what I thought about it all and I reckon I hit the nail on the head of all my thoughts and feelings and stuff. 

Anyways, so it was a good visit and I felt happy. 

Then my Dad phoned. Least said about that the better cos I'm just upsetting everybody since that happened. 

Then I went to my two jobs. 

Then I came home. My football team have won a game! 

Life is not all bad. Just feels like it sometimes. 

Drama. 

Posted by: Forum admin

Dear DramaLlama,

I'm sorry to read your above post; it sounds like a really difficult situation and I imagine it must be hard to feel that you are being treated differently to your brothers.  I am glad to hear that you were able to talk to another family member when you were feeling so upset and that this did help you to feel better. It was also nice to read the supportive messages sent to you by Boo and Murlo. I know you have gone to work now, but if you do need anything else at all this evening, please do feel free to get in touch.

Wishing you all the best,

Forum Admin

 

 

Thank-you for recommending this. I got told by the Chat Mod to do it and by you. I took the advice on board and I chatted someone. I wasn't in crisis. I wasn't drunk. I did not want to gamble. I told the person who answered the online call all of that. They could've cut me off there and then and said well, if you aren't in trouble then you don't need me but they didn't. 

I had the best conversation I've ever had with them. It was real good. I spoke about things that are happening logically and from a place like I would've done 18 months ago. I feel really good about that. I feel ever so grateful to that person for taking the time to listen to me. I dunno that I can put into words what it means to me to be able to do that. 

I feel happy and healthy. 

Drama. 

xoxoxoxo

Hi Drama

Sorry you had a bad day and I’m guessing from the post it’s your birthday? Or in the next few days? If it is ‘Happy birthday’ - sorry if it wasn’t that happy ☹️. 

Just seen your last post and glad you talked to someone. It sounds like it did a lot of good. Keep your chin up and that fighting spirit that all of us have come to love. 

Good night!

Bex x