[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Posted by: Lonelysoul

Hi Drama

Sorry you had a bad day and I’m guessing from the post it’s your birthday? Or in the next few days? If it is ‘Happy birthday’ - sorry if it wasn’t that happy ☹️. 

Just seen your last post and glad you talked to someone. It sounds like it did a lot of good. Keep your chin up and that fighting spirit that all of us have come to love. 

Good night!

Bex x

It's on Saturday Bex. I'm actually looking forward to it despite the drama with my folks. I'm gonna visit them early on in the day and get it over with. Then I'm going to see Auntie A afterwards cos I reckon I'll need the emotional support. 

I'm off to see Sleeping Beauty at the Theatre in the early evening and then I'll meet my friends at the pub. 

All in all. I'm hoping it won't be a bad day. 

Drama 

xoxoxo

Today. 

I stayed up super late (3am) so you know what that means. I don't wanna talk about it. 

I feel kinda numb today. Like maybe my broken heart is too broken to even try fixing anymore? I am not sad, angry, happy, just nothing. Kinda flat. I'll take flat though. It's better than being crazy. 

I WFH today. I emailed my boss last night to say I was WFH and why. I was 100% honest about why but worded it so it was not dramatic. Essentially saying that I am safer here but I don't wanna go sick, I love my job. I enjoy it. He checked on me at dinner and we had a chat and he seemed genuinely concerned so that was nice, I guess. 

I did 6 file reviews today. That's an impressive number given the type of work it was but given my feelings are in check or not there at all, I reckon that made it much easier to focus. 

I went on chat at lunch and just had Murlo and Boo to myself for a spell cos we didn't have a mod so I didn't tell them I gambled them cos I didn't wanna trigger anyone without them having support. 

I went and did cleaning job no. 1. It was alright. Then I went and got fish and chips and came home for tea. 

I went on chat at 8pm and told folk what I did but there was a mod there so they can look after folk if they aren't alright. I get worried about setting other folk off. 

Um, then I went and did job. no. 2. It was also not so bad. 

I re-shaped my Ted Baker bag today using some law books cos it was a bit flat and wouldn't stand up. Now it's all fixed and I just like looking at it. I don't know why. I have lot's of nice bags but this is my first trendy one so maybe it's that?

Mechanic is coming in the morning to look at my car. This is good cos it doesn't feel safe to drive. 

That'll do for now. 

Drama. x

Evening Drama, you recently gave me some very sound advice about focusing on myself, that is the abridged version. I heeded it.  It would make me even happier to know that you will do that for you. It might sound strange to say that I care about a virtual buddy but I really do. Love you and I am in your corner x

Posted by: Murlo

Evening Drama, you recently gave me some very sound advice about focusing on myself, that is the abridged version. I heeded it.  It would make me even happier to know that you will do that for you. It might sound strange to say that I care about a virtual buddy but I really do. Love you and I am in your corner x

Yes. You are correct. I must try and do that. 

As for caring about virtual buddies. I don't think that's strange at all. I care about you guys. You do get a sense and a feel for people when you chat regularly. It's not a fake friendship. It's very real. I appreciate your support mate. Honest I do. 

Love from Drama x

Evening Drama. 

Saddened to read that things have been getting you down and that you have had a stumble. It is a shame but these things do happen. 

My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

Stephen x 

Hi Drama,

If you have a setback you don't knock me back or hinder my recovery. You just want to make me grab your hand & pull you up onto the next rung of the ladder. Love & value yourself.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Drama thanks for your consideration on chat.. However having just read slowlearner. I echo his sentiments.. 

I'm there for you.. Ti's what I signed up for when I joined. 

Take care.. Until chat... Bye for now boo xxxx

That was nice to wake up to. Thanks guys. I especially like the mental picture I get of Al taking my hand and helping me up.

I think I figured out my flat feeling. 

If you stay up till the wee hours gambling and then wake up later in the morning then it's not a gamble free day. It's just another J****E gambler day and that sucks. 

Anyway so I chatted a lassie on the Helpline last night and essentially asked her to help me get to bed. I have zero shame these days. I explained about gambling yesterday and then after that we talked about Football and I snapped out of the zone and was suddenly very very tired and went to bed and slept till just now. 

I do feel much better than yesterday. 

Drama ?

Hello Dramallama

Sorry to hear about your lapse. Glad you're feeling much better for some sleep. Give yourself credit for the way you're handling your lapse - you are reaching out and asking for help, you're looking after yourself and most importantly you're staying on the recovery path. It would be so easy just to give up and say 'well I've lapsed now there's no point' but you have picked yourself up, dusted yourself off and carried on with recovery.

Hope you continue to find visiting the chatroom regularly helpful and you're welcome to contact the HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or the NetLine. We're open 24/7 now. 

Take care,

Forum Admin

Glad your little motor is back in good health.. 

Stay safe... 

.. Good nite. Sleep well drama. Boo ?

Day after Yesterday. 

Mechanic came at 8. The house was cold and I expected to be in and out with him so I put on some cargo jeans and a rugby shirt. It's blue and grey with horizontal stripes. I got it off my God-brother (Godmum's kid). His family (aunts and uncles) still buy him Christmas presents that are for an 18 y/o kid and they never fit so I get them. 🙂 

I WFH. I did not much of ought. 

The mechanic fixed a steering arm? Said my brakes are fine and I prolly just hit some leaves and the feeling I felt was just the ABS being brutal. He ordered a motor for the heater fans and came back at 4.30 to fit that. I know have heating in my car and no longer have to drive around with the windows open! This is sheer heaven. 

I went and voted. Then I took Hubby to the pub. I saw my drinking pal P. He's a good egg. He says he might come to the Theatre with me some time. That would be nice. 

I saw A who sometimes goes to my Church. We talked about Pastoral care at my Church which is pretty non-existent cos my Priest is deffo on the spectrum and doesn't do well with anything other than services. I said that the PCC has to take responsibility though because if he can't/won't do it then the Eucharistic Ministers should do it. I should know, I am one. I mean I haven't done it cos of my problems this year but I have done it for years because I knew he couldn't. I am still licensed to be one by the Bishop. I just can't offer support to people who are sick when I'm not well myself. It would be too much. 

I guess I am just miffed that I invested alot of myself into this Church and since I've not been well, the Church has not bothered to check on me once. That's very sad really. I would never have let that happen to someone else. 

I went to work very late. I've done my best but I'm tired so it may not be good enough. 

I am home now and watching the election results. 

That is all for now.  

Drama

xoxoxox

Oh! and I got an email from a casino site tonight saying they have blocked my account. Alle-flipping-luia It's funny cos it happened exactly when I was in chat with people talking about Christmas being Christmas cos we don't shorten Christ to X as in Xmas and then that happened so it was really cool. 

I feel like Jesus loves me. Not felt worthy of love in a while. Hard to explain. 

Sorry for being a big old bible-basher tonight but I have my faith. It's been lacking for months so it feels nice that I'm reconnecting with that side of my being. It's always been a huge comfort for me since I was small. 

I don't push my beliefs on others. I just have them. 

Drama. 

We all respect your beliefs drama.. If they give you comfort and strength then enough said. 

Happy Christmas ?boo x

Boo, thank-you for the post. I was feeling embarrassed last night like I was going on a bit so it made me feel better when I woke up. You are a good egg! 🙂 

Christmas Jumper Day. 

I had the day off work today. I woke up to that gambling hangover feeling. It's so strange but for like half a second I thought I had done it last night. I just couldn't remember. I very quickly remembered chatting with a lass on the Helpline who shares a name with someone that I adore and I remembered her making me belly laugh. She was very funny. It's just odd to have that gambling hangover when you haven't gambled. I was so scared. 

However, realising that I didn't give into it last night has injected me with so much positivity. I have had a great day!

I stayed in bed till Hubby brought me tea and toast. I got up and logged onto work for an hour. I had planned to finish a file so that one of my baskets was completed but my mate P chatted me. He's experiencing alot of pressure at work so I let him go on at me for an hour about it. He's listened and helped me often enough so I was happy to listen. 

I went on chat and had a good talk with Lou and Murlo. It was nice. I told Murlo about it being Christmas jumper day and she decided to wear one tonight cos of that and I love the fact that her and Hubby are sitting there now playing scrabble and having a cosy night in with their jumpers on. It's too cute!

I did the following cleaning:-

Hall

Wiped the black mucky dog marks off the front door. 

Got rid of the dust bunnies. 

Wiped the cobwebs off the ceiling. 

Cleaned the skirting boards and paintwork up the stairs. 

Cleaned the banisters. 

Mopped out the window bottom that was full of dusty bunnies. 

Bathroom. 

Cleaned the Bath, Toilet and Basin. 

Cleaned the dado rail. 

Washed the tiles. 

Mopped the floor. 

Threw away half a bin bag of empty bottles and old razors and empty toilet rolls. 

Cleaned the under basin cupboard. 

Washed down the 3 drawer storage unit. 

Kitchen. 

Cleaned the sink with soda crystals so it's all shiny like new. 

Did two loads of laundry. 

Did several days worth of washing up. 

Dried and put away the washing up. 

Threw away lot's of old manky veg. 

There, that's everything. I feel very proud of my efforts. 

Tonight I took Hubby to the pub and everyone was offering to buy me early birthday drinks but I was driving so I said no thank-you (but put me one in like cos I'll have it tommoz). Haha. 

I went on chat and everyone was lovely with each other like normal. 

Um, that will do. 

I had a good day and I don't feel like gambling at all. 

Drama 

xoxoxox

Many years ago tomorrow, God decided to send an angel to earth. The angel was meant to touch lives and you have ?. Happy birthday for tomorrow sweet angel x

I will be back in the morning with b’day greeting x