[Closed] My Last Bad Day

One step at a time - Jordin Sparks

Hi Drama

I hope you’re well and things are on track. As you may have guessed from me not being around, I went off the rails about a week and a half ago and was too ashamed to come back here straight away. I have just caught up on your diary  and I saw the post about you saying you hadn’t heard anything from me - honestly you don’t know how much that meant to me and made me smile. Thank you for that. I have brushed myself down and now back. Sorry to leave a negative but wanted to explain why I’d disappeared. No plans of doing that again in the near future. Back to my nighttime reading of Drama Llamas diary. I need to remember that’s whats good for me. 

Hope you have a good week!

Bex x

Morning Bex. Good to have you back in the fold. Xxx

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Thinking about Lent. It's easy to give up stuff after you spent Ash Wednesday fasting. I've decided not to eat any food at all today. Then I'll just be grateful for food when I get it and not worry about cigs. 

I've already had two cups of tea. Just sent Hubby to make me another. He thinks that's odd cos I'm normally up and choosing an outfit by now. Really dont wanna go to work. 

That is all. 

D. 

Monday. 

I got to work for 9 o clock. I did some good work. Spotted some stuff that other folk had missed so that made me proud of myself. 

Some lassie from another floor died last night. It was a somber mood in the office. I didn't know her at all even when someone showed me a photo I couldn't place her so I cannot say I'm grieving. It was just an unpleasant feeling in the office. 

I went to Church at dinner time for the Eucharist Service. The local Parish Church for the area that I work (not my Church). I enjoyed the service. It was just me and two old ladies and two Priests and a Curate. I got to chat to the Parish Priest for a spell. It was comforting and helpful. I enjoyed receiving communion for the first time in months. I felt like calm and serene. Wish I still felt that way. 

I got a text from a cleaning pal asking me to do his job tonight. Major drama's. I said yes purely for the amount of drama that he put in his text. It's not necessary but he's in his 20's and kids do that. I would've done it no matter what cos he covered so I could have a night off. Anyways, so I'm thinking I'm now on for a 13/14 hour day so I should prolly eat summat. It's not wise to be doing lot's and not eating cos you put other people at risk. I'd hate to pass out at the wheel or summat like that. I had a lousy Chicken Curry with Egg Fried Rice and some spring rolls but at least I ate. 

I went to do my cover job. It was filthy. Reckon that's the real reason he wanted me there, to fix it before he gets inspected. He knows I do a good job. I put a shift in. 

Then I drove across town to my regular first job. On the way there, my brakes did a strange scary thing and I couldn't stop till I was 3 feet into a very busy junction. Luckily nothing was coming but it scared the pants off me. I called Hubby from reception of the job when I got there as I wanted his advice and reassurance about the car. He was cross at my explanation of the problem and raised his voice at me and was then laughing at me when I tried to explain that it felt like my brake pedal disappeared and my foot was scraping through the car on the road but I wasn't stopping. Like I'm not a mechanic. I can only say what it felt like. He stayed angry mad so I told him that I was really very annoyed that I'd asked for his help and he was just laughing even though I was genuinely scared about driving the car down a steep hill home. I hung up on him. Whichever way I drive from there is down a steep hill so I was babbing my pants. 

The job was spotless from last night. Just needed a tickle. However, the manager and the really fit guy were still there till 9.30. Like they never wanna go home. So I had to keep myself busy till they left. 

Then I went to Tesco and got a c**P ham n cheese roll cos I was flagging. 

Then I went to my regular second job. It wasn't too bad either so I did a light clean and left just now. 

I am home and I am having a beer and a f*g cos I don't care to be good anymore. I already feel like a kinda good person after talking with Father at dinner time. He thinks I'm a good egg. He gimme some reading to do. To help me out spiritually like. He says I can talk to him anytime. That is nice. 

I am tired. 

Laters. 

Drama. 

You are a good person I reckon, regardless x

I was a frightened earlier crossing a road at the bottom of a steep hill. My friend was really concerned and questioned why I was so nervous to which I replied: ......... "Dramallama might be coming down that hill and her brakes don't work"!!!!!!!!!

Evening good lady. Good to see you rocking through December with a smile on your face, fire in your belly and the good lord watching over you.

Your diary is an excellent read and always brings a smile to my face. 

Stephen x 

My Dad phoned me. He told me off for not being in touch for months. Saying they are cross and upset that I did that. They haven't bothered with me since I had an argument with a guy on their estate. The dog barked at him and his family and he got cross. It was my fault for leaving the windows wide open on the car. I apologised profusely because I understood that it was scary.

Anyways so it was a right to-do but my Mum and Dad used it as an excuse to not see me anymore. They phoned and asked me not to visit "for a while". I said okay but I'll wait to hear from you. 

So this is the thing. They NEVER bother with me except for my birthday. Every year is the same. They have special ringing secret codes with my 3 brothers so they know when they are calling and not anyone else and I can just never get past their secret ways. 

I love them but they want nought to do with me except on my Birthday. 

Then they ring me and tell me off and I have to apologise and say sorry and then visit them like they are the ABSOLUTE BESTEST PARENTS on the planet and appreciate my presents and then it's back to being invisible. 

This phone call has triggered me. I was in crisis but I called Auntie A and she talked me down from it. 

I am still very upset. I have to go do my two night time jobs now. FML. 

Sorry if this post isn't entertaining. It's just my life. 

Drama. 

Drama thinking of you xx 

So glad you called Auntie A Drama. The way I think of it is it's your family's loss that they don't have you in their life. Told myself that about mine. Surround yourself with folk who care. We do btw xx

For some reason half of my post is missing and I can't edit it. i think the summary was that it is ok to not feel great about your family. It hurts, but they have clearly hurt you. I write letters to my lot that I never send. It helps. Tip from my counsellor. 

Not too much to say other than love you drama x

There is nothing worse I can think of than hurting another GamCare colleague. If I have done that, I am so, so sorry. And that is sorry for you and not for me. Really do care about you tho x

Posted by: Murlo

There is nothing worse I can think of than hurting another GamCare colleague. If I have done that, I am so, so sorry. And that is sorry for you and not for me. Really do care about you tho x

Dude! You haven't! I cannot think what you think you did. I told you at dinner time. X

My posts are clumsy sometimes and I read them back and wonder what the hell.... 

I hope you are ok x

Dear DramaLlama,

I'm sorry to read your above post; it sounds like a really difficult situation and I imagine it must be hard to feel that you are being treated differently to your brothers.  I am glad to hear that you were able to talk to another family member when you were feeling so upset and that this did help you to feel better. It was also nice to read the supportive messages sent to you by Boo and Murlo. I know you have gone to work now, but if you do need anything else at all this evening, please do feel free to get in touch.

Wishing you all the best,

Forum Admin