[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Posted by: Murlo

You must post your veggie diet recipe sometime ?

I apologise, I forgot. I did promise to do that. It's on the MIND diet page on Overcoming Problem Gambling thing. 

Swear down. Four portions in a week, I lose four pounds every time and it's proper tasty. I don't even rate veggie recipes usually. Oh, I do use Chicken Stock not Veggie Stock and I use two chilli's cos I can hack it. It's not mind food, just veggie slimming food but it's great for fitting into a dress if you know you have summat coming up. 

D x

I did not gamble. I found out a way to. But I did not. I am brilliant! 

Also, I'm not doing this anymore. It's too hard when you find stuff out. Really too hard. People don't know. I will come back at 90 days cos I wanna be mates with Murlo and keep my promise but that is all. 

Drama. x

Drama,

I am so proud of you.

I am gutted. Gutted that you were triggered and gutted that you feel you can no longer be part of what we have here. This should be a safe place for all of us. I cannot imagine going along on my journey without you. Above all though, you need to do whatever is right for you to stay safe. Nothing else matters. I would just hope that it didn’t mean that you had to step away from here. I will not be letting anyone else sit on your bean bag. You are very special to me even though I only know you virtually. I love everything about you, especially your honesty and integrity. I am very sad ? 

I love you xx

Drama,

Chill out, take stock & come back I, like many others need your chirpy, tell it like it is  posts & chats. I love the diversity, honesty and sometimes controversial opinions you bring here. The coming months aren't gonna be easy for me but if i know i can find you, your liver & sausage and your uplifting personality for an hour or so each day, i can get through whatever life throws at me. This place would be poorer without a good egg like you.

Best Wishes

AL

I'm fine. At Defon 2. I will calm down. I just wound myself up. 

Lovely to hear from you this morning. Go easy my friend. I will be making your recipe tonight. Will let you know how it goes ?

Fri-Yay! 

I got drunk last night. I apologised to Kram on chat for being angry mad at him last night. It's not his fault I'm a problem gambler and he isn't responsible for how I react to stuff. That's on me. 

I spoke to someone last night on the Helpline who was really sober and I don't mean that in the sense of not drunk. I mean like he was real sensible and calm and solemn. He told me some things about me and my recovery choices that made me think. It gave me real food for thought at bedtime. This is my recovery. It is MY choice to be here and not gamble. I am very grateful for his words of wisdom. They made me like stop in my angry mad tracks and just think about the fact that I DO choose to be here and it does help me alot. Gotta take the rough with the smooth and stop being an immature baby. That's all I wanna say about last night really. 

Um, so I woke up hungover as hell. I didn't finish my fridge pack like I'd planned. Maybe I'm getting outta the habit cos I would've destroyed it a few months ago and wanted more. I could taste beer when i woke though so decided to drive to work late just to be safe. Got there for 10. Noone expected me to turn up on a Friday so they were happy to see me. I was totally honest about being hungover but I said that I get alot of support from my work mate T and I thought I'd get more done in rather than out of the office. T sort of rose up in his chair and smiled all proud like. It was nice to see. 

I had a Sausage and Fried Onion and Brown Sauce sandwich for breakfast. 

I saw my mate P for a brew this morning. We chatted about just work stuff but I enjoy his company. He goes for a 2 hour lunch on a Friday cos he goes to the pub with the boys. I can't day drink cos it just makes me sleepy so I rarely go along. Still was nice to see him for a quarter of an hour. He also commented that it was nice to have my company on a Friday. 

Someone in the next pod to mine brought in like an Amazon Echo Dot thing and was playing the radio over it. It was so annoying! 

My earphones that Hubby gave me to replace my latest broken pair stopped working just on the right side. I couldn't listen to music or a movie or ought. Just this annoying tinny music from the next pod. Plus the printer was making squeeky noises like a mouse was stuck inside it. I kept putting it on energy saving mode to stop the noise but people print in my department so much that I was up and down like a yoyo turning the damned thing off! Very very annoying. 

I went on chat at lunch. Didn't know how to begin to say sorry to Kram then so I didn't stick around. 

It was raining at dinner time and I didn't have a coat but I went up the market to get some new earphones. I need them for call listening and drowning out the noises I don't like so it really is a priority purchase for me. They cost £15. I called Hubby like normal and told him what I was up to. He asked how much the earphones were. I told him (after a pause, distinct evidence of lying) that they were £10. I have NO CLUE why I did that! Honest I don't. It's not a big deal. It's MY money. WHY did I lie? I really don't know. 

I got back to work and finished off my call listening and sent all the feedback and reports and stuff. 

Then I showed my boss the spreadsheet that I made for team stats. I explained how he can have quality one2one discussions with team members based on this report. Like it measures quality vs quantity. If someone is low on quantity, he might wanna look at the allocation of work and if someones getting all the hard stuff. If someone is down on quantity but their quality score spikes, it may be of no concern. He loved it and saw the logic in the data. I explained that in our teamtalk call this week it went down like a lead balloon. He said he's gonna use it for sure and was super happy with my work and he will explain to the team how the data will be used to aid quality discussions and make sure we are all doing the right thing without need for thinking it's a stick to beat them with. I am proud of my work. 

I came home at 3pm and logged on from home. I took my Methotrexate and have been completely stoned since. I don't feel very good at all. I am sure it's worse cos I drank yesterday. That's on me but I'm doing Wellness* February starting tommoz (obvs) so maybe it'll be better next week. I am proud that I am doing the right thing again. I need to stop hurting myself and think about the future that I've spent along time thinking I wouldn't be around for. 

I am happy to read that Murlo has her pal around this weekend and that they enjoyed their tea. This makes me smile. 

I am sad that I upset Murlo and Al with my immature behaviour last night. I need to be more mindful of how things I say affect others. In essence practise what I preach. 

Chat was lovely tonight. Busy but everyone was real nice to each other. I think I will catch up with Stace on email over the weekend cos she came and went real quick and I missed talking to her. 

That is all. 

Drama. 

So lovely to see you in chat today and thank you for the recipe. Saved my bacon (if I can say that in the company of a veggie). Tomorrow I reach 90 days. Won’t feel like long til you do too and I can’t wait. I look forward to the day I can say a proper hi to you, maybe even without a typo ?

Posted by: Murlo

So lovely to see you in chat today and thank you for the recipe. Saved my bacon (if I can say that in the company of a veggie). Tomorrow I reach 90 days. Won’t feel like long til you do too and I can’t wait. I look forward to the day I can say a proper hi to you, maybe even without a typo ?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Can't imagine a day when you don't make at least 20 typo's! 

However, I do know I WILL reach 90 days and be better. 

Drama x

?? I wouldn’t be the same without a typo. You would never believe that I actually write well at work. I have no doubt at all you will reach 90 days. Hope you feel better soon pal x

Posted by: DramaLlama

Fri-Yay! 

I got drunk last night. I apologised to Kram on chat for being angry mad at him last night. It's not his fault I'm a problem gambler and he isn't responsible for how I react to stuff. That's on me. 

I spoke to someone last night on the Helpline who was really sober and I don't mean that in the sense of not drunk. I mean like he was real sensible and calm and solemn. He told me some things about me and my recovery choices that made me think. It gave me real food for thought at bedtime. This is my recovery. It is MY choice to be here and not gamble. I am very grateful for his words of wisdom. They made me like stop in my angry mad tracks and just think about the fact that I DO choose to be here and it does help me alot. Gotta take the rough with the smooth and stop being an immature baby. That's all I wanna say about last night really. 

Um, so I woke up hungover as hell. I didn't finish my fridge pack like I'd planned. Maybe I'm getting outta the habit cos I would've destroyed it a few months ago and wanted more. I could taste beer when i woke though so decided to drive to work late just to be safe. Got there for 10. Noone expected me to turn up on a Friday so they were happy to see me. I was totally honest about being hungover but I said that I get alot of support from my work mate T and I thought I'd get more done in rather than out of the office. T sort of rose up in his chair and smiled all proud like. It was nice to see. 

I had a Sausage and Fried Onion and Brown Sauce sandwich for breakfast. 

I saw my mate P for a brew this morning. We chatted about just work stuff but I enjoy his company. He goes for a 2 hour lunch on a Friday cos he goes to the pub with the boys. I can't day drink cos it just makes me sleepy so I rarely go along. Still was nice to see him for a quarter of an hour. He also commented that it was nice to have my company on a Friday. 

Someone in the next pod to mine brought in like an Amazon Echo Dot thing and was playing the radio over it. It was so annoying! 

My earphones that Hubby gave me to replace my latest broken pair stopped working just on the right side. I couldn't listen to music or a movie or ought. Just this annoying tinny music from the next pod. Plus the printer was making squeeky noises like a mouse was stuck inside it. I kept putting it on energy saving mode to stop the noise but people print in my department so much that I was up and down like a yoyo turning the damned thing off! Very very annoying. 

I went on chat at lunch. Didn't know how to begin to say sorry to Kram then so I didn't stick around. 

It was raining at dinner time and I didn't have a coat but I went up the market to get some new earphones. I need them for call listening and drowning out the noises I don't like so it really is a priority purchase for me. They cost £15. I called Hubby like normal and told him what I was up to. He asked how much the earphones were. I told him (after a pause, distinct evidence of lying) that they were £10. I have NO CLUE why I did that! Honest I don't. It's not a big deal. It's MY money. WHY did I lie? I really don't know. 

I got back to work and finished off my call listening and sent all the feedback and reports and stuff. 

Then I showed my boss the spreadsheet that I made for team stats. I explained how he can have quality one2one discussions with team members based on this report. Like it measures quality vs quantity. If someone is low on quantity, he might wanna look at the allocation of work and if someones getting all the hard stuff. If someone is down on quantity but their quality score spikes, it may be of no concern. He loved it and saw the logic in the data. I explained that in our teamtalk call this week it went down like a lead balloon. He said he's gonna use it for sure and was super happy with my work and he will explain to the team how the data will be used to aid quality discussions and make sure we are all doing the right thing without need for thinking it's a stick to beat them with. I am proud of my work. 

I came home at 3pm and logged on from home. I took my Methotrexate and have been completely stoned since. I don't feel very good at all. I am sure it's worse cos I drank yesterday. That's on me but I'm doing Wellness* February starting tommoz (obvs) so maybe it'll be better next week. I am proud that I am doing the right thing again. I need to stop hurting myself and think about the future that I've spent along time thinking I wouldn't be around for. 

I am happy to read that Murlo has her pal around this weekend and that they enjoyed their tea. This makes me smile. 

I am sad that I upset Murlo and Al with my immature behaviour last night. I need to be more mindful of how things I say affect others. In essence practise what I preach. 

Chat was lovely tonight. Busy but everyone was real nice to each other. I think I will catch up with Stace on email over the weekend cos she came and went real quick and I missed talking to her. 

That is all. 

Drama. 

 

Very good of you to say this drama, I appreciate it and look forward to helping each other in recovery.

stronger together 

Kram

I told Hubby about the real price of the earphones and he was really happy. Which is weird. But he was. I did say I can't offer an explanation if you want one but everyone on chat said to tell you so I did and he's just super happy that I did. 

Moff to bed me. 

Feeling sick as a dog but also happy. 

Drama. 

Drama,

awesome news about your hubby. My hubby always says it stops  monsters growing inside his head when I tell him the truth. Sometimes I have no idea why I might have told him something different from the truth. It’s weird ain’t it? It’s usually something so minor  

So sorry  you feel so s**t, I hope yon feel better tomorrow. 

love you xx

Saturday. 

Hubby woke me up early to gimme my pills. I hate this but he reckons taking them at the same time is best for the system. I went back to sleep and woke again at lunchtime. 

I went on chat at 1pm. Stayed for a little while. Then I ran a bath and got ready for my cousins baby shower. 

I put on a wool shift dress in dark burgundy/smokey grey and black check. I wore some smart knee high socks and the black ankle boots I got for Christmas. I asked Hubby to help me find my smokey grey wool waist length jacket with the elasticated bottom and neck. Bless him, he found two that do not match that description beyond the fact they were both grey. Anyways, I found it. I also took my italian leather black handbag. It smells so good. Makes me happy. 

I drove to the party via the Co-Op to get a card and I stuffed £20 in it. I have no clue what to buy for babies people. I've never had one and Auntie A said cash money is more welcome than a voucher cos you can spend it anywhere. 

I sat at a table at the back with Auntie A, Auntie S, f (cousins cousin), R (cousins gf) and D (uncles sister) so we're all kinda family if not directly. 

We had to do games like guessing the size of the baby bump. I got nearest with 40 inches and got some maltesers as a prize. We had to answer quiz questions and play pin the dummy on the baby and stuff like that. It was all wholesome and good clean fun. The Buffet was very beige. I had some out of politeness but the only healthy stuff were carrot sticks and tomatos. I had some cooked meats and cheese and a cheese and onion little roll thing. 

I brought home some cake, popcorn and a biscuit and the maltesers with the intention of giving them to hubby anyway but he snatched them as soon as he saw them and put them in his pocket so he robbed me of the opportunity to give him a gift. His loss. 

I took the dog for a walk. She enjoyed it. 

I had Steamed Salmon with Wild Mushroom Couscous (flavoured with garlic) and Sprouts. I didn't like the texture of the couscous. I dunno if it's a brand thing or that I cooked it wrong but it was real hard to swallow and felt like it got stuck in my throat so I just ate the salmon and sprouts. Bit of an odd combo. But it was the only green veg I had in the freezer and I cba to go shopping. 

I gave the dog a piece of salmon for her tea also with some dog food. She licked her bowl clean. I was like yes, that's my girl, of course she likes the expensive food. 

I know it's super early but I feel really really tired so I'm going to bed. 

No gambling thoughts at all today. Pretty easy when I've avoided most sports today.

No craving for a cigarette or a drink. Even though others at the club this afternoon were getting quite wellied. I am proud. 

Drama x

I would try bulgar wheat instead of couscous. Much nicer texture. Night n bless galpal xx