[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Drama,

awesome news about your hubby. My hubby always says it stops  monsters growing inside his head when I tell him the truth. Sometimes I have no idea why I might have told him something different from the truth. It’s weird ain’t it? It’s usually something so minor  

So sorry  you feel so s**t, I hope yon feel better tomorrow. 

love you xx

Saturday. 

Hubby woke me up early to gimme my pills. I hate this but he reckons taking them at the same time is best for the system. I went back to sleep and woke again at lunchtime. 

I went on chat at 1pm. Stayed for a little while. Then I ran a bath and got ready for my cousins baby shower. 

I put on a wool shift dress in dark burgundy/smokey grey and black check. I wore some smart knee high socks and the black ankle boots I got for Christmas. I asked Hubby to help me find my smokey grey wool waist length jacket with the elasticated bottom and neck. Bless him, he found two that do not match that description beyond the fact they were both grey. Anyways, I found it. I also took my italian leather black handbag. It smells so good. Makes me happy. 

I drove to the party via the Co-Op to get a card and I stuffed £20 in it. I have no clue what to buy for babies people. I've never had one and Auntie A said cash money is more welcome than a voucher cos you can spend it anywhere. 

I sat at a table at the back with Auntie A, Auntie S, f (cousins cousin), R (cousins gf) and D (uncles sister) so we're all kinda family if not directly. 

We had to do games like guessing the size of the baby bump. I got nearest with 40 inches and got some maltesers as a prize. We had to answer quiz questions and play pin the dummy on the baby and stuff like that. It was all wholesome and good clean fun. The Buffet was very beige. I had some out of politeness but the only healthy stuff were carrot sticks and tomatos. I had some cooked meats and cheese and a cheese and onion little roll thing. 

I brought home some cake, popcorn and a biscuit and the maltesers with the intention of giving them to hubby anyway but he snatched them as soon as he saw them and put them in his pocket so he robbed me of the opportunity to give him a gift. His loss. 

I took the dog for a walk. She enjoyed it. 

I had Steamed Salmon with Wild Mushroom Couscous (flavoured with garlic) and Sprouts. I didn't like the texture of the couscous. I dunno if it's a brand thing or that I cooked it wrong but it was real hard to swallow and felt like it got stuck in my throat so I just ate the salmon and sprouts. Bit of an odd combo. But it was the only green veg I had in the freezer and I cba to go shopping. 

I gave the dog a piece of salmon for her tea also with some dog food. She licked her bowl clean. I was like yes, that's my girl, of course she likes the expensive food. 

I know it's super early but I feel really really tired so I'm going to bed. 

No gambling thoughts at all today. Pretty easy when I've avoided most sports today.

No craving for a cigarette or a drink. Even though others at the club this afternoon were getting quite wellied. I am proud. 

Drama x

I would try bulgar wheat instead of couscous. Much nicer texture. Night n bless galpal xx

Eat well and sleep well... Remain as positive as you are ???

Nite n bless boo ❤️

Hello Drama. Glad the baby shower went well.

Wishing you a super duper Sunday and a jolly week to follow.

Love the way you strive to always look smart and casual or elegant (whatever the occasion requires) and do believe you have inspired me to pay more attention to my appearance. Thank you for that.

Stephen x 

Had your back on the ten minute warning today mate, catch ya soon.

take care

A Quiet Day. 

I stayed in bed till 11am. Thankfully the Methotrexate fog had lifted today. What a waste of a weekend though. Hubby didn't wake me up with my pills cos clearly he wanted to stay in bed too. Both of us were surprised that the dog never came to wake us up. 

After breakfast I took the dog to the park. Then I went to the supermarket. I got a Sunday Roast and lot's of veg but they also had some whoops'd deals on sausage meat so I bought that too. Not exactly lean cuisine but it was the butchers choice stuff so not terribly bad either. 

I came home and made scotched eggs. I did not fry them. I oven-baked them. They were real tasty and I had one as part of a ploughmans lunch with some cheese and pickles and salad veg too. 

After that I went to work. Did my two cleaning jobs and came home. 

I've done some reading for Uni work cos I have an assignment due soon. I've also done some tidying in my spare room (my dressing room) and sorted out my Gym stuff and some stuff to go to the charity shop that I'm not right keen on anymore. 

I'm just killing time now waiting for the Super Bowl to start. Might do some painting. That's relaxing. I find myself craving calm more than anything else at the minute. 

Oh and I did buy stuff to make Hubby some minced pies at the supermarket but given he moaned that I never make him any puddings anymore when he was scoffing the scotched eggs, I didn't wanna make them and have it seem to him like I just did it in response to his moaning. He'll have to do without. That's two days in a row he's ruined me wanting to do summat for him. I'm not planning ought else cos he'll just spoil it. 

D. 

Monday.  

Had the day off today to sleep in after the Super Bowl. I was watching it on my phone in bed last night with my earphones. Hubby brought me a cuppa tea. I must've fallen asleep during the second quarter and rolled over. I dragged the pint pot of hot tea all over my back. Nearly screamed the house down. Anyways....so I got up and stripped and made the bed. Changed my nightwear and got back in. I pulled out the earphones and just listened to the football on speaker phone. I must've fallen asleep during the half time show. Deffo didn't see ought of the second half. Oh well. Must've needed the sleep. 

I woke up fairly early given I had a late night. I feel pretty good today. I gave Hubby some chores to do cos I'm fed up of sitting in a mucky house. He did them without grumbling. 

I made a roast chicken dinner w/pigs in blankets, stuffing, Roasted carrots and potatoes, Swede mash, Brussels and peas, Yorkshire puddings and gravy. Not a bad feed if I do say so myself. 

I cleared the dining table of junk so we could sit and eat together all civilised like. That was nice. I've told him to keep it bare if he wants some minced pies cos I need somewhere to roll out the pastry. That should be enough incentive for him. 

I've studied a lot today. Got caught up on my work somewhat. Still a ways to go. I have booked two tutorials. One for next week and one for after payday cos I'm gonna travel to Sheffield for that one and I'd like to have a bit of spends to go shopping at Meadowhell whilst I'm down that way. 

That is all for now. Moff to work. 

Drama x 

Awesome that you have booked your tutorials. This time you will smash your assignment! Love you mate x

Tuesday. 

I got into work today to find out I'm babysitting a big customer tommorow. Not happy about this because it's a firm that tried to get a housing attachment order against me once. I managed to fight off the housing attachment order but still ended up with a CCJ (by default) because I accepted I owed the debt. Ended up paying less per month than I was before this place took the gamble to try and get the attachment order because the district judge thought I was over-reaching. I don't suppose he appreciated how little people can live on when they have to. 

Yes, that was a gambling debt. I paid it back but never worked on recovery whilst I was paying it. I kept myself very busy working hard to pay it back and of course in those days I had housekeeping so it was easier to juggle things. Anyways, I still HATE them because I told them they wouldn't get an attachment order but they didn't believe me. They just thought I was a degenerate gambler and wouldn't bother posting a defense. I sort of won morally but ultimately I'll never make it as a Barrister because the establishment will know that I have that CCJ whether the 6 year rule is applied to my credit record or not. 

I hate that. 

It's interesting that I took Hubby to the pub tonight and he tried to "out" me in front of the tea club. He was talking real loudly about my gambling problem. I tried to discreetly ask him to stop. He didn't. I then asked him if he would listen to what I have to say for a minute. He said okay. 

I said I have quite a wide "footprint" in this Town through Church and Charity work and Uni and the Pub and Family and everything, would you agree? He said yes. I said I have a pretty large "footprint" in the next Town over due to work. Would you agree? He said yes. Everybody knows you. 

I was like. How long do you think I would hold a position of responsibility in the Financial Services Industry if you keep chelping about what a degenerate gambler I am? He's like *gulp*. I am sorry. 

I am so sorry, I understand. I'm like yeah. You wanna tell people I'm a raging alcoholic or take drugs to make you feel big, do it. I don't care. My work would pay for rehab and support me. You tell people I'm a degenerate gambler, I'll get managed out of the firm. It's just a big no-no. You can't manage that sort of thing as far as they are concerned. He totally apologised. I said I don't care if you think you're giving me tough love. You should talk to me first. 

So many gossips in the pub, it will get around. At least I know he has my back now. I've told him to say that I got drunk one time and gambled some money if anybody asks him to clarify his comments, not talk about how I have a "gambling problem". That's a HARD no. 

I feel like sometimes it's not worth working recovery because people will drag you back down to where you were no matter how hard you try. 

That is all. 

D. 

Drama.. That would upset me too..and I hope this is not a knock back for you. 

You seem to have it sorted.why is it that some days every man and his dog are trying to ambush us? 

Sleep well.. You know how we value you

Nite n bless  boo ???

Oh Drama,

Just because we're addicts there ain't man, woman nor beast has the right to single us out & humiliate us in front of others. Maybe i'm spoilt, but my wife hasn't ever told my in laws about my addiction let alone friends. We told my kids but that was by mutual agreement. Hope i don't offend you by saying he was bang out of order. The bottom line is we're all here to seek help not punishment. You're doing so well in recovery & i pray this experience doesn't become a set back for your recovery.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

You don't offend me Al. Not at all. I am sad that he's trying to shame me to make me feel bad when his whole life depends on my having an income when he has none. If I lose my job, we won't survive. I won't survive. If I can't pay my bills, I will give up. He's treading a dangerous line really. 

I hope he stops this madness. 

Drama. 

It is tough to know what to say about your day Drama, it sounds like it was really difficult. The one thing that I know though is that you won’t give up on your recovery because you are strong. I can see that in how you have dealt with events today. I am coming to terms with some people that I had not chosen to tell finding about my problem gambling and I just keep reminding myself the longer I go in recovery, the more I can say with conviction (if I choose to say anything at all) is that I used to gamble.  I love you galpal x

I choose not to gamble. I am doing great. 

That is all. 

Drama x