[Closed] My Last Bad Day

Posted by: DramaLlama

I choose not to gamble. I am doing great. 

That is all. 

Drama x

And that is all it needs to be, well done drama, pleased to see you’re still that full 24 hours ahead of me!

x

Congratulations on 40 days sweetheart ?

I can’t be doing with Katz so I am Murlo again ?

Posted by: Murlo

I can’t be doing with Katz so I am Murlo again ?

Yay! 

Thank-you Al, Murlo and Boo for commenting last night. I was majorly raging and upset and stuff and that's prolly when I'm most at risk so you guys saying yeah, that's not okay just helped me calm down and not feel so bad. You are the best x

Wednesday. 

We woke up late. 7.45am. I had a dial-in at 9am and visitors at 9.30am so no time to mess about. 

Hubby made me a brew and brought me my pills. I had a shower in a can and used some dry shampoo on my hair. I put on the same outfit as I wore to my cousins baby shower the other day (clean undies obvs) I'm not a complete scrubber! It was all just handy on the wicker chair on the landing so I just put that on. I wore some comfy old boots though cos I do alot of walking about the office. Can do 10k steps in a working day just up and down doing stuff so I wasn't gonna wear them new ones and invite a blister. 

I got to the office for 8:55am. Time to make coffee and join the online meeting. 🙂 Happy days. 

Um, the online meeting sucked. It was like someone was trying to teach us (me and my teammates) how to use a new system in 30 mins cos they thought that it would be useful for us to be able to show the people visiting. I called them out on it. I said I've had access to this system for 2 years and not got my head around it and never had formal training. Don't be expecting us to share any of this with those people. The lad was humble and apologised and said he'd been thrown in at the deep end to teach us. I wound my neck in and said it's okay, thanks for your time but we are not embarrassing ourselves sharing this stuff. He said he'd book some proper training. Gosh I love being me sometimes. It's brilliant! 

The visitors were brought down to our end of the office at 9.30ish. My boss says who wants to go first so I of course said ME!

There was only two people. I figured, the sooner I start the sooner it's done. However, this lassie that was sat with me really liked me. I tried to palm her off on my mate T at lunch time but she wanted to stay with me. So I ended up looking after her right till 3pm when they wanted to go. The other guy sat with the other two people, one pre-lunch and one after. I shouldn't have been so enthusiastic (lesson learned). 

She commended me on being honest. Isn't that funny? I'm so damned honest usually. I hate the fact that gambling brought dishonesty into my life and I have these odd times of telling lies that I cannot figure out. Anyways, putting that thought to one side, it was really lovely to be told I am honest. I enjoyed it. 

Think about it. I probably utilised somewhere in the region of 25-30 systems today and this lassie never would've stood a hope in hell of knowing what was what if I hadn't guided her through the audit. I told her the good, the bad and the ugly. 

I think I managed to show the progression of the project from the start to now and how we have developed as a team and improved. I did things in reverse order. I started with the current stuff and worked back to the bad horrible stuff including some call listening where someone in the background was effing and jeffing. Not great. 

My boss and Tech Lead were real upset to hear some of the stuff that was found BUT because I flagged it with them before the exit meeting they were prepared and had already sent feedback and done actions and stuff. 

The people that visited were really impressed with our work ethic, attention to detail and honesty. I know the truth of what they think will come out in the actual report but in my humble opinion they shouldn't be visiting so early in the project, it's naff. However, kept that thought to myself. 

My boss said thanks to me. I told him to say it with vouchers. Lol. You don't ask, you don't get!!

I took Hubby to the pub tonight and he behaved himself and no-one in the teaclub mentioned what he said last night so that's nice. 

I did both my cleaning jobs really well. I called in chat tonight for a spell and it made me really happy to be able to do that. I love you guys! 

That is all. 

Drama 

xoxoxoxo

I just realised that today is Debbie Day and I didn't even miss her. (No offence Debbie) Isn't that weird? Like I thought I'd never cope without her and I've gone nearly 24 hours without realising it was my usual counselling day. 

That shows progression I reckon. 

D. 

Morning Drama,

I read your diary again cover to cover last night and I will admit to shedding a small tear or two of happiness at your progress. As much as I enjoy reading your diary because it is such a great example of human expression, the thing that makes me happy more than anything is seeing you transform. I love the effort you are putting into your recovery and I love you. Have a wonderful day xx

Posted by: Murlo

Morning Drama,

I read your diary again cover to cover last night and I will admit to shedding a small tear or two of happiness at your progress. As much as I enjoy reading your diary because it is such a great example of human expression, the thing that makes me happy more than anything is seeing you transform. I love the effort you are putting into your recovery and I love you. Have a wonderful day xx

I signed up for the online self help stuff last night. Cant hurt to keep working on this recovery stuff. If I'd known you were up, we could've had a game of ^>v. Never mind. 

Um, thank you for the compliment. 

I love you too Murlo xxx

FLU BOGIES! 

I've had a dreadful cough since the weekend and very sore throat, like I swallowed dry cornflakes mixed with glass. Murlo said it was like a change of diet but last night the fever hit and my nose exploded with snot. Do you ever get to the stage where you just can't be arsed with tissue anymore and use your nightdress to wipe your nose? If you haven't, then you haven't been as poorly as I currently am. I am weak. 

I logged on from bed this morning. I don't wanna sick day to ruin my Bradford Score. I rang my boss. He didn't answer. I emailed him to say I'm not bunking off, I'm WFH, I am sick, I will do my best. 

I ran a bath, obvs cos I was feeling manky. I went on chat for a spell whilst I waited for my calor gas heater to warm up the bathroom. I got in and was just enjoying the relaxing soak when Hubby turned up. He brought me way more towels than I needed and then just got naked and jumped in my bath. This would be romantic if I didn't have flu bogies and we'd both had a bath yesterday but the reality of two dirty people sharing a tub is really gross. It's soap s**m, it's water that looks like tar. It is NOT pretty. After he got out, I put the plastic shower hose thing on the taps (I'd emptied the bath) and I just sort of hosed myself down. Very gross. 

I put some clean clothes on. A nice thick blue and grey rugby shirt (no team, just a fashion item) and a pair of grey joggers and some warm socks. I just wanted to be warm, clean and comfy. 

I got some work done this aft. Nowt mega but more than I would've done if I'd bunked off. 

I did both my cleaning jobs tonight. The Doctor at one place I clean told me to have a hot toddy with booze in. I thanked him for the suggestion and the recipe but I'm not gonna do that. 

Me and Hubby are skint again. I knew this was coming and had prepared Hubby for it already. It's him paying a credit card and me gambling, it's just taken a while to catch up with us. In two weeks we will be straight again cos I get my OT pay. I've done 16 hours for the day job which is mega bucks. 

Speaking of which, boss says I can't WFH on OT anymore. This is naff and I will work my magic to make that stupid rule go away. I wanted to work Saturday and now I can't cos I can't get to the next town and back before 1pm. 

I have promised MIND, that's a mental health charity that I will help with a bucket collection before the game and I WON'T let them down so I'll just have to lose the OT money I would've made. Oh, not before I try guilt tripping my boss into letting me do it anyway. We shall see. 

So, that was today. G'nite all. 

Drama. 

Get well soon my little hero 

Boo ?

You see the title of this post got me gripped! Nurses have a fascination with snot and bogies,  the greener the better. Clearly I am not great at diagnosing by chat tho cos I did think you may have been feeling  a bit unwell with a change of diet. I do not know how you drag your body to work feeling like that. Just hoping you can get some decent rest tonight sweetheart x

Boo, I love being called a Hero! Haha brilliant. 

Murlo, I've been this way since I was in my 20's. Before I even knew I had an immune disease. I used to be soft with it. Like I'd take time off work and recover but I get colds and flu so often now that I am used to it. I know now it's the immune disease that causes it. So long as I can avoid frozen shoulder I am fine with it. I figure me trying to do my best even if I'm poorly is still better than me not trying at all. 

I reckon that Doctor was proud of me tonight. I feel like he recognised I have a strong work ethic. 

It's gotta be pretty hard to diagnose poorlyness by chat. I am not cussing you out at all. I'm just talking about my last few days. Promise. x

Drama. 

I didn’t think you were cussing me out at all! The Doctor is right. You absolutely have a strong work ethic. Strength generally. Even tho you have had to get used to feeling like this after so long, I still want to give you a great big warm hug xx

Posted by: Murlo

I didn’t think you were cussing me out at all! The Doctor is right. You absolutely have a strong work ethic. Strength generally. Even tho you have had to get used to feeling like this after so long, I still want to give you a great big warm hug xx

Murlo, 

I believe you will give me a big hug. I hope that's okay. It's something I want. Like I am working this recovery not because but in part because I really reckon we could be good mates. 

I reckon if I stay gamble free and you do, we could be a good influence on each others futures. I hope that makes sense. 

I look forward to my 90 days and connecting and being good recovery buddies. 

I hope you don't think I'm bonkers with this. It's just summat I really want. Like to witness you and Hubby reaffirm your marriage vows. I reckon that will be wonderful. If I'm invited. It's okay if not. 

D x

I will definitely be giving you a great big hug. We will stay gamble free. We’ve got this. I would love you to be part of mine and hubby’s special event. I really mean that.  I too believe that we would be good for each other’s recovery so there is nothing bonkers in what you say. You never know I might even tackle my compulsive typo behaviour ?

ps you wouldn’t have wanted to be mates with Katz. I didn’t like her at all. Funny how a pseudonym can matter so much!