The way I stopped is by getting my wages paid into a coventry building society bank account which means you can only withdraw money from the cash point and not able to enter to bank details in to online gaming websites, it's the best thing I have ever done, I hope this helps because it changed my life
107 days gf,
Dear diary, all blocks remain in place, counselling still weekly and going well.
I keep reading daily posts on the forum about being kind to myself. I’m finding this really difficult. For years I have been selfish and my addiction has had that hold over me. When I look at my partner and son I have a heavy heart. Knowing what I have done and finally seeing the light is sometimes all too consuming. I don’t cry anymore which I’m taking as a positive but I do still feel a tremendous amount of guilt.
I am taking each day as it comes and I do know that I never want to become that person I was in the height of my addiction again.
I suppose it’s the knowledge that without the payments going out to repay my huge debt we would be able to afford the things life keeps throwing at us. It’s not that we won’t be able to it’s just they are going to take longer to achieve I suppose. I’m rambling now.
But I’ve come this far and I will continue with every breath I take to show my family I am committed to the journey for today, tomorrow and our future.
Sarah
Hi Sarah- wow well done on so many gf days. Self compassion is one of the most difficult things to do because we often feel “I don’t deserve it” . Yes you have made some choices that weren’t brilliant, me too (and thousands of others). We can’t change the past, And although we can plan, we can’t do anything about tomorrow really until it comes. So as you said, being in the moment and living each day as it comes is all we can do ultimately. You have been gf for absolutely ages, I admire you so much for that. I find it difficult to forgive myself for what I have done and the family time and money I have wasted- but it’s today that counts and being the best person I can be. I do deserve to show myself kindness, compassion and forgiveness - and so do you. You’re a superstar so keep going :)) x
Feeling a tad brighter in myself today. God knows why woth the prospect of three nights starting tonight lol
I’ve cooked, cleaned, washed, been gym and swimming.
Read a post from someone I have talked to through this site. He talked about finding the new him on his recovery journey and it gave me the motivation I was looking for today.
Still gf, taking one day at a time.
Hi Sarah. Well done on being gf for over 100 days. Looking forward to getting there myself.
Sounds like your relationship with your brother is getting better. He didn’t close the door and he accepted the Xmas presents. And gave you a wink. He will see how you turned your life around , I’m sure he misses you too.
I also have a heavy heart when I think about what I have done to my family. The curse of the cg. I try not to spend too much time beating myself up, but it is hard not too. You have a loving and supportive partner and a son who loves you. That is a true gift.
We can’t change yesterday but we can choose to to be gf and things will fall into place.
Keep going.
Carol
Hi Sarah. Well done on being gf for over 100 days. Looking forward to getting there myself.
Sounds like your relationship with your brother is getting better. He didn’t close the door and he accepted the Xmas presents. And gave you a wink. He will see how you turned your life around , I’m sure he misses you too.
I also have a heavy heart when I think about what I have done to my family. The curse of the cg. I try not to spend too much time beating myself up, but it is hard not too. You have a loving and supportive partner and a son who loves you. That is a true gift.
We can’t change yesterday but we can choose to to be gf and things will fall into place.
Keep going.
Carol
Sorry for the double post. Having weird connection problems tonight. Bad winter weather.
111dags gf,
10th Counselling session completed.
Talked about my guilt, self hate, self worth. Felt good to let it all out.
Took son to football training this evening with my partner. Stopped on the way and off the cuff we bought him some new football boots, felt amazing! His little face! This gamble free life is so the way forward!
Still miles to go on this journey I’m taking but seeing those little rewards tells me I’m definitely on the right path.
Sarah
That’s amazing Sarah, well done in 111 days gf that’s a massive achievement. Glad the counselling is helping
Well done can’t wait to get to 111 days 🙂
Thanks Caseyjay!
112gf days!
Inpromptu visit by friends, gin fuelled night....loved it!
Made arrangements for a couple of weeks away which before this journey I would never have committed to.
Onwards and upwards!
Sarah
hi sarah, just thought id pop by and say well done on the hundred days, we've definately or currently beating this addiction. Dont feel bad abot whats happened and the consequences, its only money, money cant take ur son to football practice or watch him grow up, evenings with friends drinking gin and chatting cant be bought, it takes a charactor and love to share with others not a wallet. Take each day as it comes as i will and look for new activities of a new lifestyle. I will follow you on here and on chat for as long as i can as it has brough me soo much positivity. Lets continue to make 2019 the best year, it will be challenging but rewards like your boys footy boots and the laughs you got when your friends came over are worth every effort. We've defeated the illness, it trys everyday to get back in but we know what can be gained if we continue to say no to it LIFE.
Thanks Adam, means a lot to read that.
Dear diary 116gf days. On nights.
Just had statement for dmp through. Collectively with the dmp and payments to my brother I have paid back over 3.5k already! I’m feeling super proud! Still a long way to go but a huge sense of satisfaction!
No urges to gamble .
Sarah
Hey Sarah
well done on continuing to be gf. You are doing brilliantly. And a good chunk of money paid back already- fantastic
keep going my friend, one day at a time.
Stu
Hi Sarah we chatted tonight.
Hi Charlene,
Was lovely to speak with you this evening. Always here if you need to talk.
Take each day as it comes. It’s bloody tough ride but I have faith you can do it.
Sarah
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