My life with addiction

GA meeting again last night so another building block in place in 15 peoples lives in there ongoing fight with addiction. The man who was chairing the meeting when i first walked through the door on the 21st of April 2007 passed 15 years since his last bet in any shape or form. I thank him for simply being there to guide me through my early recovery, to gently point out that my way of tackling addiction didnt & wouldnt work for me. That GA has a recovery program that will not fail you if you are just willing to work it.

On the subject of working recovery the conversations were very much around that. A few new members who had been there for 2-4 weeks had done very well with not gambling but still hadnt bothered to read the GA handbook that had been given to them @ there first meeting. When asked why the general excuse was they hadnt had time. The GA handbook is by no means war & peace it is a small pamphlet that would take somebody 10 mins tops to read. There reluctance to make such a small investment of their time reminded me very much of my early days in recovery & the majority of people i see come both through the doors of GA & posting on here. It seems as in life us CGs tend to want to put the minimum of effort in to get the results we want.
One newer member was asked how much time he spent gambling or thinking about gambling. His reply was approx 5hrs aday gambling the other 12 of his waking day thinking about it. So about 120 hrs a week. How much time was he putting into his recovery, a 2 hour meeting & maybe another hour during the rest of his week thinking about it. Its no wonder that only 3-5% of people will get to 1 year gamble free is it when this is the normal attitude to tackling our addiction.

No one is suggesting that 120 hrs a week is put back into recovery. That would be as crazy & destructive as the gambling. What we are searching for is balance back in our lives isnt it? But there must be a trade off surely, maybe 10 -20% of that time dedicated to creating a new gamble free life for ourselves. Doesnt sound like to much of a price to pay for ongoing peace & sanity.

Day@atime

Fella what an awesome post, I will personally give every waking moment to my own recovery because I know by putting the effort in it is ceaseless in the rewards I recieve from it. That little orange booklet I received on my first days recovery is never far from my side, f**k it's battered now, it's probably the most read piece of literature I own.

Because it is compellingly true, a little book filled with wisdom beyond it's pages.

I have encountered the same frustrating feelings you have regarding folk not embracing it, sad but often I have found them left behind at the close of meetings.

The 3% statistic has stuck in my mind since my first meeting, because it really is a true figure, my goal in life is to see that percentage grow.

With contributions like yours today fella my faith in the possibility of that grows.

I salute your efforts.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi day@atime
Thanks for advice, have tried with gamcare therapy but unfortunately it ended up being e mail due to shifts which I didn't find helpful and agree I am in need.
Take care and your advice is very much appreciated
Cheryl x

Hi Dan,
I have found they have GA meetings in my area and will certainly consider giving it a go as nothing is worse than how I am feeling now. Thanks again for support
Cheryl x

What area is it Cheryl i may have contact details for them if you have any questions before attending

Dan x

I looked into ga but there too far from me although I see a councillor personally anyway having read your thread thank you it is insightful and inspiring especially your last at the moment every time I pick my phone up I come to this forum just two days ago I would have hit one of the sites thanks for your comments on my thread could you possibley quote some of the things you found helped from the booklet as so then those of us who don't go to ga could read and maybe take use from x

Hi Dan
It's Peterborough and thanks
Cheryl x

Hi Dan,

Thanks for asking, and caring, have 2nd one next Tuesday, I am asking about a few different avenues, but feeling optimistic that one of these will be right for me.

Suzanne xxx

Will do Dan
Cheryl x

GA meeting again last night, 18 people adding a new building block to their recovery of addiction.
Thursday is our steps discussion night. Always a healthy debate/argument!
Steps 8 & 9 were the topic of conversation last night, these two steps are about making amends to the people who have been hurt & damaged by your addiction.
Step 8 asks us to become willing to make amends to write down those whom we have wronged & how we have done so.
It asks us to stop blaming & feeling blamed & to have a willingness to heal those wounds.
Step 9 then asks us to carry out our written down list. To swallow our pride & sincerely apologize to others for the hurt we may have caused but to only carry this out if it is not counterproductive & cause even more hurt.

The question that came about from the discussion of these steps was that surely we have been apologizing & trying to make amends since day one. Yes these things are true but the point of the steps is to make amends for the right reasons. Our reasons in early recovery are based on our shame on our self pity they are about guilt they are about trying to hold on to loved ones we may believe will leave us. They are not an apology to make the victim feel better they are an apology to make you feel better .
By working the previous 7 steps hopefully our minds are clear enough, we have found peace love & serenity within our ownself to now offer our apologies without expecting something in return

Hi Dan
Wasn't able to make the meeting due to working. Have read your post though and will keep you posted
Cheryl x

So i have been reading on a lot of posts about urges & the struggle to stop from slipping back into old ways & how to move on from that initial honeymoon period of abstinence that lasts for a few weeks or months.
When i first came into recovery barriers, my general lack of money, being caught & confronted & then watched like a hawk, my feelings of guilt & shame were enough to stop me from gambling short term. They were a short term solution for a long term problem.
These things fade they will not work long term. What i needed to find was a long term solution..
I couldnt ask my mind to give up addiction by just starving it, it would always remain lurking, waiting for me if i had no other solutions. I needed to enter into an emotional negotiation with addiction. I needed to tell it we were in this together. That that part of my thinking counted. I understood that i couldnt ask it to give up what it felt was a real solution to soothing me emotionally without giving it something in return. Something that it would find at least as important that in the long run would work better for it. Something it would enjoy something that would work. I wasnt talking bribes or short term treats. I was talking about genuine satisfaction of real needs. Of a full & purposeful life, a sense of self worth & satisfaction. With these things i dont need addiction to solve my fears of failure, rejection, anxieties, depressions, my feelings of helplessness, dissatisfication with life in general. If i could just face up & find the courage to directly tackle the things i had run away from then finally i could be free from having to put my faith into addictions power to temporarily hide me from it.

Hi Dan,

Thanks for your post, and hey, any advice I am only to happy to receive, yes, I should have deleted like the rest straightaway, because for around 15 seconds that addiction was jumping for joy,

Have a lovely gambling free Sunday,

Suzanne xx

I have been reading the family & friends forum over the last few days with much interest. Almost to a man women & child there is hardly a mention of the money wasted by their partners, it is not what is important to them. It is the lifestyle we lead that hurts. The lying the stealing the never being there emotionally for them, our lack of communication our unwillingness to change or take responsibility. Compare that to the CGs diaries, 90% of the posts are about money or finances, debts,what icould have done with the money, what i will do with it when i have some.
Stop making the issue financial it isnt. Strive to give back the important things we have stolen from our nearest & dearest. Give them back your time, your empathy, your understanding, your love. Give them back what they need...you

Dan x

Hi Dan,

Thank you so much for dropping in on my diary.

Your words resonate with me so much. It is only now that I can think with more clarity as I put more days to my recovery. Feeling stronger and staying close to this site has helped me to be able to write a post like I did last night.

I will catch up with your diary later tonight as I have to finish work right now....

Keep strong, and thanks again

Ade