My life with addiction

Sh17, no pressure then 😉 Truth is, I don't think I have anything to offer & everything to learn! & I actually think it was the thought of going to GA that opened the door to Mr Gamble...A sort of, 'I'll give you something to winge about girl'! I'm pretty sure, in the back of my mind, that I was worrying people would think I was gloating, rocking up now with nothing particularly noteworthy in the way of urges for some time! I do agree with the NM, who I have to say was surprisingly intuitive & said I was worrying about nothing! I am not overwhelmed by my feelings of guilt, how easy I have found 'giving up gambling' so far, but I'm very conscious that there is a difference between stopping & recovering! I also don't like recommending something I haven't actually any knowledge of!

The jury is back out on the subject now as the opportunity for my local (ist - Aylesbury) meeting has passed for a few weeks now due to my shift pattern! I'm thinking a trip to Gloucester maybe on the cards...When are your meetings?

I couldn't agree more with your comments about gambling affecting children...But I'm not so sure that the stark difference in your children is solely that!

We may have had different fathers but both myself & my sister were bought up in the same household with 2 addicts & my niece & nephew the same & unless you count abject stupidity as an addiction, without an addict! Madam could be me & the Little man, my sister! You have mentioned that you have a tendency to overthinks things...Is it possible that this is unnecessary blame on yourself for your boy being more melancholy than your girl?

Hi, Dan,

Thanks for your posts. My friend reckons that we don't make the same mistakes as our parents. We make different ones.

Maybe avoid labelling your children, so that they don't try to live up to the label?

My youngest still chews her fingers...otherwise she doesn't display obsessive behaviour... Yet.

BW,

CW

Morning Dan,

Am all in for reading your theory, I will, appreciate your thoughts. :)) can't get to the couch though lol.

Suzanne xxx

I'm more than happy for you to shove me anytime you like! Thanks.

It's interesting that you've learned so much from the GA room. I'm going to read some of the writing by the people you mentioned as they might help to piece together another little part of the puzzle.

Although I totally agree that gambling affects our children ( whether we think we're hiding it from them if not) I can't agree on what you say about those personality types being a prime for gambling. In my house I'm very much like your little girl and my husband is a procrastinator extraordinaire. I do everything way in advance, I'm never late, I like being organised, I'm mostly calm and I'll talk openly about anything. Hubby leaves everything to the last minute, is virtually always late and hasnt had a thought about his place in the world/environment since 1984 yet I'm the member on here, not him!

Could it just be as simple as different personality types?

LifeBegins x

Right, the 14th December it is then but the NM wants me home by midnight 😉 & I want a disclaimer saying you won't sue if I'm forced to deploy the Ninja stuff 🙂

Evening Dan,

It may have just been a theory, ( and no you don't know the details and you don't know me personally ) but wow dear Dan, you have pretty much summed it up, pretty much spot on,

I would pretty much say that you understand my drive, (no one else ever has lol) might sound stupid but I am glad some one understands some of me.I had a feeling you would get it right :)))

Thanks for that

Suzanne xxx

I think I have already started that path :)), it started when my recovery got somewhat stronger, but it does confuse and stress me out at times, the road is uneven and bumpy, but certainly drivable,

Xx

Funnily enough I've had Brenee Brown's "The Gifts of Imperfection" on my bedside table for at least 6 months but I haven't made it through the first chapter. Might be time to dust it off and try again. I'll look up the TED talk. Loius's words about not being able to think my way to recovery ring true, and that it's not just about understanding the addiction but about taking action. I think that's where I fall down. A work in progress for sure.

LB x

Just watched the TED talk. I take it back....no more shove's for a while now please as that last one's left me reeling.

LB x

re gambling not affecting children/others... it absolutely does! It's not about the bills getting paid and supper on the table etc its the fact that when you are entrenched in addiction you are not present An active gambler is living in another world where it is virtually impossible to think about much but themselves as it is all consuming. Just my opinion from the otherside:)

Thanks one and all. It's always good to talk.

​There are many differing opinions on how to treat addiction. But there's only one universally accepted theory on where addiction stems from.. Pain. Put simply addiction is a tool we use to either start feeling something or to stop feeling something. The question we should all be asking is not why am I addicted but why am I in pain. The real issue to address is what is it about addiction that works for me. What am I getting out of it. People don't gamble because they're greedy or stupid or selfish. They gamble because they are numb,afraid, lack purpose in life. You don't get fixed by taking away the opportunity to gamble, that is not recovery or treatment. Hurt people, hurt other people & they will continue to do so when all that is addressed are the symptoms of your disease. Take a look around these diaries, what is talked about non-stop? Debt & money. It is of little wonder why so few find recovery when they continue to look in the wrong places. All addictions serve the same purpose, to give us a sense of safety & calm to temporarily alleviate our sense of helplessness, hopelessness and unworthiness. Our fear, shame, guilt anger and resentments will continue to haunt and taunt us while we continue to run from them. So stop running, surrender & give them the attention they deserve.

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Hi, Dan,

That may well be true and we're agreed that facing demons/soul searching plus abstinence is needed for recovery. All due credit where credit's due.

But it is possible to experience trauma, pain, sadness, bereavement, or to have hang ups and issues without becoming addicted to anything.

BW,

CW

Agreed CW. I wasn't suggesting addicts had a monopoly on pain,trauma & shame. Hope it doesn't come across as that. What they do have however is the learnt experience that addiction is a very successful way of temporarily dealing with it. It is a coping strategy that is very difficult to let go of without any other solutions. Substances * behaviours aren't in themselves addictive, it is the feelings they illicit that are

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Hi Dan,

I don't entirely agree with you saying that folks become addicted to gambling because they are in pain, unhappy, or ashamed, ( this comes like a brick being thrown at us after we become addicted)

I know some people get addicted because they are unhappy, and I understand what you say about no purpose, drive, and motivation, but plenty of CGs start gambling when they have a happy stable life, and gambling is entertaining and good fun, and no CG wanted to become a CG (unless they are nuts lol) .

I believe this addiction can affect anyone, without them having any hangups to start with.

Also on CGs affecting their children, of course gambling does, the CG does not have the time or patience for their family, and when active they are in a world of their own, any illness, or addiction, does have an effect on children in the household.

Having said that I am sure the different personalities with your two kids, are not solely because of your past, it is quite rare to have two kids with the same attitudes and personalities, I am quite sure you are a very loving Dad, and maybe reading into too much with your son.

Suzanne xxx