My life with addiction

The 12 Step Program provides a forum that breaks down the shame & secrecy surrounding addiction.
Most importantly, the program doesnt tell me how to stop. I had stopped a thousand & one times before on my own.
It does however show me how to keep from starting again.
I always had it backwards before. I always wanted the counsellor, my partner, my willpower to do the stopping for me, to fix me.
Now i have stopped, & in my surrender to the facts my way wont & dont work, the power of my belief in something becomes effective in me.

:)))) Dan.

Have been putting together a 12 Step based Retreat for compulsive gamblers over the last few months with another GA member. Finally seems to be coming together. Numbers attending are good & anticipation is high.
Five Step based sessions over two days with optional meditation & activities available in peoples downtime. Big camp fire & barbecue in the evening & maybe even time for a beer or two.

14 addicts coming together in a barn in the middle of nowhere to talk about their gambling, their feelings & their continued recoveries. What could go wrong eh?

What a brilliant thing to do Dan....amazing.

Wishing you all the best with it...would be interested to hear a debrief further down the line!

What a great idea let me know how it goes and if any plans for further ones.

The Steps are a powerful program of change. They evoke a multitude of healing forces that can save our lives & open doors we would never have thought possible. But we never know what we are going to find when one of those doors swing open.
Most things are rarely as they seem. For example. I was always afraid that i would discover i was insane. In recovery I learned I had been, & in a sense it was a relief. I didnt fear it anymore. I just accepted it & got on with establishing a foundation for recovery. Its almost like I was knocking on the door of insanity my whole life, & when it opened, I realized i had been knocking from the inside, trying to get out.

While the Steps offer an incredible formula for inner change, we have to do the work. No one will do it for us. We have to reach down & dig deep & confront ourselves as we have never done so before.
We will feel worse before we feel better, & we need to give up trying to find an easier softer way. We must accept that life can be difficult & that most of the time the path of lesser resistance isnt generally the best one. We need to quit trying to get other people to bend to our will & expectations & demands so that we can feel better about ourselves. Our dependency on other people for our self esteem is a recurring underlying problem amongst addicts. To change this, we need to learn how to hold onto ourselves & take responsibility for our own feelings & emotions. This is a crucial next step in our recoveries once we have established a strong foundation of abstainence from gambling.

Lots of amazing ideas in the forum today. Make sure you do some smores. Nothing better!

Afternoon Dan , I just wanted to stop off and offer a few words of apology regarding my behaviour toward you of late , I've had a couple of weeks reflection and to be honest I realise that your right regarding the mind of an addict , I really feel that I've tried to bring my competetive edge that I gained through years of gambling along to the forum and really couldn't bere to lose even an argument with anyone , even if in my case it was unfounded .

I feel having had time away to reflect , that I've gained a bit more clarity with my life and my actions , feeling wonderfull right now and with more focus and determination to succeed in gaining a new gamble free life again.

So sincerest apologies are enclosed but regret over my comments to you remain with me !

Best wishes for your continued recovery and just to add I'm loving your'e new logo by the way , very apt ! .

Alan

Phil your going to have to help me out here as I have a BA in FA. Not sure why you only responded to me after three or four others said the same kind of thing. CW sent you a very dignified response which you choose to ignore & instead came to me & had another half a dozen digs in my direction.
I have read your numerous diaries & along with the good stuff this is at least the 2nd time youve accused me of 13th Stepping. I think you need to expand on how you think im doing that, as its probably the biggest insult you could level at me.
My moderation was over a comment made about the forum & not personal attacks on peoples character, i will leave that to you.

Self righteous, zero humility, 12 step expert, burgers & beer, 13th Stepper. Who knows, maybe im guilty as charged. What i cant be charged with though is attacking individuals & calling into question their marriage.
I will stick to talking about addiction & recovery. Might not be to everyones taste on a gambling recovery site but what do i know.

Hi, Dan,

Crikey, I didn't intend to trigger another argument - sorry. I do appreciate your input but please don't let forum relationships degenerate over this one because then I would feel bad.

Phil isn't the first person to suggest that I need to address the anger, the previous suggestions have been about bitterness. Hmmm. I'd like to think that I am addressing it and that time takes time, which is so. However, ignoring the issue of tact or the motives behind the other criticism, I can't really say that such comments are wholly without foundation. But progresss not perfection, human imperfection not inhuman perfection, onwards and upwards etc.

Take care of yourself.

CW

Hey Mr 😉

Hmm..i did my time so you must be somewhere close by too ☺
Thank you for your unconditional support & laughs...yup...laughs i so enjoy (who would of thought)!

You know the saying - " i cannot win because i cannot stop"...we have v similar in my other "bad habit" - " you can stop the second drink if you won't start the first one"..rings similar bells huh 😉

Take care and look after yourself

S x

A Secret:

More people talk about addiction than understand it. Thats because most people dont know the secret at addictions core.

The secret is control.
Because all addicts are control addicts & every addiction is an addiction to control.

Control what? FEELINGS

We addicts are people who cant deal with feelings & so feel compelled to find something that makes feelings go away ( work, s*x, gambling, alcohol, shopping, drugs etc) . Anything that alters our mood can be turned into an addiction. That includes behaviours not inherently unhealthy like exercise, or meditation or even say volunteering.

The variations are infinate, but they share the same root. The need to alter or control how one feels.

I personally have used many things to control my feelings. Alcohol, women, work, drugs & of course my most self destructive one gambling. Today I use GA but cant write about that as i am still in a small amount of denial around it.

These are just a few of the things i have used to take me to my safe place. The Garden of Numb. You know the place, its where your focus narrows, and the world goes away, anxiety recedes & tension & worry disappear for at least a short time.

The problems arise when you can no longer live outside of the garden.

My various addictions each took on a life of their own. Each stopped being something i was doing & became something that was doing me!. I lost control of the very thing i was using to control how i managed my feelings.

At GA meetings we generally look at two things initially through Step1.

1/ What people do, repeatedly & compulsively to get themselves into the garden &
2/ How impaired this controlling behaviour leaves them.

As a general rule this is what we see.

Bad feelings:
Since they have no way but numbness to manage their feelings & since nobody can stay numb constantly, addicts are emotionally uncomfortable much of the time.

Bad choices:
Since the unconcious priority of addiction is feelings management, addicts tend to follow the path that is least emotionally threatening to them( so for example gambling addicts will focus on debt & monetary issues) & their decision making reflects this instead of say a more healthy choice such as say, awareness of reality, determination to solve problems or concern for the needs & feelings of others.

Bad Relationships.
Addicts struggle with relationships simply because addicts arent present in the moment, their feelings are missing or subdued & impaired. So they cant be fully honest or authentic & on the flip side cant tolerate honesty & authenticity in others. They struggle to communicate in a way that promotes real connection, real intimacy & mutual understanding.

Feelings are a kind of waste material, the emotional by product of our experiences. Just as physical waste must be expelled from our bodies, feelings must be also, they must be expressed- not hidden or stored away. When they arent, we get sick, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

Humans express themselves or depress themselves

Hi Dan,

Many thanks for your post last week. Glad my dark humour not lost on you but boy this is serious business.

I appreciate you last post. You are so right about underlying secrets. I have always had a poor relationshop with money and if I was not gambling I would probably be over spending on worthless things. This coupled with massive impatience and an insatiable appetite for pretty much anything I enjoy is a recipe for disaster. I am an addict first and a gambing addict second. I am trying to conquer the secret underlying former addiction before I can arrest the latter. Do to that I am trying to be at peace with myself and content with what I have. A tall order but getting there. Once again a good post. I wish you well.

Best wishes,

Mark

Hi Dan

I really like that post and it mirrors my own thoughts, guided by ACT, on addiction and escapism.

I've known for some time that my own addiction was linked to me repressing my emotions.

There's a terrible paradox with addiction. The more we escape the painful thoughts and feelings- ie 'repress' - the bigger they become.

Avoidance really doesn't work. Being guided by short term gain really isn't fulfilling.

There's a flip side to needing short term gain -it's the same as being dictated to by your fears.

To me avoidance is linked with confidence. Confidence in the sense of relying on yourself. Confidence is acting in accordance with your values, without waiting for the good feelings to do so.

Hope you're well

Louis

For anybody who attends GA. Please check out the latest eddition of the Lets Talk magazine. At last GA seems to be taking the 12 Step program seriously. Until the 12 Step program is restored to the heart of every meeting as was always the intention, results will be questionable. GA is a recovery fellowship & not a lock you up in chains one. It is a program to set you free & not one to keep you in restraints where every day feels like a fight.