My life with addiction

Thanks Dan..it's just a day on my journey x

Thank you Dan. I don't always like what you have to say, or moreover the way you say things, but often you put out a little gem that is really inspiring. I just wish you would support newcomers more, and do it in a welcoming way. You know how people feel when they come on here, a little pat on the back works wonders especially when it comes from someone with huge success under their belt, it takes a while to get down to the serious business of recovery, sometimes you don't allow for that, or comment about it in a condescending way which does, as you are well aware, get right on my whatsits. Anyway, I won't change you and you won't change me, the world would be a boring place if we were all the same, I quite enjoy a little ruck at times to be honest. My journey thus far certainly wouldn't have been the same without you lol, and I appreciate your well wishes.

x

I know your familiar with the immaturity of addiction so will see right through my request....

But, can I have a signed calender also, and yes, especially the one with the cheeky pout.

I sometimes wonder with some diarists whether we would get on in 3d life. And despite what some may think, I would say that we definitely wouldn't. My logic there is, I know you would see through my addictive B'S and tell me how it is, rather than the words I'd want to hear. I'm honored to know a kinda female version of you and f***k, despite knowing it's for my best, she drives me doo lally in removing my excuses of denial.

I kinda get your life on GC. You kinda know that new comers are not ready and also long termers like me to join the top table of recovery and that there first hurdles is learning for them selves the baffling of addictions.

Have a goodie

re: Barriers.

Its easier to teach & follow rules than it is principles.

If you have principles, you dont need rules.

AND A FINAL WORD...

Please try and quit conning yourself that you need to get into the "right mood" to take this step. You're in the right mood to take this step when you are ready to quit hurting and get well. All of our lives, we have tried to "think our way into action."
This time, we must, "act our way into right thinking." We who have taken this step can tell you that it works.
We didn't know how it worked before we took it, and we can't tell you how it works
after we took it...so quite worrying about that.
What you are seeking is not mere "relief"...you'll get that, don't worry. What will come will be real joy in living.
Believe us, you can get it, and a giant step toward getting it is to dump the accumulated garbage that you are now carrying around.
So get your pen and paper and begin!

Final words before you start: if you honestly don't know the answer to a question, then just indicate that you don't know. But try and answer each question in the best way that you can.
And remember...if any question suggests an area of discomfort (trouble), then write
it out...get it down on paper...get rid of it!

WE STRIVE FOR PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

End of General Directions
CHILDHOOD

1. What kind of relationship did your mother have with her parents?

2. What kind of relationship did your father have with his parents?

3. Were you wanted at birth?

4. Write out the circumstances of your family at the time of your birth. Things such
as:
a. Family size
b. Age differences (Your parents, brothers & sisters)
c. Financial status
d. Was there laughter?
e. Arguing?
f. Depression?
g. Were other relatives living with you?
h. Other circumstances?

5. In general, describe what you think your family thought of you.
a. Did you feel your parents' attitude toward you was different than other
parents toward their children?
b. How old were you at the birth of brothers and sisters?
c. How did you feel about the new arrivals?
d. Were either of your parents sick enough to need hospitalizations?
e. Were you separated from any important family member?
f. Was there fear or guilt about this separation...in other words, did you feel
responsible?

6. Were you threatened by the Boogey Man or the Devil if you misbehaved?
a. If so, what were your fears in this regard?

7. A child is made to feel guilty about his/her normal sexual curiosity. This comes
about by his/her being caught and punished for touching himself/herself, or being
caught masturbating, or playing "Doctor", or for participating in group masturbation.
Many parents tell children that sexual feelings are evil and must be punished. With
no s*x education, and given this sort of teaching, a child will naturally distort what
he/she knows about s*x. When a child is exposed to fully developed nude persons
(for instance in the bathroom at home, or in public), he/she may begin to feel
inadequacy in adult life, even after the person is a thoroughly developed adult.
a. Write down any of the above experiences that you have had or make you
feel uneasy.

8. Did you have a difficult time pleasing one or both of your parents?
a. Were you constantly directed and redirected by your parents?
b. Did you obey docilely?
c. Did you have feelings of distress and boredom?
d. Were you afraid of the dark?
e. Were you afraid to fight?
f. Or were you afraid not to fight because of pressure from your mother or
father or older brothers or sisters or others?

9. Did your parents submit to your whims and immature demands most of the time?
a. Did you have temper tantrums?
b. How did your parents punish you? By trying to reason, or was it physical?
c. How did you react to punishment?

10. What kind of marriage do you think your parents had?
a. If they fought, did you resent it?
b. Did it scare you?
c. Were you used to breaking up their fights?
d. Did you take one side or the other?
e. Were your parents preoccupied with themselves?
f. Did they lack awareness of your needs?
g. Was there an absence of affection, concern, or loving attention in your
home?

11. If your parents were from different religions, did you feel confused about it?
a. What particular idea of "God" was impressed upon you?
b. Did you reject this concept because it seemed inadequate?
c. If you did reject this idea, did you imagine you had abandoned the God
idea entirely?
d. Did your parents teach you that God was a loving God or a punishing God?

12. Were you afraid of storms?

13. List all the feelings of guilt, fear, resentments, you had toward each person in
your life as a child (not your feelings now).

14. Did you feel you were "bad"?
a. Did you put yourself into situations that caused others to punish you?

15. List the first time that you ever stole anything?
a. Inventory all your childhood thefts.

16. How old were you when you first masturbated?
a. Were you ever caught and made to feel guilty?
b. Did you feel guilty even though you weren't caught?
c. What other kinds of sexual curiosity were you involved in (h********l,
animal, with any other members of the family, anything else)?

17. If you were named after someone, what was that person like?

18. Did your family move often?
a. If so, did you make friends and then have to break off the relationship so
often that you became afraid to become close?

19. Do you remember starting school?
a. What were your feelings?
b. Try to remember each successive grade in school and as you do, write out
the resentments you felt toward teachers, pupils, anyone.
c. Any fights?
d. Slights?
e. Hurts?
f. Embarrassments?

20. Did you resent your relatives, friends, or parents? If so, list them. No resentment
is too small to mention. The AA Big Book states, "Resentment is the number one
offender." (pg 64)

21. What kind of language did your parents use?
a. Were you ashamed of them for this or anything else?
b. Did you ever see your parents in the nude?
c. What were your feelings?
d. Did you ever see or hear your parents having s*x?
e. What were your feelings?

22. In every family, a child usually has certain "chores" assigned.
a. What were yours?
b. Were they fair?
c. Could you do them in ways that would please your parents?
d. Do you remember longing for a carefree childhood because of the absence
of play?

23. Did your parents seem to like your friends better than they did you?
a. Did your friends seem to like your parents better than they did you?
b. If so, did you resent this?

24. Any bad experiences at Sunday school?
a. Or at summer camp?

25. Were you an only child?
a. Did you resent this or enjoy it?

26. Did your parents want a child of the opposite s*x when they had you?
a. Did they name you, or dress you, to match their s*x choice?
b. Did your appearance (looks, dress, etc.) embarrass you?
c. Did you feel you were "different" from your class mates?

27. Were you treated as a nuisance or a burden?

28. Did you treat possible friends with hostility or obnoxious behavior?
a. Did you force friends to abandon friendly behavior?

29. Did you feel your parents attitude toward you was different than other parents
toward their children?

Write down any other childhood memories that were painful.

Which of the above questions about childhood was the toughest for you to answer?

Do you know why?

End of Childhood Section
ADOLESCENCE

Often an adolescent relies on the misguided s*x information obtained from his peers.
This can produce a number of severe problems (i.e. never outgrowing the desire to
have s*x with the opposite parent, brother, sister...sometimes the desire for sexual
activities with the parent of the same s*x.) Although these are unconscious desires,
they bring on conscious guilts that have to be dealt with. Distortion may come when
a person is too young emotionally to handle adult s*x. There is involvement because
of peer pressure or the desire to please another. Not being in touch with adult
feelings, pretenses set up which then leads to anger, disappointment, and guilt. These
feelings, in turn, can have a tendency to prevent normal sexual and emotional growth.
The guilt prevents the person from talking the feelings out with a mature adult,
which may result in a need to repeat the same pattern over and over again.

1. Write down your experience concerning the above, both heterosexual and
h********l.

2. Some girls are taught that men are interested in s*x only, and some boys are
taught that they must be "the greatest of all time." These attitudes are destructive and
damaging to the total person.
a. Have you experienced either of these attitudes?
b. Is there a pattern?
c. How has it affected you?

3. Did you have friends when you were an adolescent?

4. Did you consider friendly overtures a possible trick?

5. Did you have feelings of complete worthlessness?

6. What kind of friend were you?

7. What interest or lack of interest did you have in school?

8. How was your social life?

9. Did you participate in sports or creative activities such as music, art, etc.?

10. What were the reasons for your participation or non-participation in these
activities?

11. Were you a trouble maker? If so, in what way?
a. Did you destroy property?
b. Did you resent leaders-either physical or mental?
c. Did what seemed to satisfy others provide no satisfaction for you?
d. Did you tend to drift, lack initiative, be short on persistence?
e. Did you feel passive discontent?
f. Did you resent not being the most handsome or beautiful person at school?

12. Did you feel you were a coward because you didn't want to fight?
a. Of did you like to fight?
b. Were you a bully?
c. If you are a boy, did you feel embarrassed because boys made fun of you or
girls avoided you?
d. If you are a girl, did you feel embarrassed because girls made fun of you or
boys avoided you?
e. Were you very sensitive to rebuff and almost automatically hostile?

13. Did you have a difficult time pleasing yourself?
a. Did it bother you if you made mistakes?
b. Were you overly concerned with every detail?

14. Some people feel inadequate as adults because they were at one time exposed to
youngsters more developed at that time. Were you exposed to other children in gym
class or the restrooms who were older than you and more developed physically?
a. How did you feel then?
b. How do you feel now?

15. Did you drift in and out of relationships?

16. Did you suffer intensely from insecurities and tend to keep people at a distance?

17. Did you feel that deep down you lacked an identity of your own?

18. Did you resent not being part of a crowd?
a. Or not being a leader?
b. Or not being "in"?

19. Were you shy or outgoing?
a. How are you now?

20. Does any particular type of person make you shy?

21. If you dropped out of school explain your feelings and reasons?

22. Anything happen to you in high school that was a continuing source of shame?

23. Did your parents compare you to other family members or friends?
a. Did you resent them for wanting you to be like someone else?

24. How did you get the attention of your family?
25. Did you have great longings for someone to care for you?
a. Did you make an effort to appear self-sufficient, independent of others,
detached, aloof?
b. Did you pout, sulk, be a good child, have temper tantrums, act like a
dummy?

26. Do you remember the kind of lies you told (if any)?
a. How did you feel when you got caught lying?

27. What was the most embarrassing incident of your adolescence?
a. Are there any others that you remember?

28. Did you have great difficulty in giving or receiving love and affection?

29. If sexual feeling were discounted and "put down" in your family, there is a strong
possibility that you will feel guilty about them. We "catch" attitudes. A boy who's
pushed to always do better, or is criticized no matter what he does, may find himself
having trouble in his sexual performance as an adult. Or a girl who has been told
that it is not-okay to feel s**y may grow up to dislike her own body and distrust her
feelings. These attitudes create unnatural or uncomfortable sexual behavior.
a. Did you "catch" any of these attitudes?
b. Can you see such attitudes cropping up in your life now?
c. First sexual intercourse:
1. What were your feelings?
2. Did you feel guilty?
3. Did you feel disappointed?
4. Be as explicit about the feelings as you can.

30. List in detail any h********l experience, masturbation fantasy, or other sexual
activity that you remember from this time. Keep in mind that we are not concerned
about "with whom" or "on what date" or "how often"...rather, we are concerned about
how you felt about the experience.

31. Did you get someone pregnant?
a. Or become pregnant yourself?
b. What did you do and how did you feel about your actions?

32. Were you ashamed of your parents?
a. Were they too old, too fat, too sloppy, too drunk, etc.?
b. Too whatever?

33. Did you have the kind of clothes that other kids wore?

34. Did you give the spiritual side of life a fair hearing?
a. Did you choose to believe that your human intelligence is the last word?

35. Was there enough money for the things that you needed?
a. If not, were you resentful that there wasn't?
b. If there was, did you take it too much for granted?
c. Did you feel any brothers or sisters got more than you did?
d. Write out your feelings about money as an adolescent.
e. Did you tend to be impulsive?

36. Did you tend to dominate some or many aspects of your life?

37. Were you the kind of child you would want to have?

38. Were you a thief?

39. Were you ever double-promoted (skipped a grade)?
a. If so, did you have trouble catching-up emotionally?
b. Were you held back a grade?
c. How did you act?
d. How did you feel...did you feel uncomfortable because you were younger,
older, than the other students?

40. Were you undependable as a friend...breaking off relationships without any
explanation when someone or something who seemed better came along?

41. Did you pit one member of your family against another?

42. What was the best experience you had during this period of your life?
a. The worst?

We've covered a lot of ground on these questions. Now, is there anything that made
you particularly uncomfortable when writing about it? Have you put down everything
that you can remember now that bugged you then? Even the simplest, most nit-
picking things are important if they trouble you. Put them down now.

End of Adolescence Section
ADULTHOOD

1. Are you afraid of getting too close to another person for fear of being rejected?

2. Do you test your relationships repeatedly, looking for slights or any indifference in
order to find some ground for complaint?

3. Do you reject others before they can reject you?

4. Are you so thin-skinned that you have trouble admitting any human weaknesses?
a. List some of your weaknesses that you are able to accept.
b. How well do you accept yourself in your own humanness?
c. Are you able to be less defensive about these weaknesses?

5. Define Love.
a. What do you feel it is?
b. Do you drift in and out of relationships?
c. Does it seem that people mean little to you?
d. Do you feel the desire for mothering/fathering?
e. For active caring?
f. For unlimited acceptance?

6. If you are married or have been married... list the things you and your mate had in
common and what your goals were at the onset of your marriage.
a. If you have been married more than once, do this with each marriage.
b. Now list the things that were different between you.

7. If you married a cold, unloving person, ask yourself why you chose that one to be
your mate?
a. Did you use it as an excuse to find new romances?
b. Was your mother or father cold and unloving...and is this your chance to
get even with them through your spouse?

8. Why did you get married?
a. Or...why haven't you gotten married?
b. Was the marriage for the right reasons?
c. Did you marry earlier than your peer group?
d. Later?
e. Do you accept or resent the responsibilities of marriage and family?
f. Do you share in the responsibilities for the families' problems?

9. Are you able to be cheerful when everything seems to be leading to despair?

10. Do you resist the impulse to complain to others about your situation?
a. Are you able to forgive those who have injured you?
11. Do you continue to assume excessive responsibility if there is no longer a
financial need?

12. Do you allow your family to come between you and your spouse?

13. Do you make excessive demands and expectations of your spouse?

14. Are you able to admit that you have no authority or power over any other human
being?

15. Do you create a pleasant, cheerful environment?
a. Do you try to?

16. Do you feel all human beings are basically good and sensitive?

17. Are you still a baby in your parent's eyes and take advantage of it?
a. Do you resent it?

18. Are you a baby in the eyes of your spouse?
a. Do you resent it?

19. Do you infringe on the rights and dignity of others?

20. Have your parents gotten you out of trouble you should have been able to handle
by yourself?

21. Do you gossip about others?

22. Are you comfortable with someone who is less fortunate than you?

23. Do you know how to respond to the needs of others?
a. To give of yourself?

24. When, and how, and in just what instances did your selfish pursuit of s*x relations
damage other people and yourself?
a. What people were hurt?
b. How badly?
c. Did you spoil your marriage and injure your children?
d. Did you jeopardize your job or your standing in the community?
e. Just how did you react to these situations at the time?
f. Did you burn with guilt that nothing could extinguish?
g. Did you have bouts of depression?
h. Or did you insist that you were the pursued and not the pursuer...and thus
absolve yourself?

25. How have you reacted to frustration in sexual matters?
a. When denied, have you become vengeful or depressed?
b. Did you "take it out" on other people?
c. If there was rejection or coldness in your home, did you use this as a reason for promiscuity?
d. Did you tend to be promiscuous with little or no lasting satisfaction or emotional interchange?

26. Many people who are lonely and don't really know how to love get involved senselessly in "sexcapades." The temporary loss of loneliness makes one call s*x
"love," but when the sexual partner is gone, it makes for an even greater feeling of loneliness.
a. Have you ever experienced this?

27. Are laws made for other people?
a. Do you make up your own laws as you go along?

28. If revenge were possible right now, who would be the top people on your list?
a. Why?

29. What are your present feelings about s*x, parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, your children, your mate, your intimate friends, your job, on being a
compulsive person, finances, divorce or marriage (depending on your present status).

30. What are your hopes and goals?

31. Does diversion and distraction interfere with your adult goals?
a. Do you believe that your situation is not really hopeless and that you are
capable of improving it?
b. Are you able to feel that tomorrow will be brighter if you've had a bad day?

32. Do you use s*x as a punishment or a reward?

33. How much time do you spend with your family?
a. With the program?

34. What is your greatest fear?

35. What is your s*x life like?
a. Is it as mature as you might want it to be?
b. Are you disappointed in your mate for not fulfilling your sexual needs?
c. Are you careless of your partner's feelings?
d. Write out your ideal of a healthy s*x life.

36. Do you engage in s*x in order to build your own ego by a feeling of conquest?

37. Are you afraid of being sexually rejected?

38. Are you ashamed of your body or the way you look?
a. Write out what's wrong with the physical you.
b. Write out the best things about you physically.
c. Now write out the things about yourself that you are ashamed of.

39. Do you feel you are still trying to please your parents?

40. Do you drive yourself to the point of exhaustion?

41. Do you accept that you can only do your best?

42. Do you use people to get what you want?

43. Do you expect others to pour out love, affection, and services?

44. Do you gossip or perform "character assassination" on others in order to "make
it" in the business or social world?
a. Or do you do this in an effort to feel superior (to the one gossiped about)?

45. If you are a thief, what have you stolen?
a. Don't forget to include employer's time and the good feelings others had
and you destroyed.
b. Have you used your employer's facilities, supplies or equipment for your
personal use without permission?

46. Do you have a pattern of getting sick?
a. Do you go to doctors repeatedly without finding anything organically
wrong?
b. Do you use illness as an excuse to avoid responsibilities or to get attention
or sympathy?

47. In business relationships, write out your resentments toward bosses and co-
workers.
a. Do you feel jealous of them?
b. Are you concerned that others in your office will get more money or
prestige than you will?
c. Do you try to prove you can "take it" on a job that is rough and tough?
d. Do you complain about how hard you must work?
e. List all the negative feelings you have about the people involved in your
work life.
f. Are you indifferent and/or careless on your job?
g. Do you think you should be the boss?
h. Do you use the excuse that your boss, or your family or friends, shouldn't
expect so much of you?
i. Are you able to laugh at yourself for sometimes trying to be other than that
which you are?
j. Do you feel good about yourself when you complete a job because you want
to finish it?

48. If you are divorced, or getting one, write out your negative feelings about the situation and the people involved. Resentments, fears, guilts, etc., concerning your
relationship with your mate, including feelings about your children.
a. Do you expect the children to make a decision on which parent they love
the best?
b. How well are you able to accept situations you cannot change?
c. Are you able to back away from conflict and confusion?

49. If married, write out exactly how you feel about your spouse and children.
a. Are they living up to your expectations?
b. What are your expectations?

50. Do you feel that no one really understands you?

51. Is your need for affection so intense that the demands for it may be exhausting in
a sexual relationship?

52. Are your expectations unreasonable?

53. How do you think you would be different if "they" were out of your life?

54. Are you uncomfortable in social situations?
a. Do you have trouble introducing people to each other?
b. Are you able to relax or do you find relaxing difficult?

55. Do you still feel different from other members of the program or apart from
them?
a. Do you feel superior or inferior?
b. Do you avoid looking at yourself by making statements such as, "Oh well,
some of us are sicker than others?"

56. Do you judge or make fun of people who appear to be less fortunate mentally,
physically, or morally than you think you are?

57. Do you compare yourself to others to make yourself suffer by picking people who
are further along in the program than you, or people who are talented in areas you
are not?

58. Are you able to accept the facts of a situation, thereby deciding what to do about
it?

59. The only person you can adequately compare yourself to is yourself:
a. How were you five days ago?
b. Five weeks ago?
c. Five months ago?
d. At your first meeting?
e. How are you now?

60. List every act you swore you would take to the grave, disclosing to no one. Be open and honest. (Remember, life gave us all good and bad experiences. Usually the
things you are most ashamed of are the very acts that made you try to grow into something of someone better. If you want freedom, you have to let go of it all. The
AA Big Book states..."We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it...No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can
benefit others..." (pg. 83-84) If you want to help bring peace into the lives of the people you will be dealing with later, you must find it in your own life first.

61. In what ways are you the responsible person?

62. Are you a tightwad?
a. What are your fears concerning money?
b. Do you spend money with no thought of tomorrow?
c. Are you heavily in debt?

63. Do you try to fill your life with the gratification of impulses?

64. Is your personal appearance particularly careless or prideful?
a. On sight, do you judge people by their appearance (whether sloppy or
neat)?
b. Are you never satisfied with yourself or others?

65. What things make you feel greedy, envious, angry?

66. Do you strive for wealth or reputation, or both, to the exclusion of other values
in life?

67. Are you scornful of ideas that weren't your own?

68. Do you tell others how bad you have been or are, or do you go to the other
extreme and tell people how great you are or were? (The first communication can be
pride in reserves; the second can be a way to give your ego a false sense of security).

69. Write your feelings for parents, brothers, sisters, and other family members.
a. What resentments or hates do you still have?
b. What still makes you feel guilty about them?

70. Do you pad your expense account or use household money to buy things for
yourself?

71. Do you feel a resentment toward another member of the program?

72. What kinds of things do you lie about the most?

73. Do you still need to play the Big Shot?

74. Do you strive for success in a desperate effort to deny inner needs, to repel the
feelings of emptiness?

75. Are you hurt when people turn away and won't play your games?

76. Do you resent not getting as much attention as you did when you were brand new
in the program?

77. Do you worry about other people's Higher Power not being as good as yours?
a. Or maybe even better?
b. How do you feel about people who claim to be Godly?

78. What is your conception of "God as you understand Him"?

79. Are you comparing yourself with others in spiritual growth?
a. Have you known someone who had a spiritual approach you wish you had?
b. Do you feel superior or inferior spiritually?

80. Do you still feel guilty about masturbation?

81. Do you feel superior because you have more education, money, brains, the "right
color skin", social background, vocation, or any other seeming advantages?
a. List your feelings of superiority.

82. Do you feel inferior because you have less of the above?
a. List your feelings of inferiority.

83. Do you think you are superior to the general run of people?
a. List all the ways in which you are different.

84. Do you think you are inferior to the general run of people?
a. List all the ways in which you are different.

85. Do you have a hard time getting to places on time?

86. Do you resent others who don't seem to have problems finding happiness?

87. Are you aware of any clear adult goals?

88. Do you seek enjoyment or entertainment of one kind or another but are rarely
capable of thorough enjoyment?

89. Do you turn play into work? (i.e. games, sports, hobbies that are not fun or
relaxing).

90. Are you still judging the outside of others by the inside of you?

91. Have you bothered to ask the people who seem happy how they got that way?

92. How much time do you spend with the welfare and happiness of others?
a. Have you learned how to hear other people, to see them, to know them?

93. Do you still envy people who do not appear to be compulsive?

94. Are you hostile because you don't like the hand life has dealt to you?

95. What are your present fears? List them.

96. How do you presently get other people's attention?
a. Pouting?
b. Sulking?
c. Temper tantrums?
d. Being extra good (and letting them know it)?
e. Playing stupid?
f. Frustrating others' activities?
g. b******g?
h. Other ways?

End of Adulthood Section
SOME MORE QUESTIONS - HERE AND NOW

1. In addition to your compulsive behavior, what character defects contribute to your
financial instability?
a. Do you tend to be impulsive about spending money?

2. Did fear and inferiority about fitness for your job destroy your confidence and fill
you with conflict?
a. Did you try to cover up these feelings or inadequacy by bluffing, cheating,
lying, or evading responsibility?
b. Or by griping that others failed to recognize your truly exceptional abilities?

3. Are your standards for yourself unduly high?

4. Did you overvalue yourself and play the "big shot"?
a. Did you have such unprincipled ambition that you double-crossed and
undercut your associates?

5. Are you extravagant?
a. Do you recklessly borrow money, caring little whether it is repaid

Hi day@atime,

thank you for this comprehensive post. It appears to be a helpful exercise to complete.

I would just like to add that if any of the questions cause discomfort write it down as you say, or talk to someone. Call the HL/NL, call the Samaritans. Sitting alone with traumatic memories and thoughts can be very challenging, so make sure to look after yourself and reach out if you need to talk after you completed the form.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Not really been on the forum much lately but came on last night to do the challenge and saw your post. I've just printed it out and give it some thought and will work though it.

Cheers

Hi Dan, it was a shame the chatroom closed as I really wanted to read what you might have said about the six year gap between C*****e and gambling. I'm genuinely interested in your opinion so please feel free to post on my diary if you feel inclined. Best wishes, Phil.

I posted this almost 2 years ago, noticed a lot of posts encouraging people to watch the racing or whom are struggling with Cheltenham.

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day@atime wrote: Thank you Suzanne & Odaat for taking time out of your day to think of me.

I attended another GA meeting last night. 14 people coming together & sharing their fears & experiences in the hope of a brighter future.

The 2 new members from last week returned which is always great to see. An improvement in their mood & demeanour already to be visually seen. Also another new face through the door who gambling has beaten to a pulp. If he returns & continues to attend we will all join together to help put him back together. GA works for those who commit to it. People very rarely relapse who attend weekly.

2 old chestnuts came up last night & subjects that i have noticed being kicked about on here also.
Watching the Grand National
The evil bookie & his evil advertising

My thoughts are. Why on earth would i want to watch a load of ponies running around a field. Ah but its the spectacle, its an event, i want to watch it for the occasion are the explanations i hear. What a load of boll ix. Your a compulsive gambler & your watching something that wouldnt exist if betting wasnt involved in it. Those who choose to watch it, did you pick a horse did you look at its odds? Of course you did. People talk about how gambling has ruined them brought them to the edge. They have lost friends, families, attempted or considered taking their own lives but think its still a good idea to watch an event whose sole purpose is to generate & promote gambling revenue.
Also take a moment to consider your partners & loved ones feelings. There husband/wife has ruined their lives in some part through their gambling, they have destroyed their trust along with their finances & you tell them, im just sitting down to watch the race love. I cant imagine the terror that must make them feel.

The bookie & his advertising.

Do i believe the aggressive advertising of the gaming industry is morally right? No. But hundreds of companies whose ethics could be called into question beam their adverts into our homes. I view them in much the same way i view an advert for a tampon. I dont use what they are selling, its not something i need or want so it washes over me. I live in Cheltenham & apparently there was a big horse racing event going on a few weeks back & the advertising was everywhere & couldnt be avoided. I didnt notice it because it doesnt interest me.
Most of the stories i have read talk about the many years of gambling, 10,20,30 years of it. Well there wasnt any advertising then but we still found our way into it. The on line sites didnt come knocking at your door, you went & sought them out. You wernt complaining about their greed when you were winning or taking their free bets.

For those directing their anger @ these companies i would suggest your looking in the wrong place for peace & serenity. Resolve the anger towards yourself & you will no longer need to find someone else to blame.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Brilliant!
If you see my smile now, you wouldn't believe it!

Ps. Never discard tampons, ya never know when you need to use it to stop the nose bleed :-))))))))))))) (just sayin....never say never 😉 )

KOKO Dan, spk soon

S x

Glad you reposted this Dan but I suspect as is often the case with what people don't want to hear it'll end up ignored 😉

Another point against horse racing is the way the animals are treated both on and off the track. I don't much care for the things as a rule but they don't deserve the life they're bred for.

So dan you're suggesting people have free will? There's me believing everyone had guns to their heads.

I can't say the industry or how it goes about its business is any of my concern. Or do the adverts bother me anymore than the go compare adverts do.

I don't think I ever felt ripped off that's what gambling is you win or lose.

Agree that hanging round your poison isn't a good way to live possibly a case of not wanting to let go

Thanks for popping on to my diary... Three small steps...it is so simple :-).... I will get there, I have to. Best wishes.

I thought i would try & de-bunk some of the common misconceptions that people who have never been or have been to a couple of meetings tend to spread around as a fact about Gamblers Anonymous & its 12 Step Program.

So here goes with 12 things people say to justify not going.

1. It is religous.
Without doubt, the most common arguement for not going. There is no denying the spiritual aspect of a 12 Step Program. But you will find that in almost all proven recovery modules.
GA doesnt require you to believe in anything. Atheists & Agnostics make up the majority of members i see in meetings. Those who do believe in a God come from varying different religous faiths, from Christians, Hindus, Muslims, Buddists, all are welcome & all manage to co-exist quite happily together. If we were religous or more specifically Christian, how would so many differing people of differing denominations be able to find it beneficial?

2. It is a Cult.

Well if it is, its doing something that no other cult in history has done.
No one is making money from it. No one is gaining power or prestige from it.

You may come & go as you please without any consequences. Cults have views that are viewed as dangerous by the rest of society.
12 Step Fellowships have suggestions, which if followed do nothing but promote positivity into communities.
There is no personal agenda. No one wants to take anything from you. They just want to pass something onto you that has worked for a great many addicts.

3. They will try to Brainwash me.

Well when i first arrived, my brain certainly needed a good clean out, it was a mess.

Recovery groups exist to support one another in a common goal. To firstly stop gambling & then on towards a life of purpose, connection & community.

The 12 Step Program is something you can choose to do or not. No one will ban you from meetings if you dont fully embrace it. All we are saying is this is what we know from experience works.
We openly acknowledge there are other methods. But this is ours, & it works if you follow it & work it.

4.It Will Be Full Of Old Men

Possibly true 15 years ago. Not the case anymore. In my time the demographic is certainly getting younger & more mixed gender. At a guess i would say the average GA membership would be around 30 years old.

5. Talking about it will make me want to gamble.

Active bets or talking about war stories involving monies won/lost, is frowned upon & certainly not encouraged. If you goto a meeting where this isnt so, find another.

Most meetings will focus on personal & spiritual growth.
They will talk about how the outside world impacts on our internal landscape & how we go about reacting in a healthy fashion towards it.

6.The Meetings Will Try To Convince Me Im An Addict Even If Im Not.

False.
Its upto you to define if youre addicted or not. No one will force a label on you.

7. Step Meetings Will Be Full Of Convicts & Unsavoury Characters.

The rooms are open to anyone, convicts included! But the meetings certainly arent full of them.
Meetings have people from all walks of life. They are full of people just like you & me. But we all have one common goal. To stop our gambling.

8. Meetings Are For The Weak.

This is actually laughable.
You are talking about a group of people whose lives where totally out of control, who couldnt go a few days without their fix. Now they live a life completely free of gambling, where they contribute in a positive manner to others & their communities.... yet they are weak??

9. Meetings Are Boring

You will laugh like you have never laughed before. You will hear stories that will tug at your heart strings like nothing else. You will develop bonds with people you never knew were possible. Its the greatest show on earth!

Sure some meetings will be boring. If you havnt been to a boring or bad meeting then you probably havnt been to enough meetings yet the old saying goes.

10. Its Just A Bunch Of Folk Moaning About There Lives.

Yes you will hear people express their dissatisfaction with life. But you will also hear the joy & great things that recovery can gift. Troubles are talked about to highlight how applying the 12 Steps to your life may help solve them.

11. Meetings Have A Low Success Rate.

Most comprehensive studies point towards a success rate unequalled anywhere else.
I dont have GA statistics but here are AA ones. You would expect them to be similiar.

31% of members sober for less than one year
24% were sober between 1 - 5 years
12% were sober between 5- 10 years
33% were sober for 10 or more years

Average time of members sober.... a whopping 8 years.

12. Im Not Good In Groups/ I Dont Like Talking In Front Of People

Everyone who has ever walked through the door felt the same before they went. What better way to tackle your social anxiety in a non judgemental environment. In a place where no one is after anything from you & in a place where you all have something in common to talk about.

Why not find out for yourself whether The 12 Step Program or The Fellowship could help you. Attend maybe 6-12 meetings & see how it goes.

There is a quote in The Big Blue Book from Herbert Spencer.

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguements and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance....... That principle is contempt prior to investigation.

So what im saying is dont dismiss GA on hearsay, misconception or your false sense of pride
Find out for yourself.
It might just save your life.

As an ex-member of the 'I do it my way' brigade & a recently self-confessed GA-basher I implore anyone struggling with their recovery to read & accept the above.

Stopping gambling wasn't enough for me...GA has given me a structure where before I had none, a program to turn to when I'm feeling lost & hope.

Thank you Dan for believing in me! I'm not 'there' yet but I'm @ least heading in a safe direction - ODAAT