My life with addiction

8 years today Dan since you last spent even one penny on any form of gambling.

As I wrote yesterday a great big massive high 5 to you, and thank you for showing us all that we can abstain and maintain from gambling as long as we stay close in our recovery journey.

Have a great day and be very very proud, I am proud to be walking along side with you.

Suzanne xxx

Ha morning Blondie, I just realised it was Friday too 🙂

A massive congratulations on these 8 years of abstinence Dan & may the rest of your recovery journey be smooth & fruitful!

I'm eating, sleeping, walking, breathing - ODAAT as I know you will continue to do!

Thank you Suzanne & Odaat for taking time out of your day to think of me.

I attended another GA meeting last night. 14 people coming together & sharing their fears & experiences in the hope of a brighter future.

The 2 new members from last week returned which is always great to see. An improvement in their mood & demeanour already to be visually seen. Also another new face through the door who gambling has beaten to a pulp. If he returns & continues to attend we will all join together to help put him back together. GA works for those who commit to it. People very rarely relapse who attend weekly.

2 old chestnuts came up last night & subjects that i have noticed being kicked about on here also.
Watching the Grand National
The evil bookie & his evil advertising

My thoughts are. Why on earth would i want to watch a load of ponies running around a field. Ah but its the spectacle, its an event, i want to watch it for the occasion are the explanations i hear. What a load of boll ix. Your a compulsive gambler & your watching something that wouldnt exist if betting wasnt involved in it. Those who choose to watch it, did you pick a horse did you look at its odds? Of course you did. People talk about how gambling has ruined them brought them to the edge. They have lost friends, families, attempted or considered taking their own lives but think its still a good idea to watch an event whose sole purpose is to generate & promote gambling revenue.
Also take a moment to consider your partners & loved ones feelings. There husband/wife has ruined their lives in some part through their gambling, they have destroyed their trust along with their finances & you tell them, im just sitting down to watch the race love. I cant imagine the terror that must make them feel.

The bookie & his advertising.

Do i believe the aggressive advertising of the gaming industry is morally right? No. But hundreds of companies whose ethics could be called into question beam their adverts into our homes. I view them in much the same way i view an advert for a tampon. I dont use what they are selling, its not something i need or want so it washes over me. I live in Cheltenham & apparently there was a big horse racing event going on a few weeks back & the advertising was everywhere & couldnt be avoided. I didnt notice it because it doesnt interest me.
Most of the stories i have read talk about the many years of gambling, 10,20,30 years of it. Well there wasnt any advertising then but we still found our way into it. The on line sites didnt come knocking at your door, you went & sought them out. You wernt complaining about their greed when you were winning or taking their free bets.

For those directing their anger @ these companies i would suggest your looking in the wrong place for peace & serenity. Resolve the anger towards yourself & you will no longer need to find someone else to blame.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Hi Dan,

Just popping in to say congrats for the day that's in it....8 years wow!!

It's great to read your take on the grand national. You have retrained your brain so well. Thanks for the effort you put into your diary. It's a place to come when you need to go up to fifth gear on this amazing but tough journey. Be proud of all those days & nights of the past 8 years. Hope life continues to reward you well. Take care, Suzy.

Day@atime

Fella another post full of food for thought.

The bottom line is the opportunity to gamble will always exist, whatever your poison the industry is today 24/7, it really is about the individual wanting to accept recovery over wanting to place that next punt.

We have no doubt seen many devastating cases where the gambler seeks recovery when the horse has bolted, no pun intended.

Well done on your continued abstinence, it truly does prove that long term abstinence is possible.

I hope many folk are suitably inspired.

Because without doubt life without active gambling will improve profoundly for not just the gambler but many other folk connected to them.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi thanks for your comments on my diary I have considered ga but never been, don't think it's for me. If I don't succeed this time then I may well have to try it as I have tried most things. I've took you thoughts on board and will try and change other areas of my life rather than just focusing on my debt and hopefully this will help me, I may set some sort of rewards as well to help me stick to the right path. But I do need to look at my life as a hole. Im determined to succeed but am aware that it's not easy and don't want to just sit back and get complacent. Thanks again and we'll done on your continued success, I have not had time to read through your diary but I will. You lead, I'll follow!

Hi (Dan?) [email protected] reading your posts and 8 years free of the beast...inspirational! An honest appraisal of how gambling affects us all, Thanks!

Thanks Deanyboy & congrats on your progress so far.

GA VERSUS COUNSELLING

There isnt a battle between the two to which is better, they are basically the same. One will advise you to be honest with those around you, to put practical measures in place to stop access to your compulsive behaviour, to find new coping strategies & to examine what in your life you feel is missing & how you go about changing your outlook for the future. The other, well read the above.

I had counselling it was great while i attended, a weekly dose of good advice, someone to bounce my perceptions of life & myself against. When people attend counselling they have the impression that a few weeks or months of this & all problems will be sorted & they can go on their merry way again. Counselling doesnt work like this, its an ongoing process, it will take constant updating & the message you are being given to you through counselling will need reinforcement.

For GA to work read the above.

There is no quick fix when it comes to addiction.
People forget the lessons taught to them through counselling or GA fairly quickly when left alone with just there own thoughts.

People relapse when they stop attending both. They feel great amongst the support they are getting, when they are talking & listening & getting the identification they need. When they move away from what was working relapse within 3-6 months of going it alone if not inevitable is shown to be highly likely. The same story is true of rehab, people using this forum as their medicine or any other method of stopping you care to mention.

People often talk about letting go of the financial losses & moving on. People spend their time trying to get back their perception of themselves or their relationships. Your trying to get something back in both cases that is gone & is never coming back & to try to do so will leave you just feeling angry & frustrated. Anyway what you now romanticise about your past perfect life obviously wasnt so great or you wouldnt have needed gambling to fill the void you felt so why would you want to go back there.

Leave it all behind, the person you thought you were is dead. Personally good riddance as i always hated him. What we all have is the opportunity to do from this day on is strive to be the best we can be. To create lives where we can be happy & fullfilled. It is a very difficult challenge to take on. One which will require constant help. Its out there for everyone. Personal development is a choice available & free for all.

Without change nothing changes & you will get what you have always got & you will feel the way you have always felt.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Dan

In total agreement, this forum is a tonic you can swollow to boost you up whenever you want, but you must want and be prepared to change what you were into what you can be! it takes total commitment and strength, and with advise and support, we can all achieve it!

The only person who ever lied to me about my addiction was me.
The only person whose advice on how to stop my addictive behaviour that was awful & had no basis in the hard facts of it was me.
The only person who thought by trying the same solution again & again would work was me.
The only person who could never be trusted to make the right choice around my addiction was me.

I spent nearly 30 years believing that tomorrow would be different. It never was. Why? Because i was arrogant & conceited around my gambling issues. I thought only i had the answers & that how could anyone else have a better understanding of my life than me. I thought i was special & unique, that no one understood how different my problems were to the rest of the human race.

My self pity, reluctance to believe anything was my fault & unwillingness to try anything that didnt fit in with my view undoubtably fed my addiction.

I remained stuck, unable to progress in life. Clinging onto solutions that had & never would work. Trying to control & put my will onto something that i clearly couldnt manage alone.

I stumbled through the doors of GA with a great deal of reluctance. Not believing for one minute this could be the answer.
But very slowly it begins to work its magic. For the 1st time i was amongst others who had known the same angers fears & resentments that i had lived my life acting upon. They had different solutions to the ones i had always believed would eventually work for me & they were being successful with them. If i could just be open & willing enough to @ least try them perhaps it could work for me too!

Letting go of trying to control my addiction myself was the greatest & most liberating thing imaginable. Of course i had to take personal responsibility to carry out these new solutions but within GA i always found someone who had already walked that new path for me previously & could guide me & offer advice on how best to negotiate it.

The 12 step recovery program offered to all for free is an incredible tool in changing your life around. With the help of a sponsor you will find the answer to everything you need to know about both your addiction & yourself.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Another lovely inspiring post Dan,

Suzanne xxx

like suzanne said xxx

That's how gambling changes your whole personality...it changes your mind, your thought process, your reasoning & only brings the negative side of you out....my wife often used to come in and physically drag me out, I'm 6ft she's 5 foot so had little chance, she used to plead with me, even cry sometimes before I used to cash up & leave...or force her to draw more of my money out of the cash point stratigically placed next door to he bookies...I look back and know that I had loss of control of myself, I would of never of been like that under normal circumstances....she used to say you're such a clever lad, but so weak, you change when you go in them doors! You know what...I used to blame her, how evil is that! Only had myself to blame thinking I knew what I was doing....well I do now.....NO MORE trying to win by luck on anything... I make my money by working hard and using my knowledge, brain and skills....staying and fighting strong to stay away from the temptation of returning to that other side of me that has governed so much of my life...truely inspiring to read your posts and share thoughts....thanks!

Hi, thanks for posting constructive comments on my diary!

I've noticed your contributions elsewhere too - always thought provoking in a highly positive way. I think your definitely right to bring focus to the underlying issues which make people gamble.

Best wishes

Hi I am new on here. Your posts are very positive and some may say a little harsh but there is no sugar coating this horrible addiction. Makes you lie, deceit, poor in pocket and mind. Depression etecetecetec and I am getting a bit old in the tooth to be still having emotional ups and downs due to gambling. So thank you for not sugar coating and I am going to go online and look up nearest GA to me as do think it could be the making of me. And well done to yourself!