My little girl saved my life

Hello Slats,

You got your thoughts down well, this place can be quite cathartic for that.

This is a truly insidious addiction which has gripped you and all on here at various degrees. So realising your/ we're not alone can be fairly comforting.

It shines through in your words what you think of your Mrs and little girl, there in your corner and you'll pull your self out of this mess.

Not any real advice in this post. Just offering support. Read around and learn, try and get a handle with what drives you to escape via gambling. There's the likes of stepchange out there which can help/ advise on finances. There's Gamcare counselling which some find helpful as well as GA.

I wish you well

Slats

I wholly relate to your post, I set in motion the same thoughts three weeks ago and with honesty my actions were only halted by pure chance, because if there had been trains running and not a bus replacement service I wouldn't be writing this post.

I too thought my suicide would be the best gift I could give my family and the truth is I couldn't have been more wrong.

Fella please seek professional help, there's a wealth of it out there.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

To add I am pretty sure that your taking your own life would void any such insurance policy, so it really would be a futile act.

I wish you well and like volcano I offer you my unconditional support, nobody here will judge you, we are all like minded folk who seek a common goal

To live without the destruction the compulsion to gamble brings.

My only advice is when you tell your wife, tell her everything, don't leave anything in the closet that addiction can hold over you.

Wipe the slate clean, throw everything you have at learning to live with addiction arrested.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs.

Hi Slatts

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time but well done for coming on here and telling your story.

My advice is also- tell all to your partner and do so without delay. Don't wait for the 'right moment' - you can't sugar coat what you're gona say and delaying just increases pain on all sides.

Get support. I know it's common for people to say 'everything was great until the addiction took over'. Well, compared to where you are now, things probably were a lot better - but things can't have been 'right' for you to engage your addictive processes. Or maybe more simply, healthy people don't become addicts.

Hopefully you see suicide would most certainly not help your family but would destroy each person you love .

A school friend of mine from a 'good family' - his dad had depression and committed suicide. This completely tore up the family and my friend and his brother became heroin junkies.

You can recover from this if you commit to your personal recovery.

Addiction thrives on secrecy. Be bold, be open.

Louis

Slatts,

Welcome to the forum. Just read your opening post - that has really moved me. Sorry to hear about the pain and heartache you're suffering right now; as you'll see, you are not alone.

Everything that others have said is true: suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It may be hard to see it right now, but your life is worth so much more than this. Your family needs you... perhaps not the exact version of you that exists right now - but one which can and will exist without gambling. It is amazing how quickly the weight of the world can shift from your shoulders when you take steps to initiate recovery. Being part of this forum is a great first step, but my advice would be that you embrace every form of support available to you. Whether it be GA, counselling, debt advice, whatever - there is so much out there if you're willing to seek it out.

Wishing you best of luck. Look after yourself.

D123

Hi Slatts,

It´s good to see you having started a recovery diary. There is a lot of support out there for you!

Kind wishes

Gabriele

First of all just want to say thanks to all of you for your support and advice. It feels strange to tell the story with no judgement and just support.
All the best to all of you and stay strong.

It's day 2 of of my recovery and a very productive one. I have booked myself into counceling for next week, which i am looking forward to getting more advice and ideas on how to beat this addiction and try figure out what my triggers really are.

I have found a place to go to GA meetings, I'm a bit unsure on the whole group thing as I get very bad anxiety when I am in big groups of people and out of my comfort zone. But it's got be worth a shot.

Has anyone one tried the ga meetings and did it help?

My finances and telling the wife, the tricky ones!!

I have a meeting with a mortgage advisor on Friday to see if we can get a better deal on our mortgage and drop the outgoings that way. I have also worked out incoming moneys to outgoings. it is not looking pretty but with a little help from a debt company and If I can battle through for the next 5 years we will be in a solid finacial place.

It's hard to think these gambling binges I have had take such little time to build up the debt but so long to pay off.

So on to the wife my dream girl, all your advice about telling her everything and coming clean is great advice and I know it needs to be done.
I just don't think I'm strong enough yet, there is nothing worse than looking into the eyes of your special one and seeing disappointment staring back at you.
That's the thing that can shatter my heart in a second.

You could say I am bottling it but I think I just need to get my head straight first.

Day 2 and a very possitive one. I feel like I have finally got my fight back after the big scare.
No gambling today.

Hi

re GA - Statistically speaking it has the best ongoing abstention rate of any method. Mr L is the recovering gambler in the house and he still attends weekly three plus years down the line. His view is he's not giving up on anything that works and GA will work if you follow the principles.

As for telling your wife - I've been in her position and I can promise you I would rather have known at any point sooner than the one where I was left to piece together what had gone on while Mr L had gone AWOL. There isn't going to be a good time to tell her and yes, some bruising things are going to be said but the bottom line is she's going to find out anyway. Telling her now puts you in control of how that happens and makes you instantly accountable. It makes it very much harder for you to gamble unobserved and it means she can help you with practical barriers without further deceit as to why they are necessary.

Hello Slatts,

Despite my half hearted attempts in the past with regards to GA, I still whole hearted agree with what Lethe says above and her husbands view. I now attend a weekly abstination based peer support group and found myself 'wanting' to go rather than 'needing'. There seems to be a fairly common theme with addicts and anxiety, and these groups serve a purpose on many levels. No truer words said than ' life begins at the end of our comfort zone ' & ' honesty is the best policy ' Agreed both are not as easy as spoken and requires uncomfort but both well worth it.

Hello lethe

That's fantastic news for Mr L, well done to him. i guess it proves it does work its just getying the courage to go to the first one and see how things go.

As for the wife yes you are deffinately correct, the sooner i own up to what i am doing the less damage i will do in the long run.
Unfortunately I don't seem to understand my addiction or even realise it's there untill I have got rock bottom with no way out.

Hi volcano

Thanks for your input, I'm thinking more and more into the ga meetings or some kind of support group.

And thats two great quotes you have there. Honesty is the best policy was the one that me and my wife always stuck with since we first met. Well untill now, it's time to get that honesty back on track.

Day 4

It's eating away at me not telling my wife. We have all been off work the last few days as we have all picked up a sickness bug, so don't really want to spring it on her when she's ill.

As you have all been saying there is never going to be a good time to tell her, so I think I have to do it today.

I feel like I can't really move on from this if I keep lying to her.
I will have the strength to tell her today.

Day 4 time to come clean and stop lying to my loved ones.

Hi Slatts999

I'm currently on day 34 gf. Reading your opening post was quite emotional if I'm being honest about your daughter. It's crazy how 1 thing however big or small can change your mindset. I've had those thoughts too, not so much the taking yourself away permanently, with me it was more of walking away from my fiancГ©e as she deserves better than this. I didn't tell her about my addiction I was found out, and as you can well imagine, it wasn't nice for her to see I had been lying and deceiving her. She told me why didn't I come to her and tell her, as she could have helped me through it. I felt like I couldn't because of what she might have thought of me, but now I wish I had the courage to tell her, she is away visiting family this week and says it's her chance to try and clear her head about our relationship, wether we can move past it or split. We just bought our first new build house together last year so it's basically make or break week for my future. Mate, I urge you to take the advice of the others on here and tell your wife asap as it will be a lot better coming from you yourself and not her finding out, it'll hurt her more. As I've been told on other forums gambling is an illness, an addiction just like an addict on drugs or alcohol. And your wife will appreciate it more if you open up to her. I wish you luck pal

Nev