My new diary by kyle the CG

Hi simon. Thank you so much for your encouragement. I may well keep writing about it but may well post some more soon. When i started writing it, it was about me undersranding why i got addicted. The fact i didnt win a single race, hated the place, was scared of the people and had such a traumatic time, you would of thought i would never gamble again! And in fact i didnt for a long time. But i still remembered that buzz and excitment and it was imprinted on me. The story contains a lot of morals i guess and it has all my classic downfalls. Changing my mind on bets, not getting a bet on in time, unable to walk away. I also like it cos i think its funny and the characters are very real to me.

The one thing it did teach me was i harly ever bet on a horse again. I progressed to the football then the dogs then machines and finally the dreaded online casinos.

Im so glad you invested the time in reading it. These wonderful comments are inspiring me to use this talent and write a lot more

30 mins to go---- bring it on!!!!!

Hello best buddy, where we only back slap lol

To discuss your writing please mail me [email protected]

Good luck with payday 🙂

Kyle,

An excellent read!

I've often fancied getting my experiences down on paper, but always thought that it would take a panel of 20 Doctors to decipher my inane ramblings!

However, it's wonderful to see someone getting it all down and giving an insight into the workings of OUR brains. Your story could apply to any one of us.

More please Captain!

M

Hi Kyle

Wow just read "Sure Sharp", very moving, powerful, thought provoking and honest.

Blew me away..Was like i was in that bookies with you..As others have said you are a fantastic writer..

You are now as you have said on your "day one"..

I wish you all the best in recovery, you can beat this. I would also say whenever you get really bad urges which you will, start writing, get your thoughts written down..Get them urges out through your writing.

All the best in the days ahead.

I wish you well, will be following your progress..

Keep strong

Guys. I am totally made up at all your comments about my writing. It has helped me so much. The timing has been superb because ..... ITS NOW DAY 1. Money is in the bank and there aint no way im letting you guys down and gambling it.

Im off to bed and be dreaming sweet dreams. In credit.

Cheers everyone of you who posted

Kyle 1 DAY GAMBLE FREE

Great reading Kyle. ...I just knew you would be an asset to these pages 😉 good luck for the day ahead...I'm sure it'll be the 1st of many gamblefree pay days 😉 well done you can do it mate 🙂

Good luck mate

Just read your intro post. It is harrowing, I hope and pray you can win this. I'm in a similar boat, I does help me to realise that I am not the only one who has felt and acted the same way and over and over again over a huge length of time.

Stopping is the hardest because you have to set all you have lost in concrete but there has to be a point where that happens, or we will always be like this. Remember its a long life and we all, god willing, have a long time left. Remember also the good things that DID happen while you were under the influence of the addiction and be grateful for that, rather than focusing on what could have been.

Thats me preaching to myself as much as you!

DS

Hi I can fully relate to roulette addiction and just seeing numbers everywhere even lottery is a trigger for this to me.

What I would say is you need to think of the bigger picture!!

I am a graduate but on a low paid part time job. You are earning 20k a year, a lot of people would kill for that kind of wage, You have as you say 1.5k a month left over in disposable income.... your debt is 12k approx. You should be able to pay that off in about a year easily...

On my wage and with a similar debt I have no option to save up so quickly and pay it off quickly my income is over 50% less....

I agree with that other poster, ditch the i-phone. Who really needs flashy gadgets??? Why not buy a simple pay as you go cheap phone. I know it does not have the same kudos but it should help.

Also think do you really love gambling and what it is doing to you and your family??? Only you can change things. Having the 5k is not going to help if you carry on. You will feel devastated if you lose what your parents have given you and worked hard for in less well paid jobs...

Why not give the money back and ask them to hold it in trust for when you ar ready to pay off your debts. If the chap who you owe 12k odd to does accept 7k surely you can use a month or two spare wages with the 5k and pay off your debt... Just think no more loan worries!!! That is a wonderful gift from your parents and I think it would be wisely used to help YOU.

It is not then wasting the cash it is helping you out - to get yourself back on your feet. Then there is no reason to think you have to gamble to get the money lost back...

I hope you can repost here and let us know how you are getting on. Just sit back and think of the bigger picture. Only you can make the changes...

Tell us when you ditch the i-phone you were gambling insanely on???

Regards Awayout

Hi Kyle, i read your short story yesterday and I have to say it is superb. It really brought back some memories of what bookies were like before e smoking ban came in. The characters are familiar in practically every bookies you go into. At uni we used to call our bookies the 'the star wars bar'! You felt threatened, you retreated to your own corner and you avoided eye contact! There used to be one main character at this bookies. We called him 'Mr f***s'. He used to stand watching the races and make f**t noises with his mouth!! Legend had it that he once won the scoop six. All he had left from this was his leather jacket and his BMW. A sure sign that even if you win big, you lose.

I notice that you didn't write yesterday. Are you alright? It helps to write on here...good or bad. As you know, there are many on here who want to help you to succeed. Nobody ever said this was going to be easy. If you've read any of my diary (which is very dull, compared to your awesome writing) you will know that I bang on and on about barriers. Having an iPhone and money available in your account is just too easy. Most on here would find that very difficult. Create barriers, get rid of the phone, move the money as soon as it hits your account. Don't test yourself....there is no need to at this stage.

Keep posting you are a very welcome addition to these pages.

Russ

Hi Kyle, just read ur posts & i am so glad i have found someone who has got my attention so quickly after only joining a few days ago.

Keep us all posted on ur progress & i look forward to your posts.

Hi Kyle, it doesn't matter what has happened. You have touched many with your postings. If you are going to beat this you need to come back and post. Everybody is in the same boat here. Nobody will judge you. We are all here to get better. Russ

How was payday Kyle ? Even if it was disastrous we've all been there mate. ..Your input on here is of interest to many. ..you can do it mate !!!

Hi everyone. Sorry i have been away and not posted since friday. Well everything was going so well and then i got drunk and caved in. Very sorry to everyone. I think somehow i knew i was going to gamble. Reread my posts and even i can see it in that first introduction post. It was pretty defeatest

Now the positives. I told my parents....... It was so difficult but i just did it. They were so dissapointed in me and so angry. Very soon after though and they were back telling me that everything was going to be ok, that they loved me and would help me beat it.

Im sort of glad i had that slip in a way because i would never had told them otherwise. And they did need to know i guess.

The other positive is i still have money left and I havnt gambled it, So im 2 days gamble free 😉

Im giving my parents control of bank account just to be safe. They will know all about my finances so if i gamble they will know..... And then kill me.

On friday i dont think ive ever been more ashamed. Of course drinking totally weakened my resolve so i may have to stop drinking. Not a massive problem as im not a big drinker anymore. But occasionally go on a binge.

All in all i feel quite positive which is weird. It wasnt a totally disasterous slip but it really could of been. I wont be chasing the loss .... As ive already let it go

I will continue to post on here. I was devastated at my slip but im glad i can be honest here as i did contemplate lying to you all. Which is as good as lying to myself.

The biggest win i will ever have is to learn i can never win.

1 slip. 2 days gamble free

Kyle

It's not how you fall, but how you get up that defines you.

Good move on handing over the finances, it adds that extra safety net, knowing you can't get away with it.

Kind of like dieting and your mum and dad have the key to the choccie cupboard lol

That's your one slip, someone who writes as beautifully as you knows what this addiction is all about and what the ending is if you continue.

No more my friend, back on the horse and CHARGE!

Smokes out xxxx lol

Kyle,

What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger...

Don't worry about it mate, just make sure it's the last time!

Telling my parents was without question the hardest thing for me to do. In fact, I only told my old man and he relayed it onto my Mum as I couldn't face her. However, telling my parents was without question the best thing I did. Whilst the disappointment was instant, so was the support, love and an element of understanding that I really needed. Now I take pride in telling them of my progress and my old man keeps an eye on my finances. Sad at 33, but necessary!

Hopefully your closing in on 3 days gamble free - stay strong and stay happy!

M