My own personal diary

Day 17, 18 - NO GAMBLING

Thank you kindly 101Sports. The hurt is fading but all it takes is a small reminder and its as painful as ever. Its a horrible addiction. It is so very difficult to stop thinking about losses. I've lost tens and tens and tens of thousands of pounds in the last couple of years. Its heartbreaking as i'm a hard working guy. However, i know that if i were to keep gambling in 2014 i'd be a stick on to lose tens and tens and tens of thousands of pounds next year. I just can't allow this to happen again.

I still need to put proper blocks in place. My main problem is when i am out drinking. At the end of the night, when i've had a few, i immediately think Casino.. that always ends up in a loss and the next day, i'm like "well, i've fallen off the wagon, may aswell keep going" and that's when online gambling comes into it and serious devastation. My last online devastation 19 days ago resulted in me losing £5,900 in 4 hours. This was savings. I was like a man possessed. Depositing £1,000 after £1,000 after £1,000 etc. All my savings wiped out in 4 hours. It is going to be so very hard to come back from this recent binge.

I just can't for the next few years have any significant amounts of money readily available to me. Drinking is also a worry as that is usally 99% the problem which leads to falling of the wagon. So i'm cutting back on the drinking but the main thing for me is ensuring that any large amounts of money are either used to pay off debt, mortgage or put into a building society notice account that doesn't have a cash card.

Your thoughts or anyone else's welcome. I know i said back on Day 1 it was a private diary and i didn't want contributions but i was just in terrible pain at the time. I always love reading what JamesP writes on people's diaries and if he reads this i'd welcome his advice, etc. JamesP, i know you lost around £350,000 in your time gambling, well i'm about £300,000 ALL IN that i've lost, i'm 37 and a half now. I take my hat of to you for stopping for 6 years after the devastation you caused yourself. A true remarkable achievement and i take inspiration from your story.

Thanks

2012... (hoping and determined that 2014 IS ACTUALLY MY YEAR)

Day 19 - NO GAMBLING

Day 20 - NO GAMBLING

Cheers for your post 101Sports. Appreciated and some good advice which i'll definitely take on board.

I know what i need to do now. For the next couple of years (at least) i just can't trust myself with anymore than £300 in readily available cash. I honestly can't. If i have for example £7,000 sitting in a cashcard savings account that can be transferred at the click of a button to my current account. That's suicidal now. I can transfer that £7,000 just like that and then the money is all in the current account which can then be used to deposit £1,000 after £1,000 and so on into those online betting sites. DANGEROUS!!! I can't ever have a situation like this again. My plan is to always get rid of any money that i get (pay of the bills, debts, whatever is left over i will transfer into a building society account (with no linked card to the account). Also this building society account is a bit of a pain to get the money out of so that will suit me fine. I can't just instantly move savings out of my account so gamble. I was even thinking about putting every available penny into the mortgage as i'm still SCARED to have any savings in the future. Even if they are in a building society account. I will still be able to get the money out (albeit, it will take me a few days) but that's a worry. I just don't trust myself at the moment. Its an awful thought that i can't trust myself anymore with large amounts of money. How can you go through life like this. All it would take for many of us compulsive gamblers is a bad life crisis... for example. Your wife leaves you (not that i am married).. but i can imagine myself in that situation. If something terrible like that happened and i had £50,000 in a savings account. I'd go into self-destruct mode and before you know it, within a week the £50,000 would be gone. The mad gambling would just be a way of dealing with the crisis. This has happened so many times in my life. I'm so worried as i don't ever want to be in this position but will that mean that i can literally NEVER EVER have savings. What's the point in saving all that cash for 10 years down the line to blow it in an instant due to a crisis?

Sorry i'm waffling on a bit but hopefully you can see where i am coming from.

If it wasn't for gambling i'd be a very rich man after all my hard work. Just very hard to recover from the years of destruction. Any advice is grateful cheers

Welcome to day 21 man. Keep it up. Im drunk and would love to be in a casino right now. But hang on a minute, i wouldnt like the rest of the weekend if i went. Block the gambling funds and do something else instead. What ever you would enjoy doing as an alternative will not be as expensive as going the ****** casino. Write it off as it's not an option. Oh yeah, self exclude if you havent already done it. More power to you.

Thanks Last Chance! Well done for staying away from the ******* casino. Evil places.

Oh this is my Last Chance also. I must have relapsed about 100 times, every time the pain been unbearable. Amazing how quickly we forget the pain and go do the damage all over again. This is what i can't get my head round. Why do i keep going back.. anyway.. fighting on

Day 21 - NO GAMBLING

Day 22 - NO GAMBLING

Day 23 - NO GAMBLING

Day 24 - NO GAMBLING

Day 25 - NO GAMBLING

Excellent going man. Keep it up, no surrender!

Cheers Last Chance, thanks for the support mate!

Day 26, 27 - NO GAMBLING