My own personal diary

3 weeks today for the big ton Craig - you're doing a superb job - how's it feeling now?

Take care and keep going mate!!

Mr B

lack of chat on my diary. a few bad things going on in my life. feeling low and very vulnerable. struggling. anyway. the last thing i can do is gamble which will tip me over the edge. i have to somehow keep strong. i'm a fighter thankfully and i'll fight and fight and fight. my life might be in hard at the moment but i refuse to gamble.

Day 80, 81, 82, 83 - NO f*****G GAMBLING

Hey mate,

You don't sound in the best of places tonight - you ok? Challenge post wasn't your normal self either - what's been happening? Business ok?

Keep going mate - you're one of the beacons in front of me right now - Glasgow to London buddy.

Take care,

Mr B

Hi Julie/ Mr B

Thanks to you both for your kind words, its amazing how other people's posts on your diary do lift you and give that inspiration desperately needed sometimes.

I'm feeling a lot better today.. trying to keep calm and relaxed. Went to the gym yesterday for a big workout. The gym is great for my mental health (i've suffered clinical depression since i was a teenager so a very long time). I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. Aside from that i have good physical health for which i am grateful. I work so hard on myself to keep the depression at bay and this last year hasn't been too bad. I exercise as much as i can, i've really worked hard on my diet (that definitely helps also), I very very rarely touch alcohol, a quiet couple of pints every once in a blue moon. Or a glass of wine with a meal. I don't touch drugs don't smoke, i've studied CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), this was to help with the depression and the gambling addiction)..i'm now also attending weekly meditation classes so i'm giving 100%. I am a lot happier in life as a result of all of the above but with me this is not just a change but it has to be a life change.. keeping away from my one and only demon Gambling is HUGE and a MUST and continuing to exercise and eat right on a regular basis is also HUGE and a MUST. If i can commit to the above then i stand a very strong chance of a great happy life. I've a decent head on my shoulders (when working, haha) so i know i can achieve if i put my mind to it. Every now and again i get an attack (kind of like last week), i don't know how or why as nothing has changed and i've been doing the right stuff. Just comes out of the blue and i have to ride it out. Maybe its my mind or the lurking gambling addiction trying to play tricks with me to feel low, etc and look for a release - ie gambling.. the Mind is beast so i wouldn't be surprised if this was perhaps an underlying reason why i still get these out of the blue attacks. Anyway, i've held strong. I want happiness and calmness in my life now. Besides i've to lead Mr B down to London on our bikes (like Davina McCall haha) so i can't slip otherwise Mr B doesn't have his lead to London 🙂 yep even these small wee things stick in your head and further act as a deterrent to the evil of gambling..

Well, i've got a lot of my chest tonight for a man of few words 🙂

Over and Out for now

Craig

Day 84, 85 - NO GAMBLING

* 15 days till the big 100...

Hey mate - a man of few words, but when they come they're worth listening to.

Just wanted you to know that you're not alone......we've got 2 things in common now.

Not sure about the bikes mate - are stabilizers uncool?

Stay strong brother.

2 weeks tomorrow and we'll be celebrating the ton!

Mr B

Hi Mr B

2 things in common.. and i'm sure a lot more also. I forgot to say, your post the other week about all of us on the challenge meeting up in 2015.. i'd love that.. definitely be up for that. How proud we would all feel.. Lets make it happen..

Yep, 2 weeks tomorrow.. bring it on..

cheers

craig

Hey Craig 🙂

Thank you for your post and look at you my friend!!! Whoop whoop!!! Such a lovely post to read. Your determination and strength shines through. I am mega impressed seeing you keeping ur fitness and healthy eating going. It is great therapy for body and mind!!! Keep it up..

Wow, another little milestone on your g free time, absolutely chuffed for you

Day at a time you are winning each day 🙂

Well done, all the best

S x

Hey Craig,

Looking for you with my torch here :-))

Hope all is good with you, and give us a shout then u can

Have a safe and peaceful weekend

Take care,

Sandra x

Hey Sandra

I'm here safe and well 🙂 Feeling much better today than i was last Friday. Amazing the swing in mood but i'm just glad i got through that bleak few days and held strong and didn't let the gambling demons take control. In the past, 99 times out of 100, when i felt hopeless or very very low, gambling was my escape from reality but we all know where that got me. Now my escape is the gym or going to somewhere like Caffe Nero and having a nice coffee, pulling out a magazine or book and just chilling 🙂

Happy to report NO GAMBLING

Cheers

Craig

Day 86, 87, 88, 89, 90 - NO GAMBLING

Hey mate - just checking in - 2 things.........how has this week been? Tough week last week, hoping that this one has been better.

The second thing.........just looking at your forum post........despite never meeting, I would hope you'd call me a friend already. Face to face will just solidify the friendship further. Really looking forward to next January!

Take care C - if Glasgow to London is 2014 then we must be around about Beattock just now!! Crossing the border at the end of March!!

Catch up soon,

Mr B

Hey Mr B

This week has been really good. Although i've just moved to a new flat so i don't get Sky Broadband installed in it till this coming Thursday so i'm having to go to internet cafes to check emails, use internet, etc so my access online has been limited. However, come Thursday all will be back to normal.

I feel good again (thankfully), life although tough sometimes has been overall pretty good this last 3 months.. coincidently since i stopped Gambling.. hmm, what does that tell me..

I just need to find myself a good lady now 🙂 i feel ready to settle down.. been single for a long long time mainly due to the gambling and my head been all over the place a lot of the time. So hopefully she's round the corner somewhere haha.. maybe i'll meet her at some point on our journey down to London 🙂

Ah thanks mate, yes, indeed, you are a friend and one or two others on here. I really hope one day we can all meet in person that would be brilliant. However, we've all got a lot of hard work ahead of us before that happens. But its a good incentive to keep on the right road.

8 more days for me till i hit 100. Looking back at where i was 92 days ago. After a devastating 12 hour period of gambling.. i'm not sure how i managed to pick myself up and fight on. Even thinking about that day 92 days ago fills me with that awful feeling in the stomach. I can't ever forget how bad it felt. I will not get complacent.. NO WAY. I'm choosing life 🙂 the gym, going for nice coffees and relaxing with a magazine/ book, exciting trips to the cinema, nice meals in nice restaurants, HOLIDAYS (been a long time since the last one).. self care, looking after myself, showering on a DAILY basis, haha, yeah i've been so low through gambling and depression that i've went over a week without washing.. truly shocking but i can't change the past.. i can't predict the future but i'm learning to be mindful and be happy in the present and enjoy the ride.

Right i'm off to post on a few friends diaries and give them some encouragement from myself 🙂

Cheers

Craig

Day 91, 92, 93, 94 - NO GAMBLING