My recovery diary

Hey Cannotwin, How u doing ???

I see you've had a few close calls lately, but like you said - you didn't play online which is excellent!!! I doubt you would have maintained the same level of control if you delved into these quarters as there is no online limit and therefore the chasing mode can just go on and on.

You are making good progress hun, I know the point of your diary is to still be able to gamble in a responsible way and you appear to be achieving this... just ensure you recognise the signs - If you start to lose control come here, regain strength and never give up giving up xxxx

Speak soon

Chan xx

Hi. Haven't seen you post for a while. How are you doing?

Back from holiday for a week and I don't think hubby has gambled. That makes it three weeks.

Hope all is well with you. f

Hello all,

Sorry haven't posted for a while. Fell off the wagon I'm afraid. Not with online stuff, but unfortunately have spent upwards of £300 yesterday on an AWP. 86% - my backside.

Struggling, swimming in treacle again, but still clean from the online stuff. Guess thats a positive.

Heads gone.

Keep trying everyone. N xxxxxxxxxx

Hi N

Just keep going. At least your trying, and being honest with yourself. Thanks for replying to my posts, it really helps. Feeling very confused right now. Have looked at homes to rent on a website. Not something I want to do, but can't face the rest of my life being like this.

Everything is yo-yoing between good and awful.

f.

Hello all,

Not posted in a long time, but feeling a little weak today. This forum is a comfort and a crutch, and I do read it often, even though I don't contribute as much as I used to.

The good thing is, come a fortnight Tuesday, I will be one year, one whole year free of problem gambling. I never thought it was possible.

The message is, if I can, you can. Keep trying and never ever give in.

All the best, never give up giving up.

N xxxxx

Well I made it to the milestone. Not feeling smug, not feeling anything really, just peaceful. Am I still tempted, sometimes you betcha, but have I got the will to continue resisting? Absolutely.

I think without the creation of this diary I would not have the strength to have "achieved" (and I use the word lightly) what I have. My relationship is in a far better place, I have savings for the first time in years, and I owe it to GamCare and the fantastic people on this site. I will still keep visiting, and I know that the battle is won and the war is far from over, but I can boot up the computer at home sometimes and not even think about a gambling site now; a year ago that was unthinkable I would be in that position.

I am so grateful to all who supported me, you will never ever know how much it meant.

Please never give up giving up.

Now I'm going to look to see if I can offer the help I was offered, because I owe it...

N xxxxx

We will always be tempted especially if we have spent most of our lifetime gambling.

But equally, the longer that we stay gamble-free the stronger our will is to stay well away from that hell-hole world.

Thanks for coming back and letting us all know what life is like so far down the line. You seem to be in a very good place right now...

...and long may this continue!

All the very best,

GT

Hi GT,

Thank you for your post, and all your previous ones on my diary.

You are spot on about it being a "hell-hole". Evenings used to consist of coming home and firing up the computer as soon as possible to gamble to a faceless, greedy, evil entity pretending to be your friend. I refer to my online addiction as playing with a "smiling viper".

The weird thing is I do still go to land based bingo, I do still play the occasional AWP, but they do not hold the perils that the smiling viper had. They are things I can do with my wife, not solitarily, and they are not harming my relationship. I talk to my wife regularly to ensure she is happy with my very diluted gambling activity and she is. I found a solution that is working for me, and I know that some people would say that total abstinence is the only way to beat an addiction, but I disagree. This is not a "one size fits all" approach.

Anyway, thanks again, really appreciate it. Keep going.....

N

Hey Cannotwin, I'm glad to see that you are still doing so so well, what a great achievement it is to be over a year free of the online demons.

Unfortunately, I have slipped again and i'm feeling pretty low at the moment, but i've put the blocks in place and gonna start yet again - I guess I got complacent after reaching over 6 months abstinence.

I suppose we all have to be continously on our guard and it scares me to think that this is a battle I will have to fight for the rest of my life. But... I have re-read my diary and how well I felt the longer I abstained and it has inspired me to strive to reach that mindset again.

Keep up the good work cannotwin, must be a great feeling when you reach that year milestone ... I'll get there one day xx

Love Chan

Hope things are still going well for you, keep us posted!

NT

Well after nearly two years of being free of online destructive gambling, am almost back at the start.

To explain, I thought that diluting gambling was the correct thing to do, however, at a land based bingo hall won a sizeable amount of money. Which I have now lost.

I still am clean from destructive online gambling but casino based gaming took my four figure win in a day.

So low again, knowing I can't be free.

This site needs more money. The new funding numbers released by the ConDem party means this will close.

Anyway. Square one, start again.

Never give up giving up.

N xxxx

Well, more than three years after my last update, I should give an idea of the latest....

Firstly, with the exception of one online bingo slip, I remain clean. In the time I've been to many parts of the world, which would not have been possible without this wonderful forum and the amazing advice it gives.

I have often thought about slipping; and I still know I am not cured. My wife and I have overcome recurring miscarriage, which as any CG knows is normally a trigger.

So this is now 4.5 years. It can be done, stay true, stay steady and stay strong....

If you read this Chan, I owe you....superstar....

Make your own luck.....xxxx

Neil