My story. My cry for help

Cheers guys

I can add extra shops, think I’ve already got 3 pages of a4 full of them. Lol. And surprisingly don’t really go to casinos any more. Haven’t been more than once in 3/5 years.

I do show my Mrs the accounts just wish she’d check up on me a bit more. But then again, when she’s done that in the past, I only get defensive (although mainly because I have gambled).

I was really struggling first thing, for now the urge has passed and I feel as strong as ever. It’s just them moments when the compulsion comes on so strong that you can really be swayed and if something isint going your way, I can see myself being sucked in.

I don’t know if you can be banned from cashino or admiral slots. That’s what I need to next look into.

I will keep going.Hour by hour and day by day

I know exactly how you feel, one hour you can feel weak, like you're going to give in. The next hour you feel on top of it all, looking forward to the future, the journey. Keep on doing what you're doing. Tomorrow will be 1 week for you. Very well done, just keep it up.

Day 8

Scared to leave the house. Mrs has my bank card. But knowing ways round it could always gointo the bank so that doesn’t stop me. Also some money laying around the house which I could use. All the things going through my head right now. I can’t wait for these feelings to subside. It’s so stupid to think about gambling like this. On my head I can only see the positives right now of going and winning some money. The consequences don’t seem that bad. Can be covered up. Aarrgghh. I’m hating this and life at the minute. Want to just get past this point. And already be at day 100+

Blown it. Not loads. Not that it matters. But long road ahead. Start again tomor

Thought to myself f**k it. I’ve lost. I’ll carry on. Same old story. Now proper f****d. Sweating. Panicking. All the usual stuff. Total idiot. Why do I do it. Something wrong with me. Why can’t someone just take this away from me.

Dude I’ve read a hat your journey has been so far and I can help. I made this account just because after reading I really feel for you and want to offer you what’s worked for me. I’m 23 years and was a gambler from 18 years old but haven’t stepped foot in a bookies or done anything online at all in 2019 and I feel zero urge to do so. To put this in perspective, in 2018 I must have gambled nearly everyday on horses, dogs and football both online and in the bookies and spent my wages on that every single month right through to the end of the year. So this has very much been an instant and to be honest extremely painless change for me in 2019 - and trust me I know where you are right now. I must have tried to quit literally 1000 times in 2018. Based on the fact that I said I was going to stop everyday, multiple times a day for the whole year and no amount of money lost or thinking about the destruction I was causing was changing anything. These are the 2 things which have finally saved me:

1. I started reading the Bible this year and make a habit of reading one verse every day. Whether you believe in God or not having some kind of spiritual component in your life which is alive and active will radically change who you are as a person. Even if you’re not religious for instance look for things which will change your perspective on life. For me this was building my relationship with God but even just having a meditation routine everyday for instance will make a HUGE impact on how you feel about yourself and the world around you. You’ll basically end up feeling a lot more at peace and a lot more gratitude. Dude you have a woman who loves you and kids who whether you realise it or not look up to you. Do you even know how d**n cool and amazing that is??? Do these things whether it’s through religion or some kind of meditation practice or both to change how you see things. At the moment it’s so hard for you to stop because you’re seeing everything through this addicted persons eyes that you’re looking through right now. But change your perspective on life and you won’t have to use willpower anymore because you’re just a whole different person and you’ll find yourself without the urges, at peace and making better decisions.

2. MAKE RADICAL CHANGES TO YOUR ENVIRONMENT. You need to do this bro. Start a new job, move areas even if you can, make new friends, and build new habits - getting into a gym routine is something I’ve done which has been good for me. Normally gambling is an indication that you don’t have solid routines in your life and you need to be putting in place structures and standards for yourself which make you shudder at the thought of gambling. You find the urge to gamble is more intesnse on days when you don’t have a lot on for instance - but if you were meeting with friends or going to the gym or working on a side business and had all your energy on those positive things, gambling would soon become a thing of the past. So change your environment and make those positive changes in your life. I hope you know what I’m trying to say anyway. Basically just get more disciplined with other parts of your life, say yes to as many new things and new people as possible and add new good routines in. Get the hell out of this stupid rut you’re in this isn’t who you are you’re so much better than this.

Hope this helped man like I said I made this account just to post this for you so I’m completely sure that if you become obsessed with these 2 things (I.e. make them priority in your life right now starting today this minute and not just some nice ideas on a forum) you’ll get your life back.

Mskinner1985 wrote:

Thought to myself f**k it. I’ve lost. I’ll carry on. Same old story. Now proper f****d. Sweating. Panicking. All the usual stuff. Total idiot. Why do I do it. Something wrong with me. Why can’t someone just take this away from me.

Mskinner1985 wrote:

Thought to myself f**k it. I’ve lost. I’ll carry on. Same old story. Now proper f****d. Sweating. Panicking. All the usual stuff. Total idiot. Why do I do it. Something wrong with me. Why can’t someone just take this away from me.

Sorry to hear you’ve slipped.did you gamble online or in the bookies/casino?

So here we are again.

Been missing for a couple of weeks depressed and in anguish. Pretty low ebb right now. Don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can’t snap out of my mood and gambling has well and truly got hold of me at the minute. Anything and everything. Hoping for that one big win, trying to cure boredom, who knows. Just a sad stupid man.

But here goes. Let’s try again. As much for my own sanity as for my family. I’m going crazy and thoughts are getting worse in my head. I’m trapped in this cycle at the minute.

Just please give me the strength to get and stay clean. Even for an hour then a day and so on.

Please help me to stop this stupid addiction.

Don’t know what I’m going on about now other than rambling.

Hello Mike,

Well done for returning to the forum, and for your honesty in sharing the difficulties of your challenge.

You might be aware of GamCare's free appointment services if you'd like a weekly session to support your recovery, many of our forum members have said that a weekly 1-2-1 appointment can help by providing emotional support and motivational support, increasing insight and focus. Sometimes talking about a recent relapse can highlight triggers or other factors you might want to change or find other ways to manage. If you'd like to find out more about free face-to-face sessions, or telephone sessions, or online sessions, please call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or netline if you'd like an adviser to give you details for local options.

Take care,

Forum admin.

Hey Mike and well done on coming back for a second go and for being so honest :)) .

Giving up gambling is scary mate and thinking about actually giving up for life is even worse ,that's why you need to take thing's in small baby steps one day at a time , as one day without gambling doesn't seem quite so bad .

Those day's all add up into weeks and months and each day you'll become stronger to carry on the fight , until the prospect of not gambling just doesn't seem such a big issue :)) ..

It's been nearly 4 yrs since my last bet but can remember well my first day's and the way your feeling was just like I did back then , that's the beauty of this place because as Compulsive Gamblers we all understand how each of our minds work .

As for the rambling welll ? ........ One of my oldest friends on here who started out about the same time would always say

" It's better to Ramble than Gamble "

So ramble away my friend as long as it keeps you away from another bet It's all good :)) .

Talk to you soon Mike .

Alan