Hey, i am 22 years old. I started gambling when i was 12, so 10 years on and off gambling. I dont tell you how i could bet on such young age and where but there it all started. I never took any loans but many times i was looking for them and it was close but i stayed strong. Everything started with harmless gambling and just gambling for fun. When i got older and i got more money on my hands it all went wrong. I gambled all day and night. Many times i won and then played it back and lost everything + my own money. Every time i said to my self this was last time i do this i dont want to feel this anymore. But like you can guess i didnt do that. I found my self everytime back in casino. ( i played online casinos) now i tell you about this year, it has been the worst for me. I managed to win a lot one night. I was feeling so good. I lost moneys value on that night. My bets rised higher and higher. Then i was down i was thinking i want to get back and lost more. I didnt feel good at all altough it was all money from wins and i should have walked away but i did rage bet all on roulette and lost. Now i was on 0. I had 0 hour of sleep that night and i was keeping to think why i dist it i would have needed that money so bad. On that time i didnt have job and my bank account was so empty and would have changed everything. you can guess that i didnt feel so good :/ worst day on long time. I stopped gambling for a while i took it as lesson but after some weeks or 1 month i found my self on roulette again. I won and taught that now i keep this and stop. Next day i lost it all. Couple days after that i won more l and lost it all in next hours i felt so bad my heart was beating and i didnt know what should i do. This same thing kept going a while wins and losses. Then i sold my car i was fearing that i will gamble that money away. Good news i didnt lose it but i found my self on gambling again. Won some lost some and i couldnt stop, i did rage bet on red and won then i stopped. I was happy to not lose it all i know what would have happened if i have lost that i would have been chasing these losses until i dont have anything. Couple days later i won and next day i lost then i gambled next day more and went back up I stopped, i dont know how but i did it. I said to my self im up still and need to stop to win atleast one time the casino. That system is to give you wins to keep you playing. I dont play for wins, yeah it feels good but i noticed that i play for that tension on gambling and the feel of do i win or lose. I know its never enough. Doesnt matter how much i win i will go back. But this time feels different. I got to keep the money i won and i have good savings. I have blocked all paying options and casinos. I hope this is it. I know i cant place a bet anymore on my life. I will be addict my whole life till i die. I know my sums isnt that big compared to some people and i dont have dept but i have been playing more than i can afford. My bet sizes have been 100-5k on single bet. I dont even bet under that. I havent told any of my family members or friends of this. I am too a shamed of this addiction to tell them. I am hard of my head all my near people nows that and they would never expect any of this. I know i should tell them but i think i look how this goes and if i mess up i will tell them. Now i am going gamble free and lets see how it goes. I have good start because i didnt lose my money this time but i tell you it wasnt easy to stop and it was so close to end up like other times. I feel good of that i stopped. Now i have money for my future and this is good way to start my recovery. What is most thing i regret on my 10years gambling addiction isnt lost money. Its the mood swings on loses and winnings and how it effects to my family. Thats what i regret. My days have been just on how gamble goes. If i win i am happy, if i lose i am depressed and dont want to talk anybody. If anybody sees this post feel free to comment on my story and tell if you have anything like my experience. I still love gambling i havent got that good feeling from anything else but same time the worst feelings. I am out and i keep my word.
Some update how my recovery is going. Still havent gambled and everything going good rn. I have been thinking about gambling and i have been thinking to do small deposit but then i have came back here and remembered how the things really are. I have problem and i cant gamble. So far its been easy but same time hard.
Hi Juzz02,
I'm pleased to hear you have been doing well and maintaining being gf. Keep going and remember this is a great place to share your progress. We're here without judgement.
Take care,
Nicole
Forum Admin
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