My story of gambling addiction

Some update how my recovery is going. Still havent gambled and everything going good rn. I have been thinking about gambling and i have been thinking to do small deposit but then i have came back here and remembered how the things really are. I have problem and i cant gamble. So far its been easy but same time hard.

Hi Juzz02,

I'm pleased to hear you have been doing well and maintaining being gf. Keep going and remember this is a great place to share your progress. We're here without judgement.

Take care,
Nicole
Forum Admin

Update on my recovery. Everything was good for 4 days. Until this morning i woke up and went right to the computer. I wasn´t meaning to gamble but i found my self on online casino, after that my first bet was in on roulette. I relapsed. I managed to win some money and then came back down little bit but still on profit. I was sitting there for 4 hours and did bet after bet. some crazy bets too it all just got away of my hands. When im thinking about this its so crazy to give it all to one of 2 colors on roulette and you ether win or lose. Like i said on overall i didn´t lose anything but still i am so sad and tired. I got feeling that i was something like zombie sitting there and not hearing or seeing anything else than the roulette. My eyes was red and i was looking so tired. I am not even happy of the wins. I am just so tired of my self and how i managed to get it to this point and relapsed. I was feeling good on those 4days and now i need to start it all again. Like i said on my first post that i keep my word, i didn´t. I was thinking if i even do this post or not, but if i wouldn´t, i would just lie to my self not you. My dad is ex gambling addict and i have been worry of his gambling and i have taken care of its not happening again. He has been so good on his gamble free journey. He don´t even know that i gamble. I can´t believe it that i take care of his gamble free life and do mine like this. I know what is right and what is not. Still i do this. I have been thinking today that do i really need to lose it all to be able to stop gambling? Why can´t i just stop now on when i haven´t lose anything yet. I don´t even wanna know how many times i have lost everything. I don´t want to feel that no more. I really need my money and savings but still i am not that sure about my self anymore. I betrayed my self. I am gonna post now everyday here and tell you how it really goes. I hope for my best.

Hey. Sounds like you’ve done really well despite the slight relapse this morning, just wondering how did you manage that when you mentioned you had placed a block on all casinos etc… I myself have been a gambling addict, won a lot of money last year and lost it all, won back, lost again then into my own monthly wage leaving myself with hardly anything to spare. If I read your post correctly you say you have some winnings left? RUN and never ever ever ever look back before you leave yourself with absolutley nothing and start digging into loans that’s when life gets really really bad and you don’t actually know how it will be until your there, in that position, with no money and in shed loads of debt, fight your addiction. I wish I was in your position where I had any winnings left over but I don’t, I’ve had to start again, I currently have about £600 in my bank account but i’m now even grateful for just that after some positions i’ve been in, I’ve been through the absolute highs & lows of gambling crying myself to sleep as i’ve bet thousands of my winnings. Crying to my Dad that i’d spent my whole months wage nearly in a day, as addicting as gambling is and as great as it can feel I’ll never ever put myself in them lows again. Gambling still crosses my mind every single day that’s why I’m here now, I still check out the casinos every day to check results and think “s**t I could of just won on that” but that’s as far as I’ll go, I’ll close the app and distract myself with something else, wether that be a walk, spend time with family, play a video game, watch youtube anything.. Just do not put yourself in a position where you got nothing left because I promise you, you’re heading right in that direction by starting again this morning. Also learn to give yourself some self love and respect, praise yourself every minute for not gambling, look at yourself in a 3rd person perspective if any of your family/friends etc knew you were doing this and felt like this they would really be upset, just like you did for your dad. Stay strong apppeciate your savings and money and stop now otherwise you will regret it for a long long long time, get better blocks on your accounts because you somehow managed to get back on it. Speak to your bank get them to put all blocks nesscary on before you lose every penny you have. All the best

@nathefc6 thank you for your message you really made my day, i needed to hear all that. I am currently working to make the blocks better i found way to gamble but its now under control. Waiting for them to activate my block. Then after that i have abslotuley no chance to make deposit. Like you said i am on good position. I need to remember that because like you said. That all can change in really small time. I will take care of my self now and appriciate my position and life. I have good start and i dont need to start all over again this time. I have been there too many times when i have lost everything but i need to take care of that it wont happen again. I made promise to my self if i find my self doing even one more bet i will tell my dad about this imidiately. I really want to change and i dont like it when i gamble, the money on bank isnt safe you know what i mean. One day you could have so good money and next day nothing. Its so uncertain. Thanks again and hope your week goes good and i hope all the best for you. I will keep updating everyday!

Update: i got the last money transfer block active now. So now i really do not have any options available to deposit. Made me feel lighter because i know i dont have chance to make deposit. I really hope this is the time i make the difference and change. I’ll update tomorrow.

Well done you for putting the block on mate. I’m glad I could help even in the slightest, I wouldn’t want anyone to feel like I did and I know there are people in much worse positions than both myself and you in crippling amounts of debts. Don’t let temptation get the better of you at all, don’t even be tempted at all if you can (it’s very hard I still even get tempted now but it soon goes away if you just remind yourself of how bad it can get etc) just try  let it go now, it will get so much easier over time, for me first few days were hard, once the days turn into weeks you soon realise you think about it less and less. When ever you do get any temptations, speak to your dad, speak to someone on here, wether that be the live chat or on the forum. I am really proud of you for putting the block on, you should be proud of yourself too. Enjoy your money, don’t just throw it all away and be left with nothing. Keep reminding yourself of how bad things can get. Keep up the good work mate and remember you’re not alone through gambling addiction and there are people far worse off than you, keep your head held high be happy and enjoy life, you’re only here once don’t spend it being unhappy. Be happy, love yourself, your family friends and look after your money. How about with your winnings offering to take your dad out for a meal and open up to him about your gambling problem, I really think you two having the same problem could really help you both talk to each other about it and help each other. Take care mate and stay strong. Do not turn off that block it will be the worst mistake of your life, I don’t know you from adam but I care about you and do not want you to feel like I have. 

@nathefc6 thanks again there was wise words mate. I am actually going next weekend to small trip with my dad. Actually i bought the trip almost week ago but still pretty good thing and nice for us both. I really think about talking about my problem to my dad. That could be good for both of us. When i found out my dad addiction he was so ashamed but i handled it pretty good. I was on his side and didnt get angry i showed love and good perspective and care. I think he would do the same for me. I update you if and when i have talked to him. That vacation with my dad is gonna do good for me. I am happy for this now. I am happy for trying again and trying better. I have hope for my self and i even feel good rn. I dont really feel to gamble rn, i just have so many different thougts about my addiction and how things have went and how things could be, i need to be happy that i stopped before it was too late. Now just gotta stay on it. Thanks again! 

Update: First day gamble free after relapse. I am feeling strong about this, i dont really have right now any temptation to gamble, but like last time, i think the first day is easiest and after that it becomes more difficult. I am not really feeling any happines rn, i feel tired and calm. Everything is going to be better just need time and go one day at a time. Still i am happy for not continuing to gamble. I really need the change. So overall i am doing fine.

Well done getting back on the saddle after your relapse. It's easy after a relapse to think "screw it" and go big. You didn't do that which shows your inner consciousness is fighting back. Well done 👏 

Keep the blocks in place. Sign up to Gamban, Moses and all the other schemes. Consider finding a local GA meeting to keep it real. 

Treat every day as if it's day 1. Keep focused and stay mentally strong against the desire to gamble.  If the desire is strong reach out to someone, or write in here, resist through distraction. 

I'm only 65 days in on my journey and I feel your pain but keeping it alive in your mind will keep you away from the gambling. 

@dazza85 thank you for reaching out, all of these messages gives me power. Its nice to have people to talk to. I actually have gamban now and there is nice that it counts the days and saved hours/money. Gives some perspective. We are all gonna win this addiction! I hope for your best.

How you getting on today mate? 

@nathefc6 i am doing good, i really do not have ny temptation to gamble rn. Yeah it has crossed my mind couple of times today but nothing serious. So it has been pretty easy day and i am happily waiting tomorrow and seeing how it goes im pretty sure of my self now and i think tomorrow is going to go well too. I have been little bit down of my mind today but i think its the things i have been solving on my mind and that i dont get dopamine that much now because i stopped gambling. When you gamble atleast for me i feel like i get so big dopamine rush on that time. But today i did nice 15km jogging session and made some food and watched my favourite serie. So overall pretty good day besides the mood hasnt been so good yet. I just need to go one day at the time and give my all to my recovery. But how you doing? I hope everything is okay for you too.

update: Day 2 gamble free, i have still the same feelings, i dont have feelings to gamble rn, but i am upset, sad, and angry all the time. I am not my own self. It makes me to question all this but i know its just these couple of first days. i am waiting for that happines to come back. Everything is pretty easy expect my sadness. I am trying to do things that makes me happy and keep my self productive. So on overall everything is good.