Hello people,
I am Fred,32 years old.....just lost 700 euro ...not my money unfortunatelly at roulette,my problems are sports bets and roulette.....will stop gambling today, i gamble for 12 years now.....have to for my family and for myself..have to get a job and start making something out of me....i will write here my fears and urges...thanks for existing! As i am from Bulgaria please excuse my possilble misspelling or if i am not very clear in what i say....10x
Proud to say 1 day gambling free...a life ahead to go-))....thought of how i played roulette 3 times yeasterday and dreamed of playing last night...
Thank you emily for your kind words...
I shall do this....life is beautiful
Second day gambling free...quite a scarry night as i dreamed only roulette and sports betting...but i am sure it will pass....i blocked the sports channels on tv and i hope i will have the strength tomorrow to selfexclude from the casino i used to play...have to succed!
It is hard to admit about myslef the hard truth but i shall write it down for the next urge ....i hope that then i will read this and it will make me think twice:
- i gamble for 12 years almost daily especially roulette and sports bets;
-i lost in all this time about 70000euro;
-due to this habbit of mine i lied and i stoled( from my own family and loved ones lieing i needed money for other reasons);
-i neglected my job as i found it is easier to "win" money then to work them;
-i somehow succeded during all this time to hide the gambling problem from everyone...the only one who knows is a theraphyst i started seeing 6 months ago;
-i know i can be more than this...i have to....i have a wife,a baby,parents which i love....i have to stop this untill it is to late.
What means too late? i started like everyone i guess with small amounts of money...and step by step i began to play bigger sums...i would say to myself i would never lie to get money to gamble and i did,i would never steal to gamble and i did,what next i am afraid to ask....and i do not want to know the answer.....everything comes to an end and hope this is the end for my gamble.
Like everyone i guess i failed quitting so many times i do not remeber....this time it has to be different i write this to the man who in front of a casino or a bookie days,months or years later shall read it and think IT DOES NOT WORTH IT!!!
Life is hard and tricky....we all have our problems,when i play i feel strong and in control,i feel like i could defeat any problem no matter how big or great it is....i feel happy when i play,after all don"t we all seek happiness and we feel we deserve it? But you know it is just a big fat lie....the truth is hard to handle...the lie tastes sweeter....but the lie is full of poison a poison which eventually will devour us and become ourselves a big fat lie,an empty person, a poison for everyone and everything who stands in front of our urges and fears... i do not want to get there so here i applaud my second day of freedom!!!
A song in which i found myself Alexander-truth.....love you all!
Preparing to go to sleep....hope in a more peaceful night as last 2 i dreamed only that i was gambling...tomorrow i have to selfexclude from the casino i played....last few hours dealing with a betting urge as i imagine betting on champions league qualifiers....i will beat this!
Day 3...all clear except i did not make time to talk to the casino manager to selfexclude...fear or time?-)))....will do it tomorrow.
I feell good and proud of my new started path...f**k urges f**k gambling i will beat this!
Hi Fred.
4 days today, well done.
Keep strong and keep going.
Suzanne xx
talked to the manager of the casino to selfexclude starting today.....this afternoon i have a meeting with my therapist hope we find the best strategy to deal with urges....
10x Suzanne for your support,be strong on your path....
Hello day 5....read on a fb group of gambling support recovery that 4 of their members took their own lives....never thought of that and hope never will...but this shows what a terrible effect gambling has....we all have to stay comited to our recovery....
Good morning Fred, what a gorgeous little Baby...A physical reminder of why you need to always stay focused on your recovery!
Well done for you journey so far & welcome to day 5 🙂
Hello Fred
You are doing great,keep going gf it is the only way to true happiness and contentment.
Best wishes.
Johnbgood
Well done Fred on 5 days,
Stay strong and positive and keep moving forwards.
Suzanne xx
.....d**n it i am passing right now through an urge....i have a debt of 700euro ...i am "sure" about some champions league qualifiers to bet on them.....have to be strong....start focusing on telling the alphabet backwards 2 times _)))...and reading this journal....hope it will pass.....
10x everyone for your support....
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