NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

I feel like I am a much more conniving, disgusting human being than anyone on here who has taken time to support me.

I wish I could just disappear... However I hope to God if I stay strong things will get easier and my self-esteem will slowly return.

Signalman.
Tell her today.It will be really really tough and with you having a young cbild i am sure she will be destraught and as my wife told me terrified of what you will do next but once the shock and hurt subsides she can move forward with you but unfortunately its going to take a long time.
No matter how awful it will be better for you all as she can obviously see your not yourself ans myst be wondering whats goi g on.
We are all here for you if it gets that you cannot cope once its out in the open.
Thinking of you all.

Thanks Lost. Thank you. If it comes out today I will be in pieces and will need people. If it had come out yesterday I would've felt a bit better I know I would have. She deserves better and so does my son.

I am worried if I can't bring myself to tell her I will stop posting on here as I will be too ashamed to tell you all... Then I'm truly on my own again.

Hi signalman everyone here has been where you are. Not telling, keeping secrets, leaves the door open, carry on in secret. If you don't feel right in your head get to your gp. I'm not saying that the only way forward is to tell your wife but addiction feeds on secrets and lies. Lying is control, you lying to her controls her, she will not leave if I don't tell. I've been married to a compulsive gambler for nearly 20 years, I've heard all the lies, seen the depressive behaviour, lived in debt. I learnt a long time ago that I would never stop him. I safeguarded myself, took control of money, I paid all the bills with his money. Don't take your wife's money for the mortgage, that is a bailout. She needs the money. Your debt is your responsibility if you can't pay it speak to stepchange. You both need support. Call gamcare, find a GA meeting. This is a tough addiction to beat and you need to get real life help. No excuses, this damages your mental health, will ruin your marriage and bankrupt you. You will feel so much better when you start being honest.

Have you spoken to a gamcare advisor.Ring them again even if you have. A voice to talk to can be easier than texting .
Get help from the free councellor they offer and obviously use Gam block and hand over your finances.
Dont stop communicating whatever you do

I second all the above comments, read them and let the words sink in, we are here to help you.

Like I've said before if you really don't feel you can tell her to her face an option is to write it all down and give it to her, that way emotions won't stop you from saying what you need. Then give her time to absorb it.

Please do this today and put blocks in place you can't move forward without doing this.

Keep writing.

Dx

Support on here alway's should be and in my case is unconditional , were all addicts or family and friends of addicts and any knowledge , wisdom or call it what you will is passed on with the hope that you begin to get well again sooner rather than later .

I'm not here to preach to you but have enough time under my belt and many hours spent here to know the way a Gamblers mind works and as I and many others on these pages will testify , some things work and other don't . Weve all covered our tracks enough to become expert's at the art of illusion but as the saying goes " You can't kid a kidder " .

As I said the other day your heads in a mess and your running over different scenarios in your mind trying to find a solution that will be the least difficult " The Path of least resistance " and why wouldn't you ? , It's what life as a Compulsive gambler's all about " Sod everyone else as long as I can find funds to gamble and get my fix " , I know I did the same for many years , even when I wanted to stop I alway's left doors open so I could go back to it at any time and if I stopped for a week or two then I thought "I was cured" , " I had it all under control " and I did until I started again but because I'd had a break that meant I had a few more quid at my disposal and as I'd been a good boy I had every right to blow the lot again and more beside but that wasn't a problem because I could stop anytime I wanted right ? and so the cycle went on .

Someone on one of your post's mentioned " Accepting that gambling had you beat and that you were powerless to control it " and that's Spot on , acceptance is the key to this whole thing , the whole I won't gamble for the rest of my life is a scary thought to be dealing with and I myself thought I would just fall over without my crutch of gambling or without my mistress to run into the arms of if you like but dealing initially with I wont gamble today or this week is a far easier prospect to accept and that's what you have to do for now.

I'm not giving up on you nor losing faith but you need have a little faith in your own abilities my friend , youv'e given up gambling and you probably can't remember like myself how many gambles youv'e had in your life ? but youv'e still one final gamble to make and that's being open with your wife , just like betting there's no guarantee but it could also bring you riches beyond your wildest dreams and I'm not talking about money .

All the best for now :))

I'm going to to tell her everything after we put our son to bed. My wife is going to take they day off work tomorrow and then I am going to spend the day handing all finances over to her and out every single block I can think of in place. You all have helped me realise that I am in control... Not the addiction. Without you all I'd be in a ditch somewhere right now. I need to tell her everything and she will help me ensure that yes at 35 I ****** up and almost ruined everything - but when we reach 50,55,60 the addiction will be a long way behind us in the past and just painful memories (I do acknowledge it will be still there though so will be fighting for the rest of my life)

Too many names to mention in one go but you know who you are on here. You are very special people. When I am back on it I will help people as much as you've helped me.

Good to hear hun, it's definitely the right way to go, don't let this thing keep you from the rest of your life.

Keep in touch and we can help you as much as we can 🙂

Dx

Hey guys

Its all done. Everything out in the open. Yesterday I felt a huge high from doing so. Knowing I'm not alone in this now. We are going to spend the day addressing the blocks and also looking at support links for me. Maybe contact Stepchange or Payplan too.

I slept well for the first time in days. However this morning I feel really low... Depressed, shaky, nervous. Feel like urges could come back if I feel like i got nothing left to lose. I told my wife how I feel today. She's going to keep an eye on me. I really hope over time we can pay off this huge mistake I've made.

Thanks again to everyone who encouraged me to do the right thing.

However for some reason my head is not right today. Is this normal after disclosure. Everything just seems so real today... Real and scary. I need to do this for my wife and son though don't I.

I really don't want to relapse. Need those blocks in place asap.

I'm just going to think moment to moment... One day at a time for now.

Hi find a GA meeting . Get support and advice from others who have been where you are.

Morning :). Firstly well done my friend on doing what needed to be done , I know from experience that’s not an easy conversation to have but a necessary one . It sounds like your in one sense quite euphoric that you’ve come clean and that a big weight has been lifted but that in the same moment your aware that your wife now knows what’s happened and you probably are wondering what she’s thinking of you ? All natural feelings and ones that will ease with time . You don’t have to be Einstein to work out what needs to be done next , sorting finances and handing financial control over to keep your family safe , blocks in place to make it impossible to gamble and help for you and your wife in whichever way you choose. I’m sorry this is a short msg but I’m just at work and will try and catchup later but just to let you know we’re all rooting for you and I’m really proud as should you be that you’ve done the right thing :)) all the best 🙂