NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

You know what in the last 5 minutes I had a fantasy about winning the money back. What a **** I am.

Anyway day 5 down. Hope everyone had good days out there :o)

Hi Buddy glad to hear your post's sounding a little more positive and having some plan's in place :))

Regarding support for your wife ? then I'd say just " Be there " whenever she want's to discuss anything with you, be open, honest and transparent and as Donna said " It's a huge shock ", I'd go one step further and say the "a r*e just fell out of her world ,indeed many wife's of Cg's on here have in the past likened it to their other half's having an affair ? which I can see quite easily as gambling is our lover , the person we run to when life gets us down and the one we think of and fantisise about throughout our day ?.

Lightheartedly and if you really wanted her to see how much you care , you could alway's put your manhood in a vice and let her hold the handle but that probably wouldn't go down well with you :)) .

Seriously just be proactive , follow through with all the promises youv'e made , councilling , therapy ( for both if needed ) GA , financial control and make all your blocks watertight ie no leaving a door open for just incase moment's !! , you can " Never gamble again " because like me " You cannot control it " but you still do it "One day at a time " .

Your last gamble has paid off :)) and the rest of your life with your wife and son is the ultimate prize , the one you'd thought you'd lost , seize the opportunity just as I have with both hands and enjoy life with all it has to offer my friend :))

Talk to you soon :))

I had similar feelings and thoughts at first it's normal but you cannot give in now, stay strong! Good to hear your wife is taking steps to get help!

Dx

hi signalman,

just thought I'd pop by your diary to see how you're getting on. well done for days racked up. we all have those thoughts of winning big and wiping away all the debt and pain. it's like you say a fantasy and nothing more. if you won big would it stop you or make you think you could win bigger??? I know what it would make me think.

the support for your wife in my experience with my better half has been a combination of a few things. honesty about money, phoning people (step change, counsellor, gp etc) and also show her the forum. my other half didnt understand very well about how the addiction gets a hold of people until she read some recovery diaries and success stories. people are very open and insightful on here.

anytime you need anything just drop in on my diary and I'd be happy to listen/offer what I can.

keep going!
A

Thank you all guys.

I showed her my diary and she has tried to read what she can but I think she is still in shock with this all as it's day 1 for her so the words are not going in so well...

I thought a few times again about winning it all back and putting this to bed but then I read a thread from someone who lost it all and is now a year in and this was a sobering story which sent all those silly thoughts away again...

1) he had won what he lost and then some - then continued to try and get richer and richer until all gone. Someone on his thread mentioned we are addicted to the "feeling" of gambling and not the monetary gain - so I guess if I won everything back by chance no doubt I'd just keep going forever right? Only stopping when luck runs out and all gone + whatever I could beg for, steal and borrow. Luck never just goes one way does it - luck is the flip of a coin really. Whatever your betting on that's all your betting on really... win or lose. Both will come out eventually - problem is when lose comes out too often it's all over - you don't lose just money - family, marriage, house, self-esteem, livelihood, existence can all go with it. When you win you win just money - that's it. Conclusion - with any bet you have far more to lose than win every time.

2) Thank GOD the blocks went in today. Thanks to everyone who kicked me up the **** to get them in.

I just found it scary that there is no limit to a gambler's ambition when they go for it. We want to win it all - maybe not in one sitting but over and over again. And it's all there to lose - we stake it all.

My money is pretty much all gone now. The next thing I'll be staking if I do this again is my wife, 1 year old son, my house and probably my mental state.

The scarier thing is that regardless of the above - the devil is lurking about - I can sense their presence. From the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed I'll be looking over my shoulder - probably forever.

Glad I took time to look at some other diaries today.

Trust me S if you let it all go those feeling's won't last forever as it eases with time , I remember my first few minutes, hour's and day's fighting urges and convincing myself that after a few weeks I'd be cured and would be back in control but that's the way a Gamblers mind works . Those first few day's turned into week's then the milestone of a month , 3 months six months and something I could not have imagined while in the cycle of addiction my first year but all the time taking each day as it came and dealing with what my feeling's were on any given day , coming on here chatting amongst likeminded folk some of whom had far more time gamble free than I did and from whom you take what you need to get through the day and learn from their knowledge .

3 yrs on and those dark day's seem far in the past but I'll never forget how close I came to losing it all and how the good folk of this forum kept me sane and alive .

Luck play's no part in Gambling take it from me , it's all about Odds and percentages that are alway's against you and in favour of the gambling establishment's and the longer you and I play the more the bookies have you , add that to the fact that were compulsive in our addiction and you have the perfect recipie for our own demise " We cannot win because we cannot stop " is the mantra we live by .

What scares us most is the " Letting go " of gambling , " Oh my god how will I survive without it in my life " ? , I once said to someone on here that it's a little like when your a kid and learning to swim , even after all the lessons or your dad teaching you , your so frightened of letting go of the edge of the pool until you finally do and realise that you don't need to hold on anymore and that actually if you kick your legs and keep your head up you can swim and you won't go under after all ? .

Time to get your head up and start kicking those leg's buddy :))

Stay well and keep talking :))

Hi signalman.

Well done on telling your wife. It means you’ve taken your first step on the long road to recovery. Always remember this day as you’re finally heading in the right direction now, so always take one step at a time and never turn back.

I think it’s the same for most of us once our addiction is revealed, the first feeling we feel is relief. Relief that its out in the open, relief that its over, relief that our loved ones are supportive, all of which enable us to have a first decent nights sleep we’ve had in ages. Its the day after or week after, the realisation starts to kick in of just what we’ve done and we see the effect of the pain we’ve caused to our loved ones that hurts us the most.

You’re doing right by getting all the blocks in place and hand your finances over to your wife.

Take it one day but keep going and stay strong.

Ry.

Thank you guys.

Woke up feeling scared. Scared about the future. Doing it again. Losing control.

Also my son was crying last night and I couldn't bring myself to go comfort him. Left it to my wife. Usually I would've been there in a flash. I still can't bring myself to face him. Worried about this too.

Gambling is a deadly, debilitating disease. What have I done...

Ok deep breath. Will face today head on. I will conquer day 6 for now. Thanks guys. Stay well.

Keep reminding me you've been 3 years GF A9. It inspires me to attack each day full on and with the best of intentions.

Being GF is all I care about right now.

Hi signalman I'm glad you're getting blocks in place and handing finances to your wife. The holiday will hopefully give your brain a rest. My husband has nightmares still. He's been a compulsive gambler for 30 years, he's just done 470 days. The help for your wife will be at a gamanon meeting if there is one near you, there may be one at the GA meeting you're going to. I've had counselling too, gamcare offer it free. She will have to call them. There is also an online gamanon meeting Sunday night 8-9. From my own personal view gamanon is the best place, you both recover together. She will get support from others who are living with compulsive gamblers. It has definitely saved my sanity and my marriage. If your wife seeks help she will be better prepared. She will start looking after her mental health too. Don't underestimate the affect that this has on those around you.

its a 2 weeks tomorrow since i relapsed and had a stupid session on line.All about escaping a lot of unhappiness in our family life due to lots of issues that made a perfect storm.I go for months without gambling then rather than face into problems when they occur i blot it all out with a drink then lose my senses.
Gambling has only cone into my life the last 3 years and ive now woken up to the fact i need to fill my time with positive actions and as a result have joined lots of clubs sport etc to change my mind set.
2 weeks now with no alcohol or gambling.I feel positive about my ability to stay this way but am afraid that my wife and son are beyond caring now .My son has nit spoke to me since last week and my wife is obviously still very angry and hurt so the atmosphere is not great.She still does not want me to be writing on the forum and will not phone herself as she says she doesnt need to have a stranger tell her hows she is feeling.
Deep down i think our relationship and my depression a couple of years ago was a factor in all this.
Keep goung Signalman.As a group we will help each other become the people we really are and win our familes love back

Hi Signalman,

Been reading through your diary and just wanted to say well done on your progress so far. Keep it up pal.

I have only recently stopped myself (I added an introductory thread telling my story). Telling my partner was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, given the situation I was in.

GAMSTOP has helped me massively. That said even after several days I still get horrible urges and still have butterflies in my stomach. It isn't easy, but as everyone says stay in the moment, one day at a time and it will get easier.

All the best.

Morning S , you’ve gon a bit quiet buddy so just checking your ok ?