NEED PEOPLE... I just need people like you to be there for me right now

I remember gambling all my money away one of many times. 

This particular time it was money saved for an engagement ring for my wife. I took a third job (on top of my other two) and scrabbled around to pull some money together for another ring - I gave myself 6 months...

After 6 months because I kept gambling I had saved up a paltry amount of money. I bought the cheapest ring I could find on the internet which looked somewhat similar to the one I had originally had in mind. It was a end of line find reduced from £500 to £200.

It looks cheap to be honest... Anyway I proposed to my wife and she said yes. I was so embarrassed she'd find out one day about the reduction so after a while I purposely left my computer screen open on the page where the ring was advertised, I left it open in such a way that the original price could be seen but not the reduced price. She came across it when walking past and I blushed and said I was just reminiscing on good times and mistakenly left the page open on the ring.

It was no mistake, it was a calculated move on my part. I was hoping she would tell her friends it cost the original price when they inevitably natter during their coffee mornings. 

This is what gambling can do to you.

This is how manipulative it can make you become.

In the throws of addiction I thought my actions were justified, but they were not. I should have recognised what type of person gambling was making me become over time, as it ground me down and drained morality from me.

In all honesty my wife loves the ring and isn't price-conscious when it comes to things like that... 

But the point is the what was supposed to be a romantic milestone in our lives ended up being a debacle, thanks to me and my addiction.

Hi,

Curve ball, odd ball that's what i am, bit of a joke really. Memory ain't what it used to be. I need a break from fantastic achievement anniversaries & celebrations. Gonna back off for a while, maybe letting it all hang out & washing dirty linen in public isn't such a good idea. Maybe there'll come a time when i'll want to come back in the meantime i'll take Just For Today mindset & carry on. Man of a thousand diaries couldn't even figure out the basics of how to start one. A stark reminder of how i'm so out of touch with today's world.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

Hey Al,

Yes I think I understand your reasons for taking a break...

For me, Gamcare's acts as a tool by which I can insert my sickness and it is converted into wellness (to a certain degree) - however at times I feel I have reached a point in my recovery where the roles seem to reverse, lately I've also been thinking this could be one of those times.

If anything, this in itself could be and should be an inspiration to others (struggling and new to this) that things can get better, you can be well again... Life is constantly changing - as is the role of Gamcare in my life along with that.

Take care all x

Don't ruin your summers with a punt.

And potentially your Christmases... Know what I mean?!

Take things one day at a time and look after yourselves x

A week since you last posted normally we can’t shut you up. Mean that in a nice way hope your ok pal 

I can only imagine that something happened for you not to post no more. I just hope you are ok pal

A bit like Smartie2 & Boro, I'm thinking about you as well.

Hope you are ok mate.

And happy anniversary if today marks your 1 year since a bet !

Hey Signalman 

I too have been away for a while and can only imagine you are taking a break. You are very well liked and respected and we all hope you are well. My guess is that you are perhaps fighting the darkness but I am sure you are not gambling. Come and say hello when you are ready. Congratulations on your imminent 12 months. I am catching you up day by day.

Hi Signalman,

Just popping by to say hello and hope you are doing well.

You are not forgotten !

Stay strong

Stay strong pal. Hope you are ok. 

Hi Signalman,

Hope you are OK and still not gambling.

Take care.

Hi signalman 

you started your journey at the same time as I started one of my failed attempts, I’m really hoping your well and keep checking back on here to see if you have posted. I’ll keep checking hopefully your just having a break and not gambling.

Hi

Thanks for the well wishes and support during this break period. I have been reading the board most days and following journeys for inspiration - just not had the same inclination to update my story or chuck my two pennies worth into the other people's stories when the compulsion arises, I guess that's a sign of a good recovery so far... I have rather enjoyed existing on the peripheries of Gamcare and will continue to do so for the time being methinks...

Haven't had a punt since I disappeared - don't worry... Like ALN pointed out - at some point you just have to move on and embrace that shift, I guess that's what's happened to me. I see the new heads offering such wisdom and support to each other and it's a joy to see the alliances form just like they did for me when I joined gamcare last year (big salute to my crew KS2, slowlearner, ALN (you will always be ALN to me mate) Rob, A9 (special mention, anyone who has had the privilege of this man gracing their shores is very lucky) and most gracious thanks to all those who have helped me in some way on my journey so far...

I'm still up to my ears in debt but chipping away at it... Living modestly, still no mastery in that area but all the hard work I put into recognising addiction for what it is (it's various heads) has helped no end...

Who knows what will happen from here... All I know is that I need to STAY CONNECTED TO THIS NEW PERSPECTIVE.

For those new or struggling on here, don't be satisfied with just staying off a bet, FIND THAT PERSPECTIVE.

And yes, it requires a lot of work and soul searching, most good things in life require this dedication so get with the times and get on with it... You have all the resources you need available to you 24/7, use them.

nb - Christmas coming, don't go and f**k that up with a gambling escapade, the turkey will taste sweeter if you keep your side of the street clean. I spent many a Christmas at the table in body but not mind, my brain was marmite due to a heavy loss or bad run leading up to the day, and my phone would be constantly unlocked and clicked whilst at the table in the hope that zamalek had scored 2 or more against Al ahly SC in the Christmas day bonanza (Egyptian league)

What a life :o( never again. My son gets my undivided attention this year, and a decent present to boot. Set your targets for the end of year and go for them, you deserve happiness... Yeah you gambled your brains out but you're not rotten, your someone with a brain disorder that's trying to do good and make right again, if anything you deserve a hug and some respect and credit.

Take care all x

Can I also just say joydivider I think you're a legend :o) its amazing work you do on here matey ?✌️

#dont hate the player, hate the game (literally) ?

Dear @signalman,

Congratulations on 401 days gamble free. Your journey so far has been a real inspiration for many. It is clear from your diary, if one reads it from beginning to end, how hard you've worked on your recovery, and I'm so pleased to hear that it has all been worth it.

Keep using the Forum whatever way it helps you the most. 

Wishing you all the very best.

Forum Admin.