Been on here on and off for a few years now and have had long spells when i have not gambled, usually after a big loss well here i am back again and guess what after another big loss chasing money i had saved for a family holiday..........really in a bad place right now and dont feel as if i can tell anyone what i have done, have put myself in a bad position money wise and will have to get a loan to replace the holiday spending money , really need this to be the last time i do this to myself and feel unlike prevous times i never want to gamble again. Have excluded from all sites and am going to get a new debit card and scratch off the number on the back.... starting to think i maybe cant do this my myself but really dont feel as if i cant tell my partner at the minute ..... the help and encouragment from people on here has helped me in the past and i am hoping that again this can help me in my recovery
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Little to no sleep last night worring about the mess i have got myself into again, why oh why do i keep doing this to myself starting to think i cant do this by myself anymore but really not ready yet to tell my partner yet, thought in the past i could control my gambling but now know that it is controlling me and a really need this time to be the last before it is too late. Would appricate ant help/advice cause for the first time i am finally admitting to myself i have a problem, have stopped in the past because i had to this time its because i want to........ Day 1
So took the plunge and told my partner that i have been gambling again..... she has took it pretty well and i have handed over my debit card so even if i want to i cant gamble online ... have not got myself into debt this time and bills have been paid but have no spare cash with a family holiday coming up so will prob have to take out a loan to cover that.... pretty down at the minute but feel i want to quit this time not that i have to glad i have told someone as bottling it up inside is driving me nuts 🙁
Well done you have more gut than I do. Your gambling seems similar to mine as in I'm not in debt but I noticed I done it and that got me down feeling sick and stupid everythime cos every time I had a good win id blow it trying to get more so as you've read I multi self blocked last time apart from one shop but prob is that one shop I still had no control so enough is enough I self exluded all. Now I'm relieved but now there will be times I wish I never when footy starts but I'm sticking. With it. Good luck
Went out shopping today and found myself people watching, i was looking at people and thinking "do they gamble", "have they got any debt".....strange what goes through your head when its all over the place. Do feel this time is different in that i feel that i want to stop not that i have to stop, the money i have lost makes me feel angry and sick and i must try and use this as motavation to never do it again.
Yes it is weird what goes on our heads keep strong
Well coming to the end of day 1 and i am absolutly shattered cause i didnt sleep last night cause of all the over thinking i have been doing since my big relapse yesterday, have been over a year gamble free in the past so know i can do it again......finally admitting to myself i have a serious problem where in the past i was kidding myself that i was in control....need to do it this time not just for me but also for my family.
Keep going with it I'm on day 4 still going strong
So day 2 begins......... Absolutly no thoughts of gambling at the minute infact the thought of it right now makes me feel sick (hope that feeling lasts forever).Still cant believe i have put our family holiday ,which i have been saving for a long time for at risk with my actions.Have quit in the past but have always relapsed after thinking i had it beat and letting my guard down.I find it really hard to let go of money i have lost and feel this may be holding me back.
Whatever you done I hope u havint chased your losses I've done that lost money for other things and it hurts inside
Hi Christer1, thanks for the support......unfortunely every time i have had a big loss in the past has been because of chasing , would lose £50 and then spend £100s if not £1000s trying to win it back.... crazy when you think about it.
So coming to the end of day 2..........Have been reading lots of dairys on here and have taken comfort in the many sucess storys i have found and seen how stopping gambling can change peoples lives for the better... i want to be one of those people.These past 2 days have felt like 2 weeks and i have been trying to keep busy ,walking,cleaning house, reading, sleeping anything to take my mind from thinking of trying to win back some money.Not looking forward to seeing my bank account tomorrow when my latest binge will be there to see in black & white......Tomorrow is a new day and i have to try to keep looking forward and not back
Welcome back to the diaries Chartom , wishing you well in your recovery . It can be relatively straightforward or it can be extremely difficult , it all depends on where your minds at .
Having blocks in place and self exclusions . Someone else looking after the finances . It all helps .
Accepting we are compulsive gamblers has got to be a priority . Having a genuine desire to stop gambling is helpful . Accepting all our losses are gone forever , sounds obvious but this can take some getting our heads around .
I'd all but given up on giving up , just couldn't​ do it . I'd relapsed so many times it had become the norm .
80 days ago I joined GamCare and never looked back . The friendly advice and support really clicked with me . Still get occasional urges but now I can cope with them . Starting to enjoy my life again and feel more confident . Have some bad guilt trips but whats done is done and I cant change it . Living one day at a time . I know every day I can choose to gamble or not to gamble . However it is my choice and my choice alone ,......stephen
P s. Also having one to one counselling through GamCare and started attending GA meetings again . It all helps to make me stronger .
Beginning of day 3 .......Do feel a little better in myself this morning, slept better last night and reading peoples storys on here have been a great comfort to me.....sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is still there and going nowhere fast, but guess thats part of the price i have to pay for my actions.... really need to let go of money lost which like in the past i find hard to do. Just for today i will not gamble, taking it one day at a time
Made it through day 3 .....still finding it hard to let go of money i have lost but am trying to stay positive and keep looking forward, need to keep on the right track not just for me but for my partner & children who dont deserve to suffer because of my actions.Have to keep just taking it a day at a time and hopefully see the gf days mount up.
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