Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout,

I totally relate to your dilemmas I was exactly the same.. a similar level of debt and on a low income. Your know what your choices are... and you know what my opinion is. Bankruptcy will clear your debts, take the pressure off and give you the oppurtunity for a fresh start!

Your not going to win the lottery or get some sort of mega super streak on a machine... its just not gonna happen. But as i say, I have been in your shoes and I know how difficult it can feel to take decisive action. The danger is that you maybe here in 2 years time saying much the same stuff about your debts. I know that deep down you don't want gambling in your life. Onwards and upwards.. S.A

Once again SA your posts are level headed

I just feel I need to get my overdrafts paid off about 5k and then I can start my life again.

Actually I am already starting my life. The thing about bankruptcy is I am concerned that the receivers will look unkindly on the debt being from gambling which they normally give much more unfavourable terms fo ie much longer before the term is removed.

Staying away from the stupid scratchcards at the mo. Can see myself buying a few lotto tickets but nothing else.

I am really trying to budget hard til next pay day as I have made things hard from myself from the arcade gambling relapse.

I dont want to put myself through that again

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

Your life is here and now in the moment. make the best of it day by day. For as long as you continue to feel that you cannot "start my life" until x amount of debt is paid off.. then that will keep you in a perpetual state of unhappiness

With bankruptcy.. the official receiver is guided by rules and regulations and procedures. They cannot bring in any personal prejudice into what they do. I would suggest that it is your own feelings of shame and guilt that are the limiting factors to taking decisive action with your debts. I think you have said this yourself at points in the past.

Am not trying to sell bankruptcy to you as such.. but just talking from my experince as someone who went through very similar. I was very open about the fact that it was all gambling related.. I was discharged after 8 months and I think most people are automtically discharged after 1 year anyway.

It cant do any harm to get yourself armed with the facts abd dispel some of the myths around bankruptcy or similar like options. Check in particular what the current state of the law is with regard gambling debts.. if its legal then say it as it is. What the official rceiver would have problems with is dishonesty.

Chin up onwards and forwards.. S.A

Hi Awayout,i'm very pleased that reading my post this morning helped you :),i have been in your current situation countless times,and have used our last available cash to gamble and try to win to ease the pressure,as we both know it doesn't work.

I also see that you are considering Bankruptcy.....i present my bankruptcy petition on the 3rd of August,like you i was worried about it because my situation is due to my addiction,maybe this will aid your thinking......if you go bankrupt due to gambling your discarge WILL still happen after 12 months,however because your gambling means you are culpible through "rash" behaviour the official receiver MAY put what's called a BRO on your case (Bankruptcy Restriction Order),all this means is that you will be breaking the order if you try to obtain credit again during that restriction period,nothing to worry about,your still debt free and discharged after 12 months.Hope that helps.

Seano.

Hi Awayout..

... there you go.. some useful up to date advice from Seano on the bankruptcy thing. Take action with your debts.. it may just help with your recovery. Take care and keep safe.. S.A

Hi I am in the same cycle of gambling. I am gambling less but large amount of money say once a month I cannot afford

Lost £250 today on slots in arcade. I always was a bookies gambler and I don't want this to be switched to an arcade gambler.

I am making a big ask of myself but have decided it is enough - really. I don't even want to touch scratchcards or lottery anymore. I am just on the the same cycle of make a bit of money back by hardwork and then lose it all to gambling.

Rock bottom has been and gone I just want to end all the gambling no pleasure was provided by playing slots it just felt like 'doing something'

Awayout

Just to say after yesterdays relapse in the arcade had to cope with the usual emotional pain after. I did not enjoy the 'nagging' from mum going on about what and if and why... all the old wounds reopened about money lost/taken/wasted.

I think although I love her she does not realise that the extra emotional pain from the 'nagging' (yes I know she means well) just is part of the cycle as I have heard the same thing so many times before and go through the same patterns:

Gambling> Feeling Guilty> Thinking I need to make things up even more> more gambling (believing the win will still come and solve things) > more emotional turmoil and financial instability.... > more gambling

This is just a cycle of destruction I need to get off the wagon...

I wrote something useful in someone elses diary : thoughts on the way home waiting for a bus yesterday after last replase :

'I may as well throw my notes down the drain and myself and self esteem as gamble and that it what I am going to try and think about each time it passes my mind.'

Gambling gives me too much pain emotionally and financially these days. People often say you may as well throw your money down the drain and this definitely applies to gambling...

I am going to hold that image in my mind each time I get tempted. I am going for total abstinence tough I know. Maybe I am just making it tough in my own head. All I have to say is no more, enough is enough.

I know also though I have to be aware that the pull towards gambling might cross my mind >>> Will need to think of money down the drain scenario,. Really I think what sums this up is if I do not gamble I cannot lose. (If I cannot win I cannot lose)

Have a good gamble free day

Awayout

Awayout

Thanks for the words on my diary - it does really help. I, like you, have gambled - stopped - gambled again - stopped - etc, etc, etc.

Stumper has a great phrase - "I cannot win because I cannot stop". That is true for us all - irrespective of how much we win, we will continue to gamble until we have lost the lot. That is why we will never be able to gamble - there is no "responsible" button fitted to any of us!

You're now, like me, starting your recovery again - so, lets keep an eye on each other's diary and just do one day at a time. Our first target will be to get through the weekend - traditionally a gambling hotspot for me. Then, once we get to Monday (and we will) we will set our next target. Hope you're up for this.

All the best

Hatch

Ok up for it.

Awayout

Hi Awayout,

I remember a few years ago I ran out of money completely due to my gambling. My mum said come and stay with me for a few days (she paid for my train ticket) and start to sort yourself out. How did i re-pay her kindness??.. well I got horribly drunk when she went out and wrote reams and reams of angry words, in short blaming her for my gambling. When she read what i'd written she was very angry.. of course she was. For not only was I ruining my own life through my gambling I was blaming her for it. I was absolving myself of responsibility. Thankfully I have gone through a big shift in thinking since then.

My gambling is my responsibility and the consequences of my gambling are my responsibility to bare and nobody elses.

To me it seems like you have had enough of the consequnces of your gambling. I think you are an addicted gambling fullstop.. not a "bookies gambler" or an "arcade gambler" or an "internet gambler" your a compulsive gambler with preferences for particular gambling styles just like i am. Take away your preferred gambling style and you will find something else

Do what you have to do to stop yourself gambling. It can get worse that what you describe it did for me. Be good to yourself by not gambling. All the best.. S.A

I have got lapse in keeping up to date with my diary.

I had no entries in August. Your words are exactly right SA. Gambling and its consequences are my own responsibility.

I also agree I am a gambler full stop and will go through the same stages of being a binge compuslive gambler on any form of gambling.

It is only the 9 August. Yesterday I did the same old thing had some cash and blew it. i knew what I was doing and at one stage was 'up' but as with all addicts enough was never enough and it all went to Mr Booky.

Now the rest of the month will be a slight struggle because of my actions. With gambling I may as well hand over my wallet each time I try and find a casino/bookies I am not already self excluded from. That is simply the case. Any money I have will always find the way to the company as I can never stop if I start until all the money is gone. Hard earnt money may I add.

I want to change. When will I say enough is enough???

Awayout

Hi awayout,

Just dropping in to say hi.. your right about the "simply handing over the wallet".. cos thats what it amounts to. Somebody once said to me (tongue in cheek) that gambling places should have a "drop box" so that busy compulsive gamblers can just drop their money, cards, cash and valuables in passing without having to go inside for 6 hours. Maybe they should also have a drive in so that Tv's and games consoles and Dv players and phones and ipads etc etc can be dropped off. Saves going to the Pawn shop.

take care my friend. I think youve had enough. have a good day.. S.A

Thanks SA your joke about the dropping off valuables hit a chord. It also gave me a laugh at what is pretty much a low point at the moment.

I have let myself and family down again by gambling. I have not told my mum about the recent episode and I am riding this out to pay day. I am about 400 quid short til pay day which means I will also be shorter next month and I will face charges.

I keep thinking I will get 'lucky' on the odd scratchcard or lotto to sort my woes out but it never happens.

I am a compuslive gambler and enough is never enough if I start gambling.

Added to this fact is that we have had another management change where I work he it not from the same company and is one of those types of managers who don't want to lift a finger where there is loads to do. He is roughly the same age (couple years younger) and seems to know less about running the place than me!

This has made me think it is time for a change. Anyway I work in retail in one of those places everyone needs to muck in. so the situtation is quite stressful at the moment...

I may have turned to gambling as I am unhappy at work if I am honest in low paid dead-end role...

Need to stay focused. If I am careful I can get rid of the debt again. Gambling has already made my life hard enough with the loan and overdraft payments I do not need to make things worse with more debts.

It is also affecting my mother who deserves better financially and emotinoally.

Here is to Thursday without gambling habit.

Awayout

I have come to realise from recent stupid relapses I am still a CG my main addiction roulette online and FOBTs. I also have other addictions such as lotto type products.

The only way I can improve my life is to put gambling on hold although I know I am always going to be a problem gambler.

In that horrible positino of getting over recent relapse and catching up on overspen. Will take time and effort not recovered from gambling which has been proven a million times before.

I am not gambling with just money I cannot afford. I am also gambling with my future security, emotioinal stability and harming my mum, she is at her wit's end with me. Can't blame her fot that.

If ever I get tempted to play roulette as I am sure I will I will try to think of all the people I am hurting as well as myself and teh other things that are being gambled

To all stay away it's never worth it. Let's accept our losses, don't give the gambling industry leeches anymore blood money and move on.

Awayout

Thought I would add a sense of humour to my diary with a little poem: (with a serious message to gamblers everywhere)

Gambling , Gambling ,,,

Why do I do it??

When the Outcome is always the same

I makes me fell like *hit

Gambling, Gambling

You have robbed me of every penny,

Taking away a happier future

Its not really funny

Gambling, Gambling...

You tempt me with false hope

Leading to despair and fears

Reudcing grown men and women to tears

Gambling , Gambling

I want you off my back

you have wasted enough of my precious time

Without you I nothing lack

Gambling, Gambling

You don't want to go

But I have had enough

You would just bring me a new low.

Gambling gambling,

You are always there

Hiding in the background whispering to me

But I dont want you, you dont care!

I have always liked a bit of poetry.

On a serious note I am having a tough time saying no more to any type of gambling. Just £1 more on the lotto/scratchcards. Hoping beyond hope that will be the lucky one....

Awayout