Hi i have been on this forum many times before and have had so decent attemps at stoping gambling. But now i have hit rock bottem and feel so ashamed, angry, upset i have had enough.
I just dont know why i do it. I am not stupid i no what im doing is wrong. I am happy in all other aspects of my life. I have a wonderful wife who means the world to me.
She knows i have had gambling issues in the past but if she find out ive started gambling again im scared that she might leave me and i wouldent blame her she deserves better than a idiot who gambles away his money.
I just feel so worthless at the minute like there is no point trying to stop as i am not strong enough, but im going to try as hard as i can.
Slots have always been my downfall ,right now i cant stand the thought of playing them having just lost another fortune on them.
Sorry for the rant lets hope that today is the start of the end.
Jamie
Thankyou Julie for your kind words they make me feel better.
Well i am threw the first day of non gambling feeling alot better than yesterday. I am more angry today looking back at what i have done.
But today is a new day and a gamble free day, just a start but at least ive made it.
1 DAY GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Today has been a good day because i have not gambled. Feeling more positive today.
I am still angry with myself and know it will take along time to repair the damage gambling has done.
No urges today as the anger towards gambling is still strong.
2 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Thanks for your kind words of advice on my diary, seems like we've both had decent attempts at giving up then had a slip recently. It was two weeks ago when i was an angry as you were. This helped in a way as i didn't even want to think about gambling as it made me feel sick. When the anger dies down, try and formulate a plan of how you are going to tackle this long term. I originally planned to get to xmas, then 100 days, etc. But as Hanz rightly pointed out, what would happen when these short term goals are met? Possibly you'd feel like you were over gambling and this is fatal as its an excuse to gamble again. My aim now is to shape my lifestyle for a gamble free life not gamble free run up to xmas,.
Chin up anyway mate, you've done it before you can defo do it again!!
Jimbo
Well i am day 6 gamble free and feeling positive.
Thanks jimbo for your message, i agree about shorts term goals i dont think they are the solution. I think i need to accept that i am impulsive and get addicted to things quite easily.
But im going to try to turn the weakness into a strength or at least thats the plan. Going to start doing alot more fitness work and get back into sports that i used to play like tennis and golf.
Had no urges at all the anger is still strong.
Will be back posting daily now i think it helps me alot
6 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
I am past a week now and have still not had a urge to gamble yet which has been good. Nothing much to report other that i am still feeling confident and strong
8 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Keep up the good work...there may not be something to add every day but the important thing is that you're not going back to gambling, and each small step is a part of a much bigger step away from the disease.
Keep going, and hope those strong, confident feelings keep you on track.
All the best
Ryan
Thanks for your support Ryan, i like the way you call it a disease because that is what it is.
Not much to report still no urges but i am keeping my guard up for when they come.
9 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
The weekend has passed gamble free and im quite proud of myself. Had chance to gamble but chose not to. Still hate gambling at the moment.
11 days passed with no urges.
11 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Good luck Jamie and well done, I'm into my second month of being gamble free, it gets easier, just stay focused and keep busy. X
Hi Jamie
Well done on resisting the urge to gamble. Seems like the hatred towards gambling may take you through the hardest part of recovery for most. Never forget how destructive gambling is to your life.
Well done so far mate
Jimbo
Thanks to all that have taken the time to comment on my diary it really does make a difference.
2 weeks up for me today, i am feeling great. Not posted last few days because ive been so busy with work and have not even thought about gambling.
I can remember back a couple of weeks ago how i was thinking and looking back at myself it like i was on drugs or something. Gambling is a drug in my opinion.
I just hope i can keep this mindset going. i quit for quite a while in the summer so i know i can do it.
Thanks again
14 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Had my first urge to gamble today in this attempt to stop gambling. I feel quite proud of myself the chance to gamble was right in my face and i chose not to.
A victory for me over my addiction.
17 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Moving closer the xmas now and still remain gamble free. Feeling very positive and have had no urges since my one at the weekend.
Been doing some xmas shopping, was nice the have a few extra quid in the bank as i had not given any money to the horrible machines.
19 DAYS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
Nothing to much to report havent had any urges. At the moment when i think of slot machines i get very angry at myself thinking of what i have been doing all these years.
I hope this continues as it is making my recovery alot easier.
Sleeping alot better recently as i am not feeling as guilty as i would normally when i had gambled.
3 WEEKS GAMBLE FREE
Jamie
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