Never going back - only forward.

Had my wages and a back dated payment available to me since Monday, I’ve caught up on my house hold bills and put it all in the right places, I’ve had the automatic thoughts of gambling as soon as i get money come into my head, but realisation by keeping one step ahead kicks in and squashes the thoughts of gambling, .. I know dam well that these thoughts of gambling when i get money are Always gonna come at me, I’ve bin at it so long that it’s been brain trained to kick in. Still, I’ve got it’s mark, I’m in control, moving on, keeping one step ahead guard up, bobbyj/rainman

Good morning diary, i am not sleeping so well, i think it’s because i have a lot going on in my head, so I’m slowing it up a little, cut myself some slack last night after work I walked to the pub and had a few beers, I had walked past a betting shop there and back and didn’t even think about it until this morning, now that’s good for me!! The ale was great and i reflected on how i was doing, and I’m ok, level, i also thought of a homeless guy i had passed going to the pub, he has his little tent in a closedown shop door way, I’ve been clocking him over the last week or so, seems like a decent sort , down on his luck, but where do you go from there, I’ve been down, I’ve been in hostel, one step away from on the street, ,,, i nearly went on the street, it seemed like a better place than the hostel at the time, but i held on in there and after a few months i got my own place , with the help of a charity, but when you are really down and you have no where else to turn, you have to hang on and push yourself, ask questions, find out what help if any is out there, ,, there is, but you gotta want to help your self, pick your self up, as difficult as it is, almost seems impossible, your heart is so heavy and push forward, and keep going... Anyway it’s similar to fighting the gambling addiction,,, ......I left the pub before it shut and came home and made some soup, poured it in a mug and took it to the homeless man and the rest of my chocolate.. I’m not a do gooder and i don’t do it to make myself feel better, ,, moving on keeping one step ahead guard Up, bobbyj/ rainman

I’ve just found my multi self exclusion details and realised that it only remains in place for 12 months and another 6 month period in which time to renew,, I’ve renewed, .. moving on keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Getting my back up thinking what ami weak? Isn’t it sad that we all congrigate here on this site, because we are owning up to our lack of control, our weakness in controlling this gambling addiction, ok we admit it and we are all here cos we want to dump it, but it’s really hit me that i am weak in this area but why, why don’t i just say f that and get on with life w*f, i can do it in all other walks of life, drink , women , smoking, if i want i will, if i don’t want i won’t, so that means that i want to gamble but don’t want to gamble, talk about riddles, why can’t i just do a flat no, that’s it and move on, just thinking,, I’ll sort it, moving on keeping one step ahead guard Up, bobbyj/rainman

I don’t want it, i won’t do it.... Moving on keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Bobbyj wrote:

Isn’t it sad that we all congrigate here on this site, because we are owning up to our lack of control, our weakness in controlling this gambling addiction, ok we admit it and we are all here cos we want to dump it, but it’s really hit me that i am weak in this area but why, why don’t i just say f that and get on with life w*f,

You need to get past the thinking that you are weak, or conversly being strong alone will allow you to beat it.

All the evidence suggests that gamblers brains are just wired a little differently.

One of the side effects of dopamine treatment for people with Parkinsons disease is that it vastly increases the likelihood of complulsive behavious, whether thats shopping, gambling or sexual impulses.

This doesn't absolve us from personal responsibility - but once you accept it, you realise you need a range of strategies to stop and stay stopped.

Thanks for dropping by, i agree with what you say, but i i did question myself at that moment.. Just read this and found it interesting info... https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/07/exploiting-the-neuroscience-of-internet-addiction/259820/

I have added to my armour total multiple self exclusion in place, well worth doing just in case i slip up, i don’t feel like I’m going to and i do not doubt myself, ,,, 1, it’s a statement and admission to myself . And 2, it makes me feel stronger. .... I’ve got the chains off me and I’ve chained addiction Up, i know I’ve got it under control, i know I’ve got it.. ... Moving on keeping one step ahead guard Up, bobbyj/rainman

0800-294-2060. This is the phone number for the multiple self exclusion. It’s very easy to put in place and they are very helpful. So if you ain’t done it yet, do yourself a favour and do it now. Moving on keeping one step ahead guard Up, bobbyj/rainman

Hey man

Nice one re the self exclusion... Great move. Hope youre well. Keep up the fight mate.

Thanks signalman. I’ve got a clear head and my self confidence is back, feeling concrete under my feet , I’m not walking a tightrope or a broken bridge, . Addiction had me doing that and will have me doing it again if i let it, i know addiction, see addiction, i continue to control addiction, it cannot control me,. Moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up, bobbyj/rainman

Hey man

Good to hear you're back on your feet and fighting again... As I've said before you're a tough cookie I can sense that.

Keeping moving forward... Takes a lot of will and motivation at the beginning but will eventually become routine over time. Gambling will never be gone or forgotten of course but with hard work and effort we can certainly try and put some distance between us and it. Then it has to do the work to keep up with us, rather than us having to work so hard to keep away from it :o) the tables can turn over time - just stay on your game buddy and like you always say - 'guard up'.

Thanks for dropping by Signal, yes, as i say , as long as i know addiction is there, then I’ve got it under control, I’m keeping one step ahead mate and it ain’t gonna touch me . That’s a part of me that has shrunk at the moment and i won’t feed it so it won’t grow,, laying dormant? Don’t you believe it, keep your eye on it for ever, don’t give addiction the smallest chance... Anyway the job is working out well, I’m doing 7 evenings a week, but I’m done by about 9pm so i still have a bit of time for a drink,, stay safe all. Moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Morning diary, I’ve got a lot going on still, I’ve got my finances under control at last and regular work 7 days a week and I’m enjoying that, ,,,, it’s all happened since i made a stand, a real hard as nails stand against my addiction and i also know that my situation with my relationships definitely had to change, reflecting a change in my life, and future, my self confidence and self control, and self reliance, my strength returned, ,, this is my question to my self, “do you want to be happy in your life?” Do you want to stagnate or go forward “? The answer is obvious, but there were barriers to break down, making the right moves for the better future of all of those who are close to me , ,,, if i want rid of this demon then things have got to change and i found the strength and confidence to make the correct decisions for the situations that i was in,, i made a stand, i made a change, i made a difference, for the best for all,, someone said to me a long time ago that if you get your self sorted out, then everything else falls into place, ,, yes but you have to make the right and good decisions, .. not been feeling well for a while and I’ve put on weight but i can control my weight, my health is a different kettle, but i can have some control over it, .. I should be elated about my finances, but I’ve been a gambler and i seem to have just taken it in my stride, it is though a very big thing and is a lot off my plate,,, I’ve taken another step, im moving home next year and although i preach not look too far ahead,, on this one i have, I’m moving and it will only be for short term and then on again,, that’s my plan, my health has had to come into this equation as well as finances and location... Too much for me to think about? No, I’ve got addiction where i want it and now i can handle my life,, i bought a van the other week as well, only a cheapy, but it will do for a couple of months then I’ll out it and go for something else I’ve got in my head,,,, so I’m moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Running down the clock with my last ten minutes of my shift, at this time i would have been killing my self debating weather or not to go to a betting shop , it wasn’t a debate, it was me already decided i was going, but another side of me knowing it was not in my control to stop,,, well tonight i don’t hurt myself again, tonight i don’t make a problem for myself, tonight i don’t give my addiction the pleasure,, I’ll have that,. Moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman