Never going back - only forward.

Sorry to hear you not been well. Hope you're feeling better.

Thanks for the powerful words. I'll take them on board for sure.

I used to count the gf days but i found that it put me under added pressure, i don’t count at all now, one day i might look back and say,”when did i have my last bet?”, it was that long ago, i can’t remember, do i want to? Not really, as long as i haven’t, dont and won’t, I’m good,, moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Hi diary, I’ve not made an entry for a while, i have been busy with life and the changes that happen during life, i haven’t gambled or had any pull to do so, Im aware of addiction and am always keeping one step ahead, im on the move again and am moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/Rainman

Good job! Keep it up.

Glad youre ok mate. Take care

Yes I’m ok Signal, thanks unknown L. I’ve not really had time to make a entry into my diary. I’m ok not gambling, i don’t want to take a bet i even watched a race at Cheltenham, it wasn’t a pull or a trigger, it made me sad as i watched horses fall and break down. I’ve just been looking online for a hoodie with colours of a certain football team for my mate, i found them with a massive name across the front of it, promoting a certain betting company, it must have covered half the hoodie, ridiculous, i wouldn’t buy that rubbish. It’s in your face everywhere init. They can bike it. Stay in control , I’m moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Bobbyj wrote:

it made me sad as i watched horses fall and break down.

Yes mate that's definitely a sign of a good recovery, I hear you completely. Your taking ownership of your feelings again, they are being reactivated :o)

Love that comment.

Taking the knocks that life throws at ya, don’t run, don’t hide and don’t lose your self in addiction, take the knocks ,that’s life get on with it,,,, .. just when you’re in the driving seat, you can get knocked down,,,, I’m in hospital with lung effusion, on the week i am moving home, just when work was going well,,,, but i ain’t gonna cry about it, and give it all that, “why” , business, i certainly ain’t gonna go and throw my money at a bookies as i used to, that only brings self destruction and selfishness and self loathing, ,,,, oh no, i will be ok, just take a pull, work it out , things will take longer to get where i wanna be,but i will get there and although i am in hospital with a chest drain in me, i may feel vulnerable because of my position, but i will exchange my vulnerability too a position of strength knowing how i will sort this out, ,,, i have done this and i feel strong moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

There’s too much time in our lives just simply wasted and i mean wasted, moving forward keeping one step ahead guard Up bobbyj/rainman

Hi all, sorry I’ve been away so long, had a hell of a lot going down and health issues, 7 different addresses in 3 years, but I’ve kept myself out of the bookies and off line, apart from twice, did i feel bad about it? No, did it worry me? Yes, but only for a moment then i realised that I was in control, do i do it or don’t i do it,? Do i wanna do it, and the answer was NO i don’t want to! So i stopped and i ain’t bothered since and i really ain’t bothered and that was months ago. I don’t take it lightly and i have my guard up with out stressing about it now. I’m gonna say this,,, i find it easy now, I have respect for myself,, i ain’t letting go of that, moving on , guard up, Bobbyj/ Rainman 

I must of known i was in for one, slipped up for 2 days, not good, but made a life line for myself and those around me this morning, it wasn’t gambling money and I’ve managed to keep my head on my shoulders and do the right thing, . I really am sick and very fed up with myself, but again i pick myself up and put myself on the right track again, it seems like a mountain to climb, but i know that i will scale this mountain of my making, the time will pass and as long as i stick to the task, i will get there again, it really ain’t that far away, it just seems like that at the moment, i will not go forward with a heavy heart, i will not spread it for all to see, i will move forward with confidence knowing that i will reap the benefits of my journey forward, it will be ok and that’s the only way it’s gonna be. Moving forward, guard up, Bobbyj/ Rainman

Hi mate, How are you doing? We never spoke much but at the beginning of my recovery you reached out to me. I’m sure we have crossed paths in real life as I use to see a man with that tattoo on his hand at the trains station? If it was you I wanted to say thank you. But didn’t want to bother you in case it wasn’t. OAU

Hi onwardsandupwards, thanks for posting, I’ve posted on your diary. I haven’t been posting regularly, but I’m ok with the gambling side of things I’ve got that under control and I’m not afraid to say that, i used to shy off saying that or writing It down, for fearing that i was tempting fate, well i ain’t bothered now. ... I watched a re run of play for today,The black stuff, Yosser Hughes and the boys, great,, in one scene Yosser tells His mate (after flooring him) that you’re not like me, I’ve always wanted to be someone, I WANNA BE SOMEONE ,, his mate still on the ground looking up at him says,”I don’t want to be someone, IM ALREADY ME” . . .. moving on, bobbyj/Rainman 

Hello, or should I say hell oh, yes it’s hell this gambling Shlt but I’ve bin around for a long time and do know what it’s about,I’ve spent thousands of my money and other peoples, people who are close to me and honestly people who have died in other words inherited and i spunked it, it’s only money,fec that ,,,, it’s the problem that’s in your self, that’s what this is, it’s a got to get back or i want more , just losing ourselves into a place where we are free, oh yeah I’ve bin there time and time again and again, more than ican ever add up, get lost in it, it,,, so what is it,,, it’s you,, look into the mirror mate, don’t move your eyes on your face in the mirror, this is not for just the moment, don’t turn away, if you do then turn back and take a look again mate, take a real look, yes that’s me, I’ve just spent the months money for my family, yes that’s me who just dropped a grand of the money i just borrowed to make up for the money i just lost,,, yes that’s me, i just have to get it back and I’ll stop then,, take a look, i suppose you’ll go to bed cos you’re so exhausted and you can’t take it anymore and you will wrap your self up in quilt and tomorrow is another day,,,, it’s still there,, look back into the mirror, i see myself and I see someone who is out of control and that someone is me,,! It stops now, it stops, not for that moment, it stops forever, because i want my life back and i want to be me the person who is in there, the real me . If i can do it, then i really know that you can do it. It’s a flipping load of shot and hearing this probably sounds like,, ok, another t**t that thinks he’s cracked it, yep I’ve written and believed it myself as I’ve written before, I’m on here today because I came back to a place that I started my admission that i have a gambling problem, note,i said have not had, ha fecin ha, so here’s for me i am in control of my addiction it’s the truth and is possible, believe in yourself, give yourself the respect you deserve, see ya later. Believe in yourself. Bobbyj/ Rainman 

I’ve cracked it , after all this time I’ve got it under control. It can be done, all those desperate times, anguish, sadness, confusion and madness, never will be repeated. It can be done and I’m the proof… Never give up, never. I wish you all  well,regards bobbyj/Rainman