New Diary

Stephen, well done on your recovery. It sounds to me like your employer wishes to discuss a compromise agreement. There are clear rules on how this must be done including that your employer must pay for you to receive legal advice. I would suggest you ask your employer if that is what they are suggesting and take it from there. It sound like they want to bypass some of the formalities! Good luck.

Yea thats it sbisstopping.

Back in work today, there have been a couple of manager meetings this morning that has worried me. They probably have discussed my name once but its hard to not feel worried. However im keeping the head down and working away.

Next week i have an appointment with an eye doctor in Dublin. I have waited 18 months for the appointment so happy and nervous i have a date.

My head is a jungle at the moment. My focus is to work hard this week and take a couple of visits to the gym. Im just hoping i dont get anymore unexpected news or work meetings.

take care people. gambling affects more that your wallet.

Sure enough i came back from lunch and the manager sent me a meeting request for another "catch up".

This is getting me seriously distressed

my meeting is at 5 and im really nervous and i just needed to say that

So the meeting went well, didnt last too long.

Manager said he just wanted a catch up, he said there was money available for a cash payout if i wanted to know the amount.

I said id rather a good job and that im looking to put this all behind me. He said he was delighted with that.

So i suppose its given me more focus, i dont want to gamble, its caused me so much damage. But i recognise willpower is not enough and its time to put some geniune effort in.

Ive also realised how many negative thoughts have been in my head the last couple of years and how difficult i have made this for myself.

Pleased the meeting went well Stephen,

Stay strong, focused and positive,

Suzanne xxx

Hi Stephen, I am new here. I read about your work situation and if it's getting better that's all good. I remember a few work situations when I was deeply codependant and also gambling. I was not messing up at work but my energy was I guess not easy to handle for people. I was even a very nice person. They could not pin anything on me yet , since it was a non profit they could pick and choose and not really be fair to employees. I ended up on the slow road out of there , they paved it for me. So, I feel for you having challenges at work. If you can keep the job and be okay with it that is wonderful, esp. during recovery from gambling. 3 years later or maybe even 4 since I left that job I have still to really get my work situation together and be okay financially. But, I believe that odaat , esp. with my new commitment this is going to happen. I wish you the best odaat. It's not easy but it is worth it. T2

thanks suzanne for the continued support , always appreciate it .

Thanks for the mail tara, how you described previous work situations is like my situation. They couldnt pin anything on me, the fact is gambling was my main priority. I have always done enough workwise but ive never gone the extra mile and work was simply a place where i waited to get paid each month and then gamble.

Pretty focused at the moment. Have a big week next week. Payday and an eye appointment on the same day.

Sending you warm and positive thoughts with your eye appointment,

Good to see you staying focused

Keep strong and keep safe

Suzanne xxx

thanks Suzanne , i have a half day today at work to go to the hospital.

Also got paid. So keeping my attitude positive, im optimistic the appointment will go well but if it doesnt it is not an excuse to go back out gambling.

Great to read your positive attitude today, how did the hospital appointment go ?

Suzanne xxx

Sorry i didnt reply back Suzanne, i dont have a phone or laptop so dont get the chance.

the hospital didnt go well, I have to go have a brain scan. My eyes cant look upwards so i guess thats a bad thing.

Walked in with one problem, left with a different one.

Maybe all those years of saying i wanted to die have paid off. Doctor says it takes about a month to get an mri scan so im guessing i wont have it done till after xmas.

thanks a mil Suzane for your support over the year/s on thiis. I havent paid rent to my ma in 4 months and she doesnt ask for it or ask if im ok so its nice to have someone asking about me. I dont have a dad so i guess your the nearest thing to a parent/friend to me.

Take care people and please dont gamble, i dont know why im so afraid of recovery but gambling is a cancer

Hi Stephen , I've been following your post's but never actually left a comment, sorry for that .

I'm so sorry that you didn't get the news that you were quite expecting from the hospital , thats something else you have to cope with on top of the issues you are already dealing with, sometimes life just seems to keep on throwing cr+P at us by the bucketload .

Ithink its human nature, that we always fear the worst when waiting for tests or diagnosis of conditions , try and stay positive my friend , easy for me to say I know ! but until you know what your dealing with try and stay focused on the good side to life.

I wish you well Stephen , your in my thought's my friend and apologies again for not saying hi sooner ! Alan

Thanks Alan ive been jumpin on and off the page hoping someone would message to be honest. So it means a lot.

Hi Stephen,

Don't apologise for not replying sooner, I myself have just got in from work, else I would have posted sooner.

Am pleased Alan posted,

Listen, you went for your eye test, you did not get quite the answer you expected but Stephen whatever is the problem there it will get sorted out.

Do you know something I think you are a very strong young man, hell Stephen, you have lived with issue for a long time, but even when you get so low, you pull through.

I am sorry you don't get the support from your family at this time that you do need, have you told your mum about your hospital appointment?

Having a brain scan does not mean anything nasty, it's the way modern technology can work out what is wrong.

Of course you are worried and will feel stressed, but you have come so far on your journey on here, you have done marvellous really, you don't know how strong you really are, and you are, because you have never given up on you.I have never given up on you, because I have always seen your inner strength underneath all your negative odds.

I am always pleased to see you post ( whenever lol)

If you want to chat outside the forum, let me know,

Suzanne xxx