Day 1,
After well over a hundred days without gambling I am ashamed to admit that I fell into the same old destructive trap. I really should have picked up on the warning signs. I started posting less on my recovery diary and my thoughts once again turned to gambling. At first I managed to put these thoughts out of my mind but they grew stronger and stronger. Surely a £20 bet at the bookies wouldn't hurt as I was doing so well. So stupid! In the space of a few days I had joined a new gambling site. I must have self-excluded from nearly all of them but when the urge arises I always seem to find a new one. Moving on a few days and today I find myself with an extra £2,300 pounds on my credit card and nothing to show for it except looking hagerred and not eating and sleeping properly. The blocks are now once again in place.
The title of my new thread is because gambling has destroyed my thirties. I will be forty early next year. I have two young children and although they have no idea that daddy is a compulsive gambler if I do not put a stop to this once and for all then they will grow up with this in the background and suffer as a consequence. I will not and cannot let this happen. My wife has been amazing throughout my battle with this awful addiction. She asked me recently if I was gambling as she can pick up on the tell tale signs. I wasn't at the time but I can't face breaking her heart again and admitting now that I have been gambling again. She says that every time she thinks I have been gambling and asks me about it that she feels physically sick in the anticipation as to how much I have wasted this time. I need to keep my focus and my guard well and truly up. As well as paying off my recent gambling debts I need to begin again putting money aside every month for my children. They are young now but when they turn 18 I want to have built up a good nest egg for them. My wife has saved quite a lot for them over the past few years but shamefully I have just wasted and squandered money. I can and will beat this. One day at a time.
Dave
Hi Dave
Really sorry to hear what has happened. Well done on the 100+ days, that's a great achievement and I understand your frustration. Get your blocks back in place and come clean to your wife when you feel you can. Don't give up on posting in your diary. There's so much support here
Just dust yourself down and go again Dave. You know you can beat this. it's a choice and you will choose family before the bookies from now on. 100 days is fantastic but never let your guard down or this CG illness will suck you back in. Trust me I know, 10 years free and I got caught up again 18 months ago. now 9 days into recovery again. If I can do 10 years so can you my friend. Stay strong, stay focused on the family and never give up. this is a long journey but so, so worthwhile
your name is Dave and today you will not gamble 🙂
Day 2,
It felt good to get day 1 out of the way. Onwards and upwards once again as I yet again try to beat this awful addiction. I have decided to put money into a savings account once a month for my children so hopefully this will also help. I made this months contribution yesterday which felt good.
I hope that everybody is having a good gambling free day. Best wishes to all.
Dave
Day 3,
I managed to pay some money off my credit card today which felt good. One day at a time.
Dave
Well done Dave. Keep going. Feels good to be gamble free
Day 4,
Not much to say today. Still really annoyed about my recent slip but what is done is done. Onwards and upwards.
Dave
Hi dave,
That's all it needs to be - a slip. As newey has said dust yourself down and carry on, sometimes we go backwards, but that doesn't mean going backwards will stop us from progressing. We learn from our mistakes and this can be one of those scenarios where you come back stronger to recovery after this little blip.
Best wishes. Remember that tomorrow is day 5 and then you'll soon be at a week, and then 10 days, and then 2 weeks etc etc.
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