Lee sounds like your going through a really hard patch right now. Are there any GA meetings nearby that you could think of going too? Even if you just sit and listen. They won't make you talk unless you want too!
Also what about signing up to MOSES to stop yourself from being able to bet in the bookies around you? I assume GAMBAN is also in place ?
Another step to consider is to have someone close to you control your finances or at least have access so they can check up and hold you accountable.
Your back here enough to show you do really want this Lee, now you need to reach out and make some of these more uncomfortable control measures to ensure this cycle of payday to gamble stops once and for all.
Keep writing your story Lee I'm routing for you!
Hi Lee.55
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, but it's great to know you have made the decision to keep going! You're doing an amazing job, and it takes a lot of strength to talk about what you're going through. If you haven't already, I encourage you to reach out to one of our advisors through our helpline. They can help you understand how gambling may be effecting you explore the support options available. Additionally, if you're feeling concerned about your mental health or noticing changes in your eating habits because of the gambling, it might be helpful to speak with your GP for further support.
Please don’t be alone with this – our helpline on 0808 8020 133 and or 1:1 live chat is both open 24 hours 7 days a week.
Take care,
Kaya
Forum Admin
Thanks dazza, I have gamban it's been a massive help, I can't do mosses as I haven't mentioned before incase people think of me as the enemy lol but I actually work in a bookies, makes this alot more difficult, I have handed my bank card over to my mother but I just use the get cash on my banking app or go into the bank to withdraw cash, I even transferred money to a friend to withdraw for me last week, I lie about what I need it for, I've got lots of things in place but when I want to gamble I find a way. I crave it all the time but almost as soon as I start I regret it and know I'm going to lose, it makes no sense, I don't enjoy it anymore, spend hours feeling sick. I've stopped before for about a year before, so I know I can do it, just don't feel like I have the strength lately, Im trying just obviously not hard enough!
So this morning I found myself looking online at what horses were running at Cheltenham, then started picking out what ones I thought would win and decided I didn't have much money but I could afford a couple of quid to do an accumulator, then I stopped and thought, what's the point, they probably won't win an even if they do I won't actually get any money because when I go to pick it up I'd just put it all in the fobts, because that's what ive done every other time, so I decided to go for a long walk with the dog, come home and do some cleaning, I couldn't resist checking the results, I would have lost by just 1 horse, I'd have been absolutely gutted, I'd have wasted my last few quid and my whole afternoon watching the races and been kicking myself with the old 'if only id picked a different horse' it might not sound like much of an achievement but it is for me, feel great tonight, clean house, had 3 healthy meals and no regrets! Only one way someone like me can win, is to not bet at all! If only I could think so sensibly everyday, life would be good.
On day 13 again, feeling much easier this time around, wanting to gamble alot less now. I've had some pretty low days but today's been a good one, really appreciate how good it is to end a day off work and feel relaxed because I've used my spare time to get all the little jobs done, using my time well, for me is just as important as the money.
Got paid a couple of days ago and have no money left, sounds the same as every other month but it's not, this time I paid all my bills, went shopping and put a small amount away incase there's anything else I might need and with what was left I booked a holiday! Feeling really positive, I won't gamble this month because I've got next to no money left, trying to save wasn't working for me so I've tried something new, this way for the next 4 months what's left of my wages is accounted for and I'll be spending any spare time trying to get in shape for the holiday, I have something to luck forward to and a focus! Since I came back on here in January I've not managed a full month without gambling, I've definitely made a lot of improvement, gambled alot less then I would have done without coming on here but it wasn't enough, hope this is it for me now because I can't keep going round in circles forever.
So far so good with not gambling for the whole of this month, life is feeling easier, Ive started to read again, hadn't read for about a year, always to much going on in my head to concentrate, got through 2 books this week already, I kept thinking I needed to find something exciting to replace gambling but actually think I needed to find something to help me relax, reading definitely does that.
Hi Lee - good job moving forward. Keep going and proving to yourself you can do this!
The struggle can be incredibly over-whelming at times. I can say that 90 days is a good start to break a habit, but it requires much more dedication, knowledge and self-awareness than that. I say that because I am currently battling through this timeframe of days. For short, I decided in Sept. 2024 that I no longer wanted to be a victim to gambling, that I had had enough of the pain I was causing myself and my unknowing spouse. So I came out to her about it, got some help from counselling, and started my journey to be GF. First try I went 88 days, and then one day, while bored and stressed, I went searching and spent $50 for about 2 hours of entertainment online - I won and I lost, ultimately giving the $50 away. Take two...I went 121 days this time before having a lapse last week, and have gambled 4 times in the past 7 days. I had two accounts reactivate and I abused them both, losing a total of $300 of my savings. I know it seems small, but going into this in Sept. 2024 I was severely in debt from poor gambling decisions (still paying pack about 60% of what I owed).
So today, after I had a good few days, I lost part of my savings because I couldn't say no to myself. I could not look forward and recall the measures and goals I had adopted to help restrain myself from gambling. Today I felt bored, excited and eventually over-whelmed and anxious about my losses, guilty about gambling, and a bit hopeless that beating this will take a lifetime. Fact, it will take a lifetime - but do not let that deter you. Keep going one day at time. Build healthy habits (walks, work outs, time with kids/family/friends, volunteer) and remind yourself, when urges hit, why you are GF for the time you have been. I promise, there is always something better to spend money on, something to make you mundanely more happy from a result that doesn't involve any sort of wager. It is a tough addiction/habit to break, but reminding yourself daily why you do it, and taking things one day at time, even in the harshest of days, is the best day to push forward. When you lapse, put the measures in place to stop yourself, whatever they may be, and start fresh the next day - day 1.
For me, day 1 is tomorrow, and my goal is get well past 150 days this time around. Creating new habits during this timeframe, new goals, and happy memories.
Keep battling!
JB
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