New diary

Lee sounds like your going through a really hard patch right now.  Are there any GA meetings nearby that you could think of going too? Even if you just sit and listen.  They won't make you talk unless you want too! 

Also what about signing up to MOSES to stop yourself from being able to bet in the bookies around you? I assume GAMBAN is also in place ? 

Another step to consider is to have someone close to you control your finances or at least have access so they can check up and hold you accountable. 

Your back here enough to show you do really want this Lee, now you need to reach out and make some of these more uncomfortable control measures to ensure this cycle of payday to gamble stops once and for all. 

Keep writing your story Lee I'm routing for you!

Hi Lee.55

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, but it's great to know you have made the decision to keep going! You're doing an amazing job, and it takes a lot of strength to talk about what you're going through. If you haven't already, I encourage you to reach out to one of our advisors through our helpline. They can help you understand how gambling may be effecting you explore the support options available. Additionally, if you're feeling concerned about your mental health or noticing changes in your eating habits because of the gambling, it might be helpful to speak with your GP for further support. 

Please don’t be alone with this – our helpline on 0808 8020 133 and or 1:1 live chat is both open 24 hours 7 days a week. 

Take care, 

Kaya

Forum Admin

Thanks dazza, I have gamban it's been a massive help, I can't do mosses as I haven't mentioned before incase people think of me as the enemy lol but I actually work in a bookies, makes this alot more difficult, I have handed my bank card over to my mother but I just use the get cash on my banking app or go into the bank to withdraw cash, I even transferred money to a friend to withdraw for me last week, I lie about what I need it for, I've got lots of things in place but when I want to gamble I find a way. I crave it all the time but almost as soon as I start I regret it and know I'm going to lose, it makes no sense, I don't enjoy it anymore, spend hours feeling sick. I've stopped before for about a year before, so I know I can do it, just don't feel like I have the strength lately, Im trying just obviously not hard enough!

So this morning I found myself looking online at what horses were running at Cheltenham, then started picking out what ones I thought would win and decided I didn't have much money but I could afford a couple of quid to do an accumulator, then I stopped and thought, what's the point, they probably won't win an even if they do I won't actually get any money because when I go to pick it up I'd just put it all in the fobts, because that's what ive done every other time, so I decided to go for a long walk with the dog, come home and do some cleaning, I couldn't resist checking the results, I would have lost by just 1 horse, I'd have been absolutely gutted, I'd have wasted my last few quid and my whole afternoon watching the races and been kicking myself with the old 'if only id picked a different horse'  it might not sound like much of an achievement but it is for me, feel great tonight, clean house, had 3 healthy meals and no regrets! Only one way someone like me can win, is to not bet at all! If only I could think so sensibly everyday, life would be good.

On day 13 again, feeling much easier this time around, wanting to gamble alot less now. I've had some pretty low days but today's been a good one, really appreciate how good it is to end a day off work and feel relaxed because I've used my spare time to get all the little jobs done, using my time well, for me is just as important as the money.

Got paid a couple of days ago and have no money left, sounds the same as every other month but it's not, this time I paid all my bills, went shopping and put a small amount away incase there's anything else I might need and with what was left I booked a holiday! Feeling really positive, I won't gamble this month because I've got next to no money left, trying to save wasn't working for me so I've tried something new, this way for the next 4 months what's left of my wages is accounted for and I'll be spending any spare time trying to get in shape for the holiday, I have something to luck forward to and a focus! Since I came back on here in January I've not managed a full month without gambling, I've definitely made a lot of improvement, gambled alot less then I would have done without coming on here but it wasn't enough, hope this is it for me now because I can't keep going round in circles forever.

So far so good with not gambling for the whole of this month, life is feeling easier, Ive started to read again, hadn't read for about a year, always to much going on in my head to concentrate, got through 2 books this week already, I kept thinking I needed to find something exciting to replace gambling but actually think I needed to find something to help me relax, reading definitely does that.

@fun-has-stopped

Hi Lee - good job moving forward. Keep going and proving to yourself you can do this!

The struggle can be incredibly over-whelming at times. I can say that 90 days is a good start to break a habit, but it requires much more dedication, knowledge and self-awareness than that. I say that because I am currently battling through this timeframe of days. For short, I decided in Sept. 2024 that I no longer wanted to be a victim to gambling, that I had had enough of the pain I was causing myself and my unknowing spouse. So I came out to her about it, got some help from counselling, and started my journey to be GF. First try I went 88 days, and then one day, while bored and stressed, I went searching and spent $50 for about 2 hours of entertainment online - I won and I lost, ultimately giving the $50 away. Take two...I went 121 days this time before having a lapse last week, and have gambled 4 times in the past 7 days. I had two accounts reactivate and I abused them both, losing a total of $300 of my savings. I know it seems small, but going into this in Sept. 2024 I was severely in debt from poor gambling decisions (still paying pack about 60% of what I owed).

So today, after I had a good few days, I lost part of my savings because I couldn't say no to myself. I could not look forward and recall the measures and goals I had adopted to help restrain myself from gambling. Today I felt bored, excited and eventually over-whelmed and anxious about my losses, guilty about gambling, and a bit hopeless that beating this will take a lifetime. Fact, it will take a lifetime - but do not let that deter you. Keep going one day at time. Build healthy habits (walks, work outs, time with kids/family/friends, volunteer) and remind yourself, when urges hit, why you are GF for the time you have been. I promise, there is always something better to spend money on, something to make you mundanely more happy from a result that doesn't involve any sort of wager. It is a tough addiction/habit to break, but reminding yourself daily why you do it, and taking things one day at time, even in the harshest of days, is the best day to push forward. When you lapse, put the measures in place to stop yourself, whatever they may be, and start fresh the next day - day 1.

For me, day 1 is tomorrow, and my goal is get well past 150 days this time around. Creating new habits during this timeframe, new goals, and happy memories.

Keep battling!

JB 

I wasn't going to come back on here as it's just embarrassing now, seeing so many other people managing to actually quit for months even years and Ive still not managed one month but I feel like I need to keep a record of my failures just for myself, so here we go again...

Got abit of inheritance money a couple of days ago (not a fortune), had plans of all the things I was going to spend it o but a stupid split second decision today to put a bet on the Irish grand national took me back into the bookies were I decided just 20 quid in the fobt, it went fast, so did the next few twenties then I got on the feature and it didn't pay a penny, I was convinced it would put me back on soon and it would pay so asked someone to watch it while I withdrew another hundred, then another and so on until I was sat 3 hours later head spinning feeling physically sick looking at my empty online bank account, I'd said I would only be gone 10 minutes my daughter was at home waiting for me to make tea, I really wanted to just leave but I kept getting little wins that were no where close to being able to cash out but kept me there feeling trapped, seeing everyone else coming and going, feeling like the only person who was that stupid to think if I just keep going eventually it will pay out even half of what I'd put in. When I eventually left I sat in my car for another 20 minutes because I didn't feel safe to drive, I would never actually do it but I felt suicidal, could barely look at my daughter when I eventually got home, the shame and guilt is unbelievable, I came to bed hours ago but still can't sleep, mind still spinning. I'm going to put more blocks in place this time, self exclude from the most recent bookies I've been using, think that will be every place in town I'll be excluded from then, and hand over control of my money to my mother for a couple of months. I wish I could bottle this feeling so that every time I thought about gambling this is the memory I had.

Didn't get much sleep but when I woke up the stress and anger I felt last night has gone I just feel flat this morning and sad, first thing I did was check my bank, I don't know why, maybe hoping some how some money had magically gone back in! A very brief thought passed of going back to try again, not just impossible for lack of funds, I actually don't want to 

it might be worth cutting up your bank card to avoid been able to take cash out, I have a gambling ban on my account but I started to withdraw cash, its cut up now, I have a £50.00 a day contactless limit and just pay for everything online.  It will be a tough loss and relapse to take, but use it as a lesson and a motivational point in your journey.  keep hold of that feeling of guilt and us it, every time you want to gamble, take yourself back to this moment and use it as a strength moving forward.  You can do it.

Thanks I'm definitely keeping hold of that feeling this time and getting every single block in place! 

I thought I'd be ok because I get paid next week and have plenty of shopping in, but things keep popping up, a bill I'd forgot to pay earlier in month so had to borrow money to cover that, it's my dad's birthday tomorrow and have to tell him I'll get him something next week and my daughter has asked for money for new school shoes, non of these should be a problem, I didn't need to try and win more money, I had plenty, now I have none, to try and explain this to anyone that doesn't have a gambling addiction it doesn't just sound foolish it sounds completely insane. 

Since coming back on here in January and trying to stop I have definitely reduced the amount I have gambled massively and it's been a big help but I've still lost over £2000 in that time, it's madness that I really desperately NEED to stop.

Managed to get my overdraft increased so at least I'm ok till I get paid next week which is good but I hate being in debt and I'm starting to rack up quite a bit lately so that's not great. No thoughts of trying to win back what I've lost, I actually haven't struggled with that for awhile now, next few days to weeks I don't want to gamble, it's once I've gotten over the loss that I go back, but not this time, I've arranged for a friend to come with me when I'm next off work on Monday and self exclude, then I've decided every time I get paid I'm going to withdraw most of my wage (except enough for direct debits)and leave it at my mam's house, as handing over the card doesn't work because I either use the get cash or just go into the bank and withdraw, this way I'll have no access to it without explaining what it's for, and I'll have alot further to travel if I did decide to gamble. I know nothing can prevent me 100% but the harder I make it on myself the better.

Lee it might be time to look for another job matey.  I don't mean any disrespect at all and I appreciate finding another job isn't just straight forward, but what your going through every week, it's being made twenty times harder because you work in a bookies. Just like an alcoholic working in a pub or a s*x addict working in a brothel, a food addict working in an ice cream van.  Hell brother your day must be really s**t because if I was working in a bookies I know for sure I would be blowing my brains out gambling. Every day! 

I know my advice might hurt but please consider looking for another job.  Hell, you might say you can't afford it but let's be honest it sounds like a lot of whatever your earning is going into their till again, right? 

I've attended GA every week since I admitted I am a compulsive gambler and the one thing that everyone in that room has in common is an understanding that there are THREE things that ruin us. They are

TIME

MONEY

FREEDOM to Gamble. 

Working in a bookies your open to the time and freedom to bet none stop and that's why your on this horrible runaway train! 

All said with love my friend. 

Thanks for the advice, a few people in my family have said the same thing but weirdly I think my job can 'usually' be more helpful then harmful, firstly I'm not allowed to gamble at work or in any bookies that the company own, that's 7 bookies in my town I can't go into, while I'm working 99% of the time I'm not actually wanting to gamble myself, because I'm watching other people gamble and as we all know they're mostly loosing, seeing that mostly keeps me on track, i enjoy work most of the time, get on well with the people I work with and the customers, everyone there understands the addiction, I actually offer people I see loosing advice, (shame I can't advise myself) but I do have to admit that sometimes I see someone win big and it sets something off in my mind, even though I've advised people who win big to be careful, tell them it's not likely to happen again and that most people end up loosing it all, my shop manager knows I tell people things like this an he's not bothered because he's had problems with gambling himself and understands but I imagine the higher up managers wouldn't be impressed, our latest report has said our shop is worst in the area for fobt profits, that made me feel a little proud.