New diary for 2024

Thankyou adam xx

151 days gamble free today 🙌 🙂🎉

134 days gamble-free is a massive achievement. Your strength and resilience shine through. Wishing you all the positivity and success on this new chapter in your 2024 diary!

So were on Monday again. Mondays really do make me think about my addiction. It was always my worst day of gambling. Were we live, the nearest big shops like asda and Iceland are 25 minutes away by car. My partner would go to do the food shop and I would gamble the money in the time it took him to get there. Then I would have to do the shameful phone call to him saying I'd gambled the money. He would then come home with no food, and the look of hurt on his face just destroyed me. Got to the point were (on the occasions I managed not to gamble) he would be ringing me when he was at the checkout to make sure there was money in bank. Even after I stopped gambling he would still do those worried phonecards for about a month before he started to slowly trust me again. Now today, he's gone shopping knowing the money is there, and I'm reflecting, I seem to do this every Monday. I'm so glad I managed to stop. It was destroying my life and those closest to me. I'm now 152 days gamble free and I never ever want to go back to it.

Its 3.40am and I've not been able to sleep. Since losing my mam in traumatic circumstances I've been suffering from flashbacks. The last few days have been particularly bad especially tonight. I've been lying in bed since 10.30pm and still haven't been able to fall asleep. I have so much going on in my head, its just racing. My clock shows I'm 157 days gamble free and tonight, the first time in a long time I'm having urges to gamble. I just want to feel that escape. But I know it would make things a million times worse. So I went on livechat instead. Advisor suggested I try headspace so im going to try that now and see if I can get some sleep. Feel like I'm completely broken inside, I just don't see how I can move forward 😔 

Hi there. Very well done on your recovery journey what you described is what I do to not every night but I keep reprogramming my thoughts constantly it’s like a broken computer starting and restarting and it’s utterly exhausting 

I believe it’s time to get some help soon for me as I have no quality of life in the daytime now

 Best

This weekend has been super hard for me..my daughter has been in hospital since Friday. Worrying time but hopefully she can come home tomorrow.

I've been suffering awful flash backs since my mum passed away, its affecting me everyday and I'm struggling to cope. 

I have had gambling urges this weekend, but I reached out to the helpline early hours of one morning, it was a very supporting conversation and I was told to try headspace, which has actually worked. I have had more sleep since, not much but more than I was.

I'm 159 days gamble free and despite the urges, have no intention of ever gambling again.

162 days gamble free today. Feeling very proud of myself. My friends asked me if I want to go shopping and for some lunch Friday and I was able to say yes straight away, in my gambling days I would have to make excuses not to go. I'm enjoying socialising again. Then me and my partner are going for a meal next week before I start treatment, he's been my rock lately.

Hope everyone's OK. Take care, stay strong

Hi there. It inspires me to push on when I see your progress now life is starting to be as it should be 

 We can all take those crucial steps forward and be our best

166 days gamble free, never in a million years did I think I could do this. I have all my blocks, gamstop.. gamban etc but the life changer for me is my partner having access to our online banking. Its good because I'm still in financial control, I pay the bills etc and having that trust to still be able to do that after everything means the world to me. Just knowing my partner can see all the transactions helps massively to keep me on the right track. I have a seriously lot going on in my life right now, and the fact I haven't succumbed to gambling makes me feel stronger everyday. I'm proud of how far I've come after all the relapses

I am not coping at all. I have so much going on and my mental health is at a all time low. I just don't know how to carry on. I'm exhausted in every way possible. I just want to be with my mam

178 days gf. I don't know how on earth I'm doing it with everything that's going on but some how I am. 

Tonight is a particularly bad night. I can't sleep. My heads pounding. Thinking all sorts. For the first time since my last relapse I was actually tempted to sign up to a non gamstop site. Just to escape my head. But I'm 180 days gf and I can't ruin that now. So guess its just me and my thoughts for the night 😭

Just had some absolutely devastating news. Life is so cruel , I don't even want to be part of it anymore. I want to escape to gambling right now mire than I ever have. What a cruel world. 

Escape to gambling wont solve anything, being proud of who you are and what you are achieving will comfort you through most things though. 

I don`t want to pry into devastating news, but hope all will be ok and its retrievable.

You are awesome Stace.

Ah thankyou lids. Found out my brother has cancer, he's got 6 kids and one on the way, its devastating news, he starts chemo today and is very unwell. I won't give in and gamble,  I'm 185 days gf and do not want to ruin all my hard work. 

So im 185 days gf today. Because of how ive been feeling I've not been leaving the house. I don't open my curtains or answer the door but yesterday I managed to go to my partners parents house an hour away. It was nice to get out and away from the house. I even manged to take the kids to mcdonalds. Then I got an early night with some magazines. Feel more relaxed today. I will keep fighting to get better and stay gamble free for my kids.