New me started 5th June 2020

How has your partner taken the news? 

Why didn’t you just stop is a question im

forever asked and the simple answer is I couldn’t and it consumed my life for days. I’d wake up and be straight online looking for something to try and win my money back! 

i hope everything works out. 

Hi Charlie

Thank you for your message on my diary. 

Sorry I haven’t replied to your first post, I have been so busy and then saw you started a diary thread. 

It was inevitable that sooner or later your husband would find out and now the truth is out, you must feel a sense of relief - I know I did. Now that’s out the way you can work on everything else without the added weight of secrets and lies on your shoulders. Just take a day at a time and each day will slowly add up. Soon your mind will become clearer and you will start to feel better. 

Find things to keep you busy and anything that you can use as a distraction to overcome any urges. You e done the hardest part of facing the truth so be kind to yourself and keep coming back for support. 

Well done on 5 days gf. 

Lively

Hope your okay 

It's not nice when you've lost alot of money and your found out, I hope that your husband has calmed down as when it's just out boy do things go wild but hopefully when things calm down you feel better as no more lies and you can then start to sort things out. It's not easy and I won't say it is but if you can put everything in place so as you can't do this again when you get the urge as you will gambling is a terrible addiction and can do so much damage in such a short period of time,  My partner is fuming with me at this time and to be honest I don't know if we're going to last. But if I've got to go for the best then that's what I need to do. I caused it it's my fault why should my family suffer?  But they have and still are as I lost alot of money on the 24th of April and it's still coming back to bite me. I hope your husband can read some stories and understand how evil a gambling addiction is, I wish you well 

V v badly Anthony and whilst I own what I've done big time it's difficult because a lot of my triggers have been him. We've got a massive block in our relationship which I don't know if we can move on from. However day 7 GF today and I've had my first realisation that I have to do this for me before anyone else if I don't get myself better none of us can move on

Dear diary. Day 7 today I was going to fill in the other 6 days but I'm struggling big time I can't think straight and I feel nervous anxious and agitated. So I'm going to start posting from day 7 heaping more pressure on myself by trying to think over last 6 days is not helpful. Me and Mike (my husband) have hit a huge wall I feel so guilty he feels so angry. V bad combo. However I'm proud of myself for the 7 days GF and I'm looking forward to my telephone appt with ARA. 

Atleast you've reached out and got help, that's a big plus good on you also it is for you and your future as a gamble free future can lead to a fulfilling life as gambling Will only give you the odd win but mostly loosing and having to live with that terrible feeling in your stomach. Stop for good do it for you 

Ty @kevthekev40. Means a lot to me u leaving encouraging messages especially as I know how rough u have been. Hope u are staying GF and mental health issues are settling

Left a message for u on my diary oops taking me a while to get used to this

Thanks my friend 

I'm taken it one day at a time and go from there.when your at the bottom the only way is up

Hi, 

I can see like me, you’re fairly new on here.  It’s so hard isn’t it to face everything and everyone else. I’m finding it overwhelming. Every time I think what I’ve done, I feel sick. My husband was also so angry that I feel in constant fear. I don’t mean in fear of anything physically, but I’m so scared of saying anything that can set it all off again.  Hope you’re doing ok . 

Day 8 today feeling more positive and finding comfort from posting. Had to ask for money today to go shopping as I've given full finances to husband. Just getting ready to go worried about staying within budget  going to keep a running total on my phone calculator so I don't get embarrassed at cash desk. But thinking about some posts on here about people having to have food parcels I'm looking at being able to go shopping at all as a positive

Well managed the shopping ok !!

Your doing well my friend just take it one day at a time and relationships are complicated and take time to mend,  I know as mine is going through a very tough place at the moment but I can't control how my partner feels and also can't allow my relationship to pull me down. I love my partner and not taken things lightly but I've got to keep myself strong and deal with what I can control and not on what I can't. I've already said that if things don't improve then I'll have to move out but just taken one day at a time and you do the same things have away of working themselves out but no matter wha you stay strong and do this fight for yourself and all the other bricks will fall into place. As they say life is a roller coaster and God do we have to ride it

Yes kev husband not really speaking to me atm but I'm not really bothered nice not having sarcastic comments for a change. It's true tis v rollercoaster !!! But I have more faith now that I can do this than any other time hoping same happens for u