Hi im new here and i wanted to start a diary in the hope that thus will help me to conquer this addiction.
Im a 27 yr old female with 2 children and a husband. I dont work due to mental health problems stemming from extreme childhood abuse. I started gambling here and there about 5 years ago playing online bingo mainly. This was until i discovered slots. At first i was not really bothered about winning or losing id set a limit and stick to it. This was until i got an extremely large amount of compensation due to the childhood abuse for being unable to work. I paid off all my debts and for the first time was financially stable. But this only made me panic everyday about the what ifs as i could see the money going down from purchases etc. Then i really started playing slots and kept winning big. At this point i wasnt really addicted just loved to play then last september my husband was emotionally unfaithful with the intention of sleeping with someone who was meant to be a friend. All my money was gone by this point and i was angry and hurt so just kept gambling i found comfort and solace in this and so this lead to my addiction and in turn made me feel in control of myself again. I kept telling myself i was ok it was my hobby as i dont drink, smoke do drugs or really socialise. Then in jan of this year i won nearly ВЈ4000 on a 20p bingo ticket and this just fuelled me even more and i ended up putting it all back in and more than i could afford. I took out credit cards, overdrafts, mobile phone contracts, payday loans and catalogues just to pay for my habit. Im now in over £15,000 worth of debt that i cant afford to pay back. Im on a dmp now but still aint learnt my lesson as i was so depressed on Christmas day i spent all my money including food money and left us entirely penniless with no where to turn for help. This led to me taking an overdose of strong painkillers as i just didn't want to feel no more. I felt sick,selfish angry and all sorts of emotions for my actions. I am now on here for the hope i can use the tools and advice of others to encourage me to be strong. I had my last gamble on boxing day. I need to do this for my 4 and 1 year old they need their happy mummy back and i hate myself for what ive done. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and letting me get a huge weight off of my mind. It may have taken along time to get here but here i am and i intend to take it day by day. Today is day 3.
Well done on starting your diary and for writing everything down - hopefully you will feel a little better just by posting on here and reading the stories of others. I'm going into 2015 intending never to gamble again. I have blocked the gbling websites and have been trying to keep busy doing other things and finding strength in this forum. I really wish you good luck and congratulations on day 3.
Clare
Hi,
Its good to see you here, i'm 20 and in stupid debt from gambling but I've found the help on here and support from everyone really helps me avoid gambling, one thing I can suggest is to read other peoples diaries and that is what has relly put me off, seeing older people than myself in a mess and realising that will be me and you as your still young if we don't stop.
I think the hardest part is admitting we have a problem and coming here, next its just having the strength to keep away.
D
DAY 4
Today im finding things quite hard i really want to gamble its like that itch you wanna scratch but know you shouldnt and i feel frustrated and on edge. I have kept myself as busy as i could iv done so much housework, sorting out cupboards and other stuff but i also feel very alien as normally im glued to.my phone or computer while im watching my soaps and i am struggling to just sit there now. Im now going to try and get my passion back for embroidery as i loved doing that until the gambling took over. I am a little frightened for tomorrow though as i get paid tonight and fear il do as i always do and gamble in the middle of the night. I have no self control and atm self respect as i continue spending knowing il have nothing left to even buy food im such a fool. I need to break this addiction once and for all.
Hiya
I think you need to remove the temptation to gamble. You are doing really well on Day 4 and should be proud. I have felt a bit like that too and it is only coming on here whilst watching tv that has helped as I normally sit gambling and watching tv too. Have you self excluded from the sites or considered using free software you can download to block all gambling sites? If you have no self control then the best thing is to remove the opportunity to gamble. Is there any way to transfer your wages tonight into another account of yours or someone elses so you cannot touch the money? Is there any one in your life who you could trust to manage your finances? I understand how you feel. I have even phoned the bank and told them I have lost my debit card.. this means they put an irreversable block on the card so you cannot use it to gamble.. may be impractical but gives me a few days where it is almost impossible to gamble.
Be strong. YOU can do it one day at a time.
Clare
Hi snukems, these early stages are so hard as you begin to face the realisation of what you have been doing. Have you spoken to an advisor? I'm not sure what got you through the overdose but this is not the answer, I'm so glad you came through that! My Sister passed away after a battle with illness & her kids, now almost adults miss her everyday, I do not know how they would ever have copes had a previous suicide attempt by her been successful!
If you find yourself awake tonight when your wages 'come in' log on here instead! In fact, if you are awake now, get on the sites while you have this strength & no ability to gamble & exclude yourself then instal the blocking software! This is an incredibly tough journey for someone to go it alone without blocks & although we will offer you our unwavering support I am sure the Gamcare professionals will be able to help with the practicalities!
Be strong tonight, one hour, one minute or even one second @ a time then tomorrow take your cash & treat yourself to an embroidery to make use of idle thumbs!
It's hard but you will never regret recovery - ODAAT
Hey - How have you got on?
Let us know - good or bad, we are here to 'talk' to if you need help/support 🙂 All the best for New Year
Clare x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
