My Name is Wayne
I Believe this is my Diary...
Purpose;
To record my daily/weekly feelings concerning gambling and associated issues.
To count down Monthly my Debt which without interest is currently £28,500 (ish).
To keep count of Gamble free record of days.
To help others if possible and to feel less lonely period.
I am a addicted complusive progressive gambler that has a serious issue with stoping gambling once started.
I have gambled since aged 7 and started off in penny arcades (when they litterally were pennies)
then onto 2p then 5p then 10p bandits (now called slot machines)
onto 25p then 50p then £1 spin (£75 deal or no deal slots)
to £1 or £2 a spin (rainbow riches/elvis slots and bookies)
to Casino £2 - £5 a spin fork knox/cleopatra/lobsters machines
to roulette playing ponies(£25 a chip) spins for hours on end
to online Roulette and pink panther £8 - £80 a spin bets
to £1000 horse races or £50 trio bets.
Basically worse and worse and worse.
Today i am 2 days gamble free and each day will come here to keep it logged and hopefully take my life back from this demon.
My triggers are boredom and being lonely - coming here should help a small way in alleviating these start offs that lead to hell.
i can't win as i can't stop ----------- so if i don't start i will not need to stop............that is the plan!
Best Regards to every single one of you whom is stuck with this hold on their lives like me - i understand and so will others on here.
elsewhere i don't think anyone else really does get it--------as to be fair it is pretty Fffd up by any standards ------ sometimes when i come back from a bad spend i think how did that happen ---- its like i have zoned out and bang reality of the situation hits....
time to take control back and think logically ..........it won't be easy but we have gotta do it.....i know i have for sure 100% i am on the edge of losing everything and at 29 that is sad.
joined the 2015 challenge and look forward to the 2016 one too....
BYE FOR NOW......Wayne (LEST-WE-FORGET) DAY 2 GAMBLE FREE
Welcome to recovery Wayne (LEST-WE-FORGET) 🙂
This too is my story! I am not stupid, I know what is right & what is wrong, I have no diagnosed mentall ill health...Why did I do it? Why did I let it last about as long as you have been alive? Truth is, I have no idea & it matters not, I am now where I need to be for the rest of my life...In recovery & if I can do it, anyone can!
I guess the therapists know the theory but only people like 'us' understand the compulsion that sucks us into this vile pit of despair 🙁 I hear your hopes & plans & wish you the very best! I will also offer you advice as you may need more than coming here alone & that is to put up blocks to break the Time-Money-Location triangle as without 1 we cannot gamble. For me, self exclusion was not enough but it helps me now. I handed over my finances to my partner, started my diary & found sites like this that not only offered advice & guidance but perhaps more importantly showed me other people in my shoes beating this over the head & that has been paramount to my recovery!
I hope it offers you the same strength throughout 2015 - ODAAT
Good luck on your diary.
I do have one thing to say and I usually say it when I can, is to not get disheartened when you slip up, because those days will happen, and you will probably get a lot of them. That's why I don't really advocate counting number of days and then beginning back to day 1, because it is heartbreaking, and isn't a good measure of progress as it puts too much pressure you on.
I could be doing better, but a lot worse. I used to gamble everyday. Now, it is maybe once a month, which is good, but could be better, because I am still losing damaging amounts.
Good luck on your diary.
I do have one thing to say and I usually say it when I can, is to not get disheartened when you slip up, because those days will happen, and you will probably get a lot of them. That's why I don't really advocate counting number of days and then beginning back to day 1, because it is heartbreaking, and isn't a good measure of progress as it puts too much pressure you on.
I could be doing better, but a lot worse. I used to gamble everyday. Now, it is maybe once a month, which is good, but could be better, because I am still losing damaging amounts.
Dear ODAAT
Yes my mind thinks straight in nearly every single scenario except when it comes to gambling, i have no mental health except the addiction to gambling and yes therapists don't understand unless they have been/still are addicted themselves otherwise it would be a curable condition and from what i understand the potential of it ruining us never really goes away fully.(which is a blow to me)
I wonder if hypnosis will have any real effect - i think i would try anything to assist me.
I today had a urge to talk people i was out with in to going to a casino just for a look and show them....the thought formed in my mind and to be honest caused a scary adrenaline rush but one twined with disgust for even thinking it.
I however felt 2 things immediately after - the first my friends would see right through the ploy to get in that enviroment and the second was a wondering if i was alone and near the place would i have been failing my 7th Day???
Thank god i wasn't alone and thank god my friends would not have bought such an idea and be knowing they would be disappointed in even the attempt after spending few hours before telling them i joined this site gamcare to give up gambling for good i refrained from voicing it - yet the thought had formed and studying psychology online that means a plan was actually in motion, no thought is really just a thought but a stage in a result of something starting to be/exist, so it needed changing quick.
Both scared me enough to get home and start the pound in a jar saving method to give me a visual aid to not gamble and also leave certain cards out of reach.
However when i got home i even had a second thought of i could go if i wanted now......as alone and don't need to pursuade anyone........however i remembered the s**t that would start off again and quite mentally told my brain to go f***f .....Now i feel like i may be mental but it will not beat me-------- bloody dangerous though the thoughts you can have even when enjoying the benefits of the daily abstaining and maintaining............remembering the evil it is and the effects a screw up can cause really does help.
Best of luck to you in this b*****d battle and i really do understand the hypocrisy of the brain and how it separates gambling from our normal rationale in other issues.
Take care and armour up as it comes unexpectedly to try and take us down.
Wayne (LEST-WE-FORGET) DAY 7 GAMBLE FREE
Dear Urgh
Firstly thank you for the post and welcome to our joint struggles and successes'
I personally cannot afford to screw up again i have maxed out beyond imaginging and carry such debt i will be lucky to keep it from ruining other aspects of my life period.
I need to count the days as i have got complacent in the past and relapsed and each relapse has been progressively worse and more costly.
I appreciate what your saying and what you say has been proved in your favour each time and yet i need this to work now as have no more options.
This is it.
It has to be.........i want my life back......a real life worth living and not a gambling hell.
I will put into place aids as much as possible to ensure i have the best chance of success so any tips will be welcome by all.
Best of luck to you and everyone else in this mess
Bye for now
Wayne - Day 7 Gamble free (i cannot win if i gamble as i do not know how to stop and the longer i keep going the more i lose as all odds in everything gambling related are against the player otherwise it just wouldn't work or be a viable Business)
even a win is a loss as you go back or don't leave until it's gone.
Even people not addicted do not win if they play for long-----one would have to walk in and win and never return for life to actually be a real winner------i think that situaton is so rare i'd be surprised it exists.
Good night on that note
ODAAT wrote:
Welcome to recovery Wayne (LEST-WE-FORGET) 🙂
This too is my story! I am not stupid, I know what is right & what is wrong, I have no diagnosed mentall ill health...Why did I do it? Why did I let it last about as long as you have been alive? Truth is, I have no idea & it matters not, I am now where I need to be for the rest of my life...In recovery & if I can do it, anyone can!
I guess the therapists know the theory but only people like 'us' understand the compulsion that sucks us into this vile pit of despair 🙁 I hear your hopes & plans & wish you the very best! I will also offer you advice as you may need more than coming here alone & that is to put up blocks to break the Time-Money-Location triangle as without 1 we cannot gamble. For me, self exclusion was not enough but it helps me now. I handed over my finances to my partner, started my diary & found sites like this that not only offered advice & guidance but perhaps more importantly showed me other people in my shoes beating this over the head & that has been paramount to my recovery!
I hope it offers you the same strength throughout 2015 - ODAAT
urgh wrote:
Good luck on your diary.
I do have one thing to say and I usually say it when I can, is to not get disheartened when you slip up, because those days will happen, and you will probably get a lot of them. That's why I don't really advocate counting number of days and then beginning back to day 1, because it is heartbreaking, and isn't a good measure of progress as it puts too much pressure you on.
I could be doing better, but a lot worse. I used to gamble everyday. Now, it is maybe once a month, which is good, but could be better, because I am still losing damaging amounts.
checking in 363 days gamble free.....2 days to go to make my first entire year!!!
Congratulations to me, and everyone else in the 2015 challenge.
Looking forward to 2016 challenge as can never let this slip as ruin comes hard and fast in this addiction.
The future looks much more brighter nearly one year on.....i still have much debt but have paid a decent amount off and the best thing of all i have added no further debt to my bill via gambling..........all extra debts have been from normal lifes trials like car problems or domestic bills etc....
Life is starting to be good again, slowly but surely.
Hope you all had a good gamble free christmas, my christmas is on 28th December 2015 - a one year gamble free milestone 100%
Best Regards
LEST-WE-FORGET
so 97% don't make a year?
Do you know what percent make life long gamble free from being a complusive gambler and stopping??
Would be interesting to know.
Thank you GT
Regards
Lest-we-forget
Hi Everyone, Happy new year!!
Checking in day 369 - i managed my first year Gamble free and it feels so good to be writing that i almost can't believe it!
Looking forward to the next year gamble free now - 2016 CHALLENGE.
Thank you to all whom have give their time to comment and also run the challenge and keep track of all the days...it really has been a great help and made my first year a success.
Wishing you all a gamble free 2016.
It can be done - i've just proved that to myself and everyone here.
ABSTAIN COMPLETELY, MAINTAIN COMPLETELY, YOU CAN'T WIN AS YOU CAN'T STOP.
I also doing a drink free January - as had the hangover from hell last night on new years eve....but it was a celebration i'd earn't.
However i don't want to replace one addiction with another, hence the month drink free challenge.
Take care everyone
Best Regards
LEST-WE-FORGET
440 days gamble free - brought my self a nicest present to reward myself - a lovely gtr
If i was gambling i would never have had the slighest chance of owning such a car.
My goal is to pay off the loan i took to purchase it by working my a*s off and not giving a single dime to the addiction.
440 days gamble free........roll on the next 440 to come.......
And beyond.
We can do it ...
All the best
Wayne
LEST-WE-FORGET
NO GTR AND GAMBLE FREE DAYS 6 ONLY TO DATE AFTER MAJOR SCREW UP FROM 596 DAYS.
LEST-WE-FORGET
checking in day 1 of 2017 challenge
LEST-WE-FORGET
1st fall @ 596 days (28-DEC-2014 Join date - 16 August 2016 gamble free)
2nd fall @ a further 136 days Gamble free 17-Aug-16 to Ist Jan 2017
Restarted count 1st Jan 2017 (3rd time lucky....need to complete 2017 now without a single gamble for rest of year as first target)
Hope we all stay strong. Happy new year to you all.
Checking in day 23 Gamble free.
Its been hard this month but so far so good.
Best Wishes to all here combating this illness.
Regards
Wayne
LEST-WE-FORGET
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