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Simon

My friend the gift of the triangle was passed to me by a fellow member of my GA room,he has more than half a dozen years abstinence under his belt,he still finds time in his life to visit the room for those two hours a week. Not because he would have a punt if he did not attend but purely to gift something back.

The triangle is a gift to anybody who wants to arrest the destruction you really do need to just take away one element and your rational thinking is gifted the time to stick two fingers up to addiction.

Keep making the right choice,keep being honest with yourself too. this will gift your resolve greatly.

Thanks for popping by,it is great to walk by your side on this journey.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Well done Simon on resisting gambling, no you are not alone in thinking bank holiday is too much spare time and gambling time, I too felt that way. Believe it or not one of the most strongest triggers for gambling is BOREDOM (GA Website).

Thanks for advice of self excluding from bookies in different towns, will follow up on that, too many times the family have been shopping at a Trafford Centre and I have met up with them 4 hours later. They telling me how much money they have saved in the sales, me smiling but inside CRYING, HURTING, CRYING because I have just blown hundreds on the FOBT's.

this site is AMAZING BUT when I read some peoples threads , when they have wrote certain things , its like straight after reading it I ponder on what they have wrote and then bang out of nowhere I get one great almighty urge.

I do not blame people for what they have written as one they need to be honest and say it as it is and two it is only my weakness to this addiction that causes me to have an urge when I read something , hear something , write something or see something . With this being the case I have just read a diary and wam an almighty urge , but then realised I cant bet as I have taken away my access to money via my debit card by destroying my debit card and then have taken away one of the 3 points of the triangle , time , money location, thus leaving myself unable to gamble with or without an urge . I am so glad I have no card at the moment , it is really helping , although feel a little weak as I know if I had still of had my debit card I know I would of gambled by now , but on the other hand and this being the case I suppose I am strong as I have been strong enough to get rid of my card to enable myself to stop gambling , all the best simon

strange seems to be on and off constant slight urge still to gamble , why , why is this i have not pumped a drug into my vains what is going on its almosif i have , i crave , i think i must do that buzz , Well sorry addiction your not having me back , over a month now and still craving , infact stopped at one time and now started again on and off , so i suppose this must be the cold turkey time for coming off gambling , well heres to cold turkey , im not sure when the cold turkey comes to an end and at what point i will not crave to gamble and at what point i will have urges no more. Not copying Dunc it just seems appropriate at this moment in time , simon is stepping forward and never back . feel better now

well still here and still winning , winning because im still not gambling , and bonus credit card will be all paid off tomorrow , yip yip hurray , thats then getting cancelled , onwards and upwards , As for you my old friend or should i say 2 faced enemy [ addiction ] your not getting another penny out of me , ps i do buy one lucky dip lotto ticket weekly but only one and this brings no urge to online bet , keep strong everyone

Cheers for comments on my diary mate. Good to

see you doing so well.

all the best graeme

had a dream last night that I was thinking about gambling again , and in the dream I think I was thinking f**k it might aswell have another go as not done it for a while , and feel as though I could have a go and be able to walk away [ stop ] when I want without getting addicted again , and just before I woke up in the dream I think I had made a decision to gamble again . Then I woke up thinking was I wake thinking that or just dreaming , then realising I was dreaming I felt relief as that meant I was not thinking this for real , although I was worried as to why I would dream this , but then after arriving at work today while thinking about the dream I had , I thought to myself with no urge whatsoever that I don't want to gamble again and nor did I have an urge when awaking on when asleep in the dream , but when awake there was no urge atall . This I think is good as I read this as an urge while asleep but no urge when awaking this then tells me the urges are getting further and further away from me as if not I would of still felt the urge when awaking , but I didn't meaning [ hopefully ] the urge the addiction is finally becoming under control [ although I know I still always need to keep my guard up ] . Feeling much more positive now . bye bye addiction good ridens , I believe that buzz my body craved , my body is now learning to live without it , thankyou gamcare and everyone on this site as this site has given me the advice and tools I needed to start to move on and overcome this addiction , ps I know I cannot be complacent . moving forward

Simon

A great post my friend,I hope it gifted you as much therapy writing it as it did reading it.

I still dream from time to time about gambling,strangely always I am in a casino,a place I never visited in my gambling life and I don't intend to in my recovery!!

I awake smiling,not because the winning,but I see addiction is so weak that it has to pounce when I am asleep,I can see gambling for the wrecking ball it is today,good thing is fella you sit at the controls of your own wrecking machine

For that I salute you.

Your effort is repaying you in ways no punt ever would

For it well done

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks for your post to me, Simon. Exclusion is different here and they really don't care but your post really did get me thinking... I guess it has me realizing that I still, after all this time, have difficulty admitting that I lack control! Keep making the right choice!

wow what a couple of days , the last 48 hours have really tested me beyond what I have been tested before , I don't know why or how , I suppose as I was chatting to 2 people of how I had a struggle with gambling, this may have sparked something inside me that I was just not ready for . somehowe I then came to the conclusion that I was going to have another go at gambling, this scared me a little but I was convinced I would this time set limits and keep to them win so much then walk until the next day , or even loose so much then walk until the next day , a system in my head that probably wouldn't fail and keeping to it and even accepting in my head eventual losses but overall I would come away winning , if I had of had an account open and my debit card ready I know I would of gambled last night no question about it , I was like a train with engines on full speed but with failed brakes, no way of stopping , but I suppose self exclusion from all or most sites and my debit card destroyed I suppose these were my hidden brakes like an auto pilot stopping the train they were my hidden brakes stopping me . now though I think I have come to my senses and realised it would just not work , and will not ask for another card , but short term before I came to my senses, not having the card stopped me gambling when I was not being sensible , thanks for peoples comments all the best to everyone don't think this bug will ever go not once the seed has been planted , but just have to keep my guard up ready for when this bug shows its ugly face x

Well done Tryer on getting this far and learning so much about gambling addiction and yourself. Our greatest strength is to prepare ourselves for when we are at our weakest. You did this, we all know how uncontrollable it is when the urge comes calling but as long as your blocks are watertight the urge will not succeed. It won't be like this forever, the blocks I mean, they're there until you become totally weaned off gambling and your mind becomes clear again and you can see with all honesty just how ruinous gambling is to a gambling addict. Any love or excitement, desire etc for it will be gone by then. How long will this take? Only you will know. In the meantime keep doing what you're doing, every day you keep those blocks in place you become stronger, richer, calmer, honest and happy. I wish you well you deserve success for your efforts alone.

well let myself down and feel like i have let everyone else down on here aswell, that urge came and think i was weak and i just wanted that drug gambling , had spare cash to gamble with aswell which didnt help , convinced myself just play for fun and it will be ok or whatever , hate to say i enjoyed most of the 2 days i was gambling , although when i lost about 50 quid on one bet i got angry and worried and it reminded me of how i used to be when i gammbled all the while , ive been so silly so stupid , in total ive lost in 2 days 100 quid which is better than it could of been , it was online and even with no debit card and no credit card i still found a way , well at least ive stopped this time after 100 i suppose , but im annoyed with myself as now have to start afresh again from day one , even after basically telling others on here to try harder , i have now self excluded from this new site i used and another which i didnt try , normal life again tomorrow

the dissapointment set in earlier , went to bed for an hour or 2 just to sleep off my gambling hangover , i do not think it is the 100 i lost so much that is the problem but more the fact that i have started gambling again , i now must face the question head on , the question that i find myself asking myself which is can i ever stop gambling when i still enjoy gambling

. just before going to bed my head was all overthe place its like although i hav'nt had a massive slip , its like gambling again has took away my sanity again , short term though at least for now and hopefully i will not loose my sanity again as i hopefully will not gamble again. for anybody reading this i know as i have felt this way today then this is a reason not to gamble again, and this is the part i do not enjoy about gambling that should serve as a notice to myself that with these feelings of after gambling taken into account along with also the feelings of during gambling , then probably overall gambling is just not enjoyable.

that is my ongoing thought which could keep me from gambling again, gambling overall is just not enjoyable , not after you got out of the way the initial winning streak and it has turned a corner to loosing then chasing then loosing more and then the buzz is just replaced with heartache , gambling is just not enjoyable !

Simon

fella your posts of the last few days in my mind have been written by the two sides of your brain

The compulsive gambler side,rationalizing the loss as not a big one,tempting you to 'have another go'

the rational side,the side uncovered through your efforts at arresting the destruction seeing gambling in your life for what it is today,win or lose you will chase,the mantra of

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

all to clear for you to see.

For me long before I stopped the enjoyment was long gone,the thrill absent,in actual fact all I had to show for my efforts was a constant misery,self loathing and in a futile effort to regain my mind I carried on relentlessly punting.

Robbie box gifted my mind upon this forum that the act of gambling is

A WASTE OF TIME.

those words had a profound effect on my outlook of the act of gambling,it really is not about the stakes for me any more,to gamble again for me would mean I waste my valuable time.

I hope that you take a priceless lesson from your recent activity.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back