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thanks for your comments dunc , i know you right i am wasting my time literally when gambling , it was amazing how much i did not get done with just 2 days of gambling and also aazing how easy it was to start lieing again , and think these 2 days affected my work , lucky im self employed otherwise , may have not still been in work with effort not made at time of gambling . Not gambled again since and do not intend to , although to be honest i cannot say i will not gamble ever again , although i know i wont short term but i just hope wont ever do this stupid thing again . Although realising how happier i am with my life when not gambling, and how much more unhappy i am when gambling , and seeing your comment of waste of time it makes me think your right , apart from all the other s**t i get that comes from gambling , the time spent on it that could be put to better use , this time we spend on it we will never get back again , and we only live once so why waste this time in our lives gambling. so i will do my upmost not to gamble again , with honesty and since being on here with 2 slips i cannot say though i will not slip again , just being straight with myself . But i think i can *** this habbit . thanks

Hey tryer.... don't be too hard on yourself. It doesn't help. But do try to remember the feelings. Thanks for your post to me. I can relate to what you wrote about how you simply found another way despite no credit, etc. I suppose that is why I haven't bothered to do the things you recommended (though, truthfully, there are no repercussions to casinos here if they let a self-excluded gambler in). I think the key is getting into the right mindset. We can do this! Just get back on that horse and try to keep the feeling of the fall at the back of your mind and focus on that next time an urge surfaces. Best to you!

Hi Mate

Really sorry to read about your blip. I've had a couple of false starts too, so know how you feel. I totally agree with what the other guys are saying - don't be too tough on yourself, you have the knowledge and desire to turn this thing around.

You were one of the first people to post on my diary when I joined, and it helped me a lot - so just give the same advice and encouragement to yourself and you will beat this.

thanks guys , well bank holiday today and no gamble today,

feel a little out of control at the moment , not gambled again since my last slip , but just after posting on here [ no gamble today ] i then had urge silly or what , i then realised i have new debit card , and thought well just 100 quid maybe and just maybe the site i liked which i used last time maybe they had not excluded me yet like i asked them to, and then could still bet , well thanks at least for a company that acts on your request , i tried to get signed in 3 times nope self excluded so couldnt gamble , im glad and there none left i dont think for me to self exclude from so no point looking , so actually cant gamble today on internet even if i want lol. Not felt this out of control for a long while , its amazing how just placing that one bet puts you back in the passanger seat of a car when the addiction is driving you round in that car , effectivley then the addiction is controlling weather you gamble or not . I know what to do though ive been here before i must abstain for a long enough period to then put the addiction back in the passenger seat and put myself back in the driving seat and then enable myself to make the choice weather to gamble or not , and when i go back to that point i must not be silly again and think that one small bet is ok , as it just isnt because when you place that one small bet , like i say you just let that addiction take all the control back from you, and then its downhill from there, so i will abstain and maintain astaining , then i will make no silly decision for a small bet knowing that i cant as i know if i did , i know i could not stop once i have placed that first bet , question how am i stopping again now then ? well its hard but know i need to , and know that if i dont now i will probably never stop , but also brings me another question if i can stop now why not gamble again then stop later ? well apart from the money that i would loose the more i gamble the harder it will always become to stop gambling and so if i dont stop now instead of later , i might just find it too late to ever stop and then might then never be able to stop later . this is just getting it all straight in my own head , so sorry to anyone reading this who finds it hardwork to read .

ps have been thinking about mainly when i had my slip if these online casino people are bothered when we on this site are not gambling , i have come to the conclusion they are not , although we still must stay gamble free for our own sanity

So glad that things turned out ok for you today but could so easily have been a different outcome as you say. Like the car analogy of being in the driving seat or the passenger and know just how hard it is to stay on course.

Hope things get a little easier for you now you have worked through today as must have been a bit of a scare.

Don't think it matters what anyone else things as the one time we need to be selfish and as you say look after our own sanity.

Take care

xxx

Never give up giving up.

If a baby takes his/her first steps and falls does that mean for the rest of his/her life they will never walk?

Keep the faith.

Hi tryer

You did well on abstaining

Keep keeping strong and the light will come

One day at a time

Best wishes Suzanne xx

thanks wished and sean for your advice, after writing a big piece on my diary and deleting it by mistake I will try again lol.

when I was a child I did I think what is called lent I went 40 or almost 40 days without eating chocolate , bearing in mind chocolate is my other addiction, this feeling I had while refusing to eat chocolate while abstaining from eating it, this feeling I still remember , somehow my state of mind then, this feeling I had enabled me to , and to be honest, not easy but with a lot of control, enabled me to stop eating chocolate . Nothing else seems to be working for me not in the longrun , so I need another plan one that works for me. As recently like a big idiot I have let myself gamble again , this time it was worse money wise but also worse in the way that it was like this addiction was completely controlling my body, my body signed up to a new site entered my card details [ with my new card that arrived in the post , that I stupidly ordered ] my body then gambled away more money which once lost it made me very unhappy , but my body did all this with something this addiction controlling me with almost nothing I could do to stop myself . But its done now I must forget that lost money forget that lost time and move on .So going back to my giving up chocolate point , that feeling I had then when I did that , that state of mind I had then when I did that , I still remember that and so will be now on and forever having that state of mind , thinking that way , and having that feeling , to use in my fight against gambling to stop gambling.To be honest im not going to be on here much in the short term, as I feel this way of thinking needs to be done without posting, at the moment at least, thanks for everyones help on here, it has been very helpful and greatly appreciated , a special thanks to dunc , for your honest advice. Ps I have also destroyed my new debit card and have selfexcluded from sites newly joined , although there unfortunately are new ones there everyday if you look so I could not possibly self exclude from new ones before using them or before joining them as I would be there all day everyday if I tried . But I have now selfexcluded from all sites I have joined and intend ecspecially with this way I am going to make myself feel towards stopping gambling and the state of mind I will now put myself in towards stopping gambling intend not to join anymore . Thanks everyone hope everyone succeeds on there journey , we all have to stop whatever way each of us is able to stop , thanks simon

Hello tryer,

Thanks for your posts on my diary. I meant to reply earlier but real life has been a little hectic just at the moment (not gambling, thank GOD).

I've read the first few entries of your slog and will continue reading the rest over the next day or two. I also skipped to the bit where you lost 100 (because I saw from your recent entries that you'd had a blip). I just wanted to say, a lot of people have a blip somewhere along the first weeks, and they usually disappear off the site at this point. Your reaction ,the cancelling of your debit card and renewed self-exclusions, really puts you down as a grafter, not a quitter, and I think you should put your blip down to - sorry about the cliche - a learning experience. It won't have been wasted if you get something positive from it, and it sounds like you have.

This site is not a recovery tool that's appropriate for everyone, but personally I find it easier to abstain when I'm active here than when I'm not. there's mistakes both time, but at least coming here and reading and posting have a drip-drip-drip effect in the brain and reinforce the message that we must keep going. Good luck if you go it alone, but I wonder if you shouldn't hang around a little longer until you're further into your recovery...in any case, you're always welcome back.

Regards

Mm

not been here for a while , just thought i will clock in , this site has defo helped me but i do feel somehowe that being on here reminds me of gambling and then sometimes can have an adverse effect. so i will probably be on here only very rarely , i suppose its like some people on here have said it works better for some than others. however since being on here last i have managed not to gamble , although have had erges and have even worked out stupid systems that could not work as you might loose less amount of times to winnining but the amount you loose on a loss is always much higher than the amount you win on a win , so overall this is why gambling just does not pay . And that not taking into account the time it takes away from your life and ect ... ect ... which these downfalls to gambling would still be there even if you could win , but as ive just said you cannot win because payout on a win always less than the amount you loose or you pay them on a loss. Wish i had of realised the obvious point many thousands ago , but whats done is done , doing great at the moment realising this point seems to have killed off my erges . Although about 10 days ago i did try a gambling game online, only a play for fun though not for money [ but you can play this for money if you want ] i dont nesseserily reccomend it , infact i dont , but doing this actually made me realise the point that i have stated above and so has helped me to stop . I think and hope i will not gamble again now and feel comfortable about doing saying . i have learned that by not gambling you are winning money that you have worked hard for and winning it by not placing the bet in the first place , ie keeping hold of money you have by not gambling , whereas if you had of gammbled you would of lost it all , and with addiction setting in when gambling , even if you won a bit you could not stop until you have lost it all again and all the money you have . I feel so much better and hope everyone on here does get to this point to [ although i know i am no where near days wise how far some people on here have come ] thanks again for all support , i will still come here from time to time but not all the time as because as i said it still can tempt me reaing other stories , but will still post on my diary and support on other diarys now and then as i think i should

not counting the days, just not gambling although I think sometimes if I were able to play these silly games without loosing masses of money then I probably would because at times it was really fun to play them , but unfortunately when playing them you have to loose loads then get addicted then nearly loose everything , so for this reason I choose not to play these games anymore , I don't feel addicted anymore , and then feel I now have the choice to choose weather to play or not , and I choose not to mainly because I am not willing to loose another penny on these silly , stupid sites. although I know If I were to gamble again I would get addicted , and I am not prepared to go down that road again . onwards and upwards [ every penny I earn today im keeping ]

today has been a big day in the grand scheme of things , the enormity of how much money I have lost gambling , I have just realised this finally , yes before I knew while still addicted , yes after that when I felt this addiction did not have a hold over me anymore I knew, But now it has hit me for real which is a good thing in a way but it also makes me realise how silly I have been to waste that amount of money , I could understand maybe loosing 2 or 3 grand , but surely after that amount of money I lost then surely I would realise its a no brainer that I must stop , that this silly game just does not pay , but NO I had to carryon and waste a massive 44000 before stepping up and stopping . I punish myself now a little I think I would like to buy that or that ect... and know that if I had not gambled , I could of afforded it , and then I say to myself well that will teach you a lesson not to gamble as now you cant have what you want because of your own stupidity and true you/I might think this will teach me not to gamble again [ as if I want anything I cannot gamble to make sure I will one day be able to afford it ] but also it hurts a little thinking this way , I also don't let myself buy little things sometimes to punish myself for being stupid for loosing a massive amount of money . I suppose I did not stop at 2-3 grand as because of the addiction and an addiction which everybody on here knows when in full swing I/we had no control over our gambling , but now I do believe I have control back again and I will not gamble again , afterall now this addiction is gone , I have at least learned from the 44000 I have lost never ever to gamble again . from the heart with full realisation

Hi tryer

I know exactly where you are coming from the reality of all the money we have lost is quite frightening when we think about it but as you say we have to come to terms with it all so we can move on

And we have moved on and away from that awful self destruction no it's not easy now but we know it will get better as family's trust us again and the debt goes down and not least we get our self respect back

And that is soo positive for us

Keep strong and keep going through the negatives

Best wishes

Suzanne x

slight urge yesterday as new phone and bumped into a new company which gives a phone app to join a company so i could gamble my life away , so went into trance for a couple of mins then reality kicked in as i realised no this is stupid and you can just not win as even if you do you then cant stop and then carryon until you loose your winnings , your original balance and more and more and everything , sorry app must those days are gone for me ! thanks i wished i know your right