On Top of the World!!!!

Still here. Still gamble free. Am now six months down the line. Half a year! Counting down the months until I am debt free. I have done the hard yards. The sleeplessness. The tears. The utter desolation at the lies and addiction. I am not going back. No more pain. No more debts. No more gambling! I am alive again with all the happiness, disappointments and sometimes ordinaryness that life in the real world brings. Thanks for reading. My best wishes to all on here.

Minor celebration due. This is the longest I have been without a bet in my entire adult life. 7 months. (I am 46) I was going to stop posting until I got to a year as to be honest I don't really feel part of the gambling world anymore and for all the amazing and supportive things I have received from this site I am trying to look forward and not just count the days since my last bet or think too much on my past...Anyway here I am, so much more than gamble free. My debts are disappearing and I live each day grateful and proud that I have kicked this vicious, unforgiving habit. I still have as little access to cash as possible by paying off debt as soon as I get paid and I will soon revisit local bookies to reconfirm my self exclusions and so that any new staff would recognise me. I think these precautions are probably unnecessary ...but why take the chance. I love my family. I love my life and I LOVE NOT BEING A GAMBLER.

Very hard to admit this but after spending 7 months clean I gradually slipped. I have spent 5 months slowly tangling myself back into the same old habits. I kept hoping for one last win to get all...then most...then some of it back but... everyone here will know the inevitable outcome(and deep down so did I!)

Although I feel many of the same sick addiction feelings as before. I know I will beat this as I did before. I know exactly what to do and I will do it. The thing which I take some comfort from is that last time I was in this situation I only stopped when I financially had to (ie I had maxed out my account and cred card) this time I am not in debt and I actually have some savings left! I could gamble today but I won't.

I am truly ashamed and annoyed that I had worked so hard to get myself free but have ended up here again. I was really hoping to be a shining example of recovery. Sorry everyone.

I feel very low but I am deeply resolved this time that I will not succumb to this madness again. A big part of the problem for me is the impatience factor. I want to do something to get my losses back now but I can't. The only thing that might do it is gambling... Tried that. Over and over. For 20 years. Doesn't work. Even if I did get it back I know I wouldn't stop. Time will clean this filth from my mind. Time(and hard work) will replenish my savings. I keep thinking of the Take That song "Patience"... " These scars run so deep. It's been hard but I have to believe.'Cause I need time. My heart is numb, has no feeling. So while I'm still healing just try and have a little patience."

Can totally relate 2 the impatience factor it seems to be a big trait with all or most cgs.

It is the addiction telling you to try and win ur way out of trouble playing we games with you all seems so simple when we mental bet but becomes a nitemare when we place the bets.

I remember having my last 100 quid on wayne rooney to score the first goal 4 england gary cahill i think scored first and wayne rooney scored the second and third goal i was gutted.

I remember having 20 quid on jordan rhodes to score the first goal in a friday nite game nearly a year ago he didnt scord the first goal but he scored the next 5 goals in the game.

Its a mad game try and take it a day at a time u wont make any easy money in the bookies.

You wer 7 months bet free so u know u can do it again i notice u dont post very often so maybe posting more can become an extra tool in your recovery although i understand posting reguarly isnt 4 everyone.

Take care and i hope everyting works out 4 u!

sorry about the slip. ya had some good time in and you can do it again. dont pay to dwell on the losses cause they'll only eat ya up. new day and brighter future starting for ya. stay strong

Thanks for reading and posting. I appreciate your thoughts and support. I feel a bit better today and I will try to post more often. I can see a way through all this. Self exclusion,no access to £ and keep busy. Unfortunately I have taken this way before and thought I was clear. I will do it again and make sure I don't relax this time. I know there is no other option.

When I wake up tomorrow I will have access to enough money to pay off my credit card. as I have just cashed in some savings(my last). I will have the option to do this and then cut up my credit card or use the money for one last attempt to get some money back through gambling. At the moment I am sure I will make the right choice but then I have done some sickeningly crazy things over the last 20 years. Feet don't fail me now...

Hi

Just offering u some more support , a big well done for sticking with it its so tough in the early stages just don't give in and go back u know deep down its not the answer

Plan tomorrow well with the money come on here and av a good read , read back ur opening post and remember how u were feeling when u wrote it

It really is all bout choices so tomorrow make the right one ultimately though only u can make it

I wish u all the best

Castle2

Thanks for the support Castle2. You make a simple but hugely important point..."its so tough in the early stages." Especially when you are locked in a self destructive spiral of chasing losses. Today I did break that vicious downward spiral. I paid off my credit card and cut it up. It is easy to not gamble when you don't have any money or any means to get any but today I had the choice and I was able to make the right one. I had a substantial amount of cash in my account and I had time but... I DIDN'T GAMBLE. I have some really enjoyable work today and then a lovely weekend with my family. I feel so sorry and ashamed of all my gambling and will do so for a long time but just for now a small sense of pride in my actions today and an optimism for the future is cheering me up. Thank you everyone for listening to my thoughts. Have a great gamble free weekend.

A great gamble free weekend. Ready to start a new week. Lots of things to do. One of them will not be gambling. It is amazing how much mental space and energy you have when you are not obsessing about gambling. Have just cut up my credit card. I must keep looking forward and work hard. Heard Edgar Davids say last night on news "Tough times will pass but tough men will last." Thanks Edgar.

Great saying diggoryboy and great attitude keep going your heading in the right direction.

Take care

Blondie

Thanks Blondie. Have been working hard today. Getting things done. Just an ordinary day. Still find my mind straying to thoughts of a sporting event and wondering what the odds might be. I have no intention of betting and due to giving myself limited access to money would find it very difficult to anyway but old psychological habits die hard... I can't really describe it as an urge more just a conditioned, habitual, mental response from having spent 20 years gambling on sport. A week ago when I resolved to stop for good I knew I would have to avoid any contact with sport as it is a major trigger for me. I know that the more sporting events that pass by that I don't bet on will be an ever increasing barrier between me and gambling. So after 8 days I am saying today: No sport and definitely No gambling!!!

Yesterday was a good day. Worked very hard and got lots done. Hopefully something similar today. This is all a little bit deja vu. I quit last year at a very similar time and found my initial energy and focus on not gambling was very strong. I got in the habit of paying off my debt each month and for six months evrything was fine. I felt a new man. But gradually I relaxed my guard and after another month I started a few sports bets and then FOBTS and hell.This was because I forgot that I am an addict and cannot stop. I feel even at this early stage that I will get through the short term fine. I am resolved, self excluded and still feeling angry and clear headed enough to not even contemplate gambling. But the test will come later next year. I hope I can be strong enough to remember that I cannot let this madness back into my life. It is frustrating that this clarity and sense only seems to occur after I have devastated my finances. If I can still be as strong and not relax/forget in the Spring then I will be in a very different place. Still taking one day at a time but looking ahead to beating this demon forever!

Thanks for your post diggorboy,much appreciated.-I can see the similarities in our posts.

It really does prove that the first bet really is the one to avoid,-i thought i was cured last spring time after abstaining for around 6 months,but it didnt take me long to be back in full flight as a compulsive gambler.

I thought i had things sussed with no debit card,exclusion from local bookies-but i found other ways to deposit,and have been doing it ever since-up to yesterday,but like you im fully confident of succeeding at least short term,we gota learn from our past complancency.

I take on board what you say about avoiding sports on tv etc,im already planning working at home sat arvo,its filling that huge gambling shape void that is the problem.

I gave up buying papers,which i still do not do-which defo helps but i do enjoy watching racing, cricket and tennis,football i can take and leave,old habits die hard i suppose,were trying to change habits of a lifetime,im hoping finding new interests will use up any spare time that was previously wasted.

Keep busy,keep strong and keep posting,thanks again for your advice.