One big hit and your addicted

Good mourning all,

I had my 1 on 1 therapy last night. Progressing well, and ready to tackle some new goals. Tonight I have my group therapy class, and I'am looking forward to that. I'll be moving towards the end of this month into my new place, and ready to do some good fishing and walks along the river banks. I've had very little thoughts of gambling lately, the more I get involved in my program for getting fit, that will help keep my focus on something positive, it's something that I allowed gambling to take from me, I will now recapture that in time. I wish you all the best in your recovery process.

Chicagoguy

Congrats mate keep up the good work 🙂

The bear

Hi ChicagoGuy,

Thanks for your post on my diary last night... and good work on your thread sharing output from your therapy groups. I guess I must have misread some of it, as it almost reads like I'm not a CG - blatantly not true, I might not know much of what is going on, but I know my gambling isn't 'right'!

It's nice to read from a handful of your posts on here that you seem to be getting yourself to where you want to be in life... would read more but 40 pages and my attention-less brain is never going to manage that... at least not in one sitting 🙂

I hope it continues to go to plan for you, all the best,

Mikey

Hello all,

Just got home from my group therapy class, very interesting topic tonight, "feelings", so I'am going to post some info for everyone below.

(FEELINGS)

1. FEELINGS ARE DIFFERENT THAN THOUGHTS.

* THOUGHTS USUALLY COME IN SENTENCES.

* FEELINGS ARE USUALLY DESCRIBED IN ONE WORD.

2. FEELINGS NEED NOT BE JUSTIFIED TO OTHER PEOPLE.

* YOU MAY WANT TO EXPLAIN OR RATIONALIZE YOUR FEELINGS TO SOMEONE ELSE BUT AREN'T OBLIGATED TO.

3. FEELINGS ARE EXPERIENCED BY ALL PEOPLE.

4. FEELINGS MUST BE NAMED TO BE DEALT WITH.

5. POSITIVE FEELINGS INCREASE IN INTENSITY WHEN VERBALIZED.

NEGATIVE FEELINGS DECREASE IN INTENSITY WHEN VERBALIZED.

6. WHEN NEGATIVE OR TROUBLESOME FEELINGS ARE IGNORED OR DENIED, A VARIETY OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CAN SURFACE, I.E. HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, ULCERS, ANXIETY, NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS, IMPATIENCE, INSECURITY.

7. WE HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT OUR FEELINGS.

8. VERBALIZING FEELINGS INCREASES THE LEVEL OF INTIMACY/CLOSENESS BETWEEN PEOPLE.

9. FEELINGS COME THROUGH "COVER-UP," DENYING WORDS: I.E., "I"M NOT EMBARRASSED!" BUT BLUSHING, OTHER PHYSICAL GIVEAWAYS: TEARS, SHAKING KNESS, TIGHTENING LIPS, PERSPIRATION.

10. ALL FEELINGS ARE OK--NOT ALL BEHAVIORS ARE.

11. "OH YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL BAD!" (OR GUILTY, OR DUMB, OR NERVOUS, OR SCARED, ECT., ECT.)

**** NOT A HELPFUL STATEMENT. USUALLY SENDS THE MESSAGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. ALLOW PEOPLE THE COURTESY TO FEEL WHAT THEY ALREADY ARE FEELING ANYWAY. TO HEAR THEM OUT WILL DECREASE THE INTENSITY OF THEIR NEGATIVE FEELINGS FAR FASTER THAN TRYING TO CONVINCE THEM NOT TO FEEL BAD.

12. WE ALL HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE HOW WE ARE GOING TO REACT TO ANY GIVEN SITUATION; HOW INTENSE OUR FEELING WILL BE IN THAT SITUATION , AND HOW LONG WE WILL HANG ON THOSE FEELINGS.

(COMMUNICATION PLAN)

TAKE TIME BY YOURSELF. THINK ABOUT WHAT THOUGHTS YOU ATTACHED TO THE WAY YOU ARE FEELING. TRY TO OBJECTIVELY DEFINE THE PROBLEM AND ASSESS YOUR OWN ROLE IN THE MATTER. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, WANTS ETC.

**ASK your partner for a convenient time to talk (timing is important)

**IDENTIFY issues-- a behavior or an event that you say or felt happened. Check in with other to understand if you both are talking about the same issue.

**DECIDE who will discuss their side first. When it is your turn, express your beliefs and your role in the event with the use of "I" messages, stay the issue.

**EXPRESS what feelings came out of these beliefs.

**OTHER does the same. Stay the issue. LIsten to the other (this does not mean using the listening time to work on your presentation).

**EACH person presents possible options; compromises that could lead to resolution.

**REVIEW conclusions made so that both leave communication with the same understanding.

(COMPARISONS OF COMMUNICATION BEHAVIOR STYLES)

**(PASSIVE)

Characteristics: Allow others to choose for you. Emotionally dishonest. Indirect, self-denying, inhibited, win-lose situation which you lose.

**(AGGRESSIVE)

Characteristics: Choose for others. Inappropriately honest (tactless). Direct, self-enhancing. Self-expressive, derogatory. Win-lose situation which you win.

**(PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

Characteristics: Appear to others as passive. You find indirect ways of getting your own way or you punish others for not giving you what you want.

**(ASSERTIVE)

Characteristics: Choose for self. Appropriately honest, direct, self-respecting, self-expressing, straightforward. Convert win-lose to win-win.

**(PASSIVE)

Your own feeling on the exchange: Anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated. Angry at self and/or others.

**(AGGRESSIVE)

Your own feeling on the exchange: Righteous, superior, controlling. Later, possibly guilty.

**(PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

Your own feeling on the exchange: Anxious, ignored, angry, manipulated, superior, controlling. Later: possibly guilty.

**(ASSERTIVE)

Your own feeling on the exchange: Confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, valued. Later: accomplished.

**(PASSIVE)

Other's feelings in the exchange: Guilty or superior. Frustrated with you.

**(AGGRESSIVE)

Other's feelings in the exchange: Humiliated, defensive, resentful, hurt.

**(PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

Other's feelings in the exchange: Initially: guilty or superior, frustrated. Later: humiliated, defensive, resentful, hurt.

**(ASSERTIVE)

Other's feelings in the exchange: Valued, respected.

**(PASSIVE)

Other's view of you in the exchange: Lack of respect. Distrust. Can be considered a push-over. Do not know where you stand.

**(AGGRESSIVE)

Other's view of you in the exchange: Vengeful, angry, distrustful, fearful.

**(PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

Other's view of you in the exchange: Initially: lack of respect. Confusion about your position. Later: vengeful, angry, distrustful, fearful.

**(ASSERTIVE)

Other's view of you in the exchange: respectful, trust, know where you stand.

**(PASSIVE)

Underlying belief system: I should never make anyone uncomfortable or displeased... except myself.

**(AGGRESSIVE)

Underlying belief system: I have to put others down in order to protect myself. I should always get what I want, no matter what the effect on others.

**(PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

Underlying belief system: I should never confront anyone directly. I rarely get what I want, so I have to settle for getting even.

**(ASSERTIVE)

Underlying belief system: I have a responsibility to protect my own rights, and I respect others but not necessarily their behavior.

**(PASSIVE)

Outcome: Others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated.

**(AGGRESSIVE)

Outcome: You achieve you goal at others' expense. Your rights upheld; others violated.

**(PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE)

Outcome: Initially: Others appear to achieve their goals at your expense. Later: you achieve your goals indirectly or you punish others.

**(ASSERTIVE)

Outcome: Outcome determined by above-board negotiation. Yours and others rights respected.

Chicagoguy

Hi Chicargo

Great piece of work passed on to all your gamcare family!! I totally agree with the thoughts (triggers), leading onto the behaviour/emotions and naming that emotion. By naming it, we then have options on how we can deal with that emotion in hopefully a positive way.

Thanks again for taking the time for sharing this very useful information.

Take care.

Feb.

Chicago,

Well done on your continued abstinence. It seems like your recovery is bringing clarity to your mind, which is really great to see.

As part of the CBT course I've been following, they outline a simple pattern to each instance of gambling. In (very) simple terms:

1. GAMBLING THOUGHT - 2. MEANS TO GAMBLE (time / finance etc) - 3. GAMBLING ACTIVITY

In the short-term, if you can work on eliminating one part of this trio (generally part 2) you can make it impossible to gamble. By breaking the habit, you'll learn that Part 1 + Part 2 doesn't always have to equal Part 3. Then, in time, you can train your brain to have fewer gambling thoughts, thus giving you more chance of long-term success.

My point here being that when CGs are active, and can't keep away from gambling, then any gambling thought seems to lead to an inevitable consequence to gamble. I have felt it many times before... thinking about having a bet feels like an unbearable weight that can only lead to a complete meltdown. But it need not be like that...

D123

Hi Chicago,

Thanks for sharing that info on your diary. i think trying to understand our addiction can be really helpful. Some I know prefer to just accept and not worry about the why but I am an inquisitive soul and knowing why would be a big thing for me.

Huge congratulations on your continued abstinence it is a long hard road but we can make it far easier for ourselves by putting the necessary measures in place. You are a great presence on this site bringing so much enthusiasm and positive energy it's great to see.

Take Care,

Flagg

Hello Gamcare family,

Just enjoying my day, beautiful weather over here today. Started my day off with a nice healthy egg beaters omelet, diced ham and green pepper in it. Toped it off with a dusting of 7 cheese italian blend, and a glass of carrot juice. Went for a nice walk, planning to do another one later. For my late lunch I had mini catfish tacos, seared the catfish in a pan with drizzled olive oil, and topped it off with sharp cheddar cheese and freshly squeezed lemon juice. Also a side off steamed broccoli to finish the meal off. I'am I making you hungry yet? No thoughts of gambling, just trying to be focused on eating healthier. I hope everyone is doing well today, and for today I will not gamble.

Chicagoguy

So good you are finding so many different things to focus on. Had a really healthy meal tonight cooked by a friend then came home and ruined it all eating easter eggs, maybe you and duncs should start a recipe thread.

xxx

Evening meal was shrimp and mushroom omelet made with egg beaters and two slices of cantaloupe on the side. The shrimp was fresh, so I had to peel off the shell, and I sautéed it in light virgin olive oil along with the fresh sliced mushrooms, then pour the egg beaters on top and lid it until you can flip half of it over on top of the other half, lid it again until the eggs are cooked, top it with a dusting of parmesan cheese, before you plate it.

Chicagoguy

Hey Chicago,

Sounds like you are quite the chef there. I dread the thought of going through and tossing out all of the junk food on our shelves AGAIN. I lost 40 pounds a year or so ago and have been steadily putting it back on. As usual your posts have inspired me. So, maybe it's time to get back at it again. Thanks for your support Chicago. -joanxx

Hey Chicago chef lol,

Loving the menus, I think you have a hidden talent there my friend.

Love the post from your therapy session some interesting and thought proving reading and lots that I can relate to.

Keep up the great work

Take care

Blondie

Hello all,

Just got back from a nice walk, beautiful day out

today. Saw a woodpecker going to town on a tree, amazing how fast they can move there head back and worth. Planning an egg beater omelet for lunch today. I have some fresh sliced mushrooms and a orange bell pepper to dice up and add into it, along with some diced ham. Dinner will be salmon or rainbow trout, with steamed asparagus. This is truly helping me to keep my mind from having gambling thoughts. I feel anything positive you can do to help yourself in your recovery process is good.

I've really come along way since my last day of action which was on Jan. 7 2013. This addiction can be stopped with some determination and great support. I wish you all the best in your recovery process.

Recovering compulsive gambler,

Chicagoguy

Hi Chicagoguy

Just shows how the simple things in life can be appreciated when we abstain from gambling , b4 all we did was think live and gamble nothing else on our minds , breaking that mindset is important only when that is done we can move forward

And that is exactly what ur doin , really pleased for u

Castle2

Thanks for your message of support Chigagoguy.

Hopefully it will get easier after sometime but this time it feels like gambling got a stronger grip on me than other recovery attempts. But I will do it and keep up with my abstinence.

You keep up the good work u have been doing as well my friend.

All the best,

Ergos