One day at a time.

Well done Scott keep it going! You can do this. All the best.

Good on ya Scott mate.looks like we have the same recovery start date :O) Keep going bud

Day 14.

Another good day, I did not gamble. I will not gamble. It was also good because I got the day off tomorrow, which means I'm off work until August. Woo! I have a lot of things to keep me busy, it won't be 10 days of doing nothing - Which is what I need really, the devil usually did find work for my idle hands to do.

I'm still finding it all too easy at the moment, more so than ever before. Not sure whether it's a good or bad thing. COMPLACENCY is still the word that spring to mind. Which is why I need to dig deeper and get to the bottom of why I gambled. There was a time when I did love to gamble, but it's been years since I got a good feeling from it. Even a win felt hollow after a while. For me, I believe it got to the stage where I was just self harming. I dunno. It's why I need to keep going to GA, keep coming here and keep it fresh in my mind. Have been talking more to my girlfriend today about it all, she's definitely been more interested in delving deeper herself, obviously she wants me to conquer this too. She has been very supportive, despite all that has gone before.

So yeah, still feeling very positive, but definitely being more reflective and starting to look for some real meaning. It will come, in time. One day at time.

Thanks,

Scott

Day 15.

Been a strange day. Had to get the house tidied for the letting agent to come round for a viewing with only a few hours notice - so things were frantic for a while. After that, I just felt on edge, have felt anxious and tense for no actual reason.

Went to another GA meeting tonight, which seemed to alleviate the anxiety. Feel great now, some great therapies and conversations were had. I'm definitely looking forward to the meetings now, which has to be a positive. Head felt a bit fuzzy during my therapy, but I seemed to manage ok.

Going to bed shortly, been quite exhausting all in all. Definitely feel like I'm making progress and the urges are still nowhere to be seen. Mind you, with the anxiety I felt today, I just know I would have gambled before. Things have changed for the better, I know it. I even bought a smart shirt today, just as a small treat. Just little things, but they make a difference.

Just for today, I did not gamble.

One day at a time.

Thanks

Scott

Hiya Scott,

How did the move go? Everything OK with you?

Day 17.

Hi Jim, still in the process of moving. Didn't post on my diary yesterday (though I did post on the site), the first day I haven't since my first day of not gambling. Been too busy really, but I feel a bit annoyed I didn't post.

Been feeling great the last few days, the medication is seemingly calming me down. Had some lovely sushi with the missus, had a few beers and generally just been at peace. I haven't forgotten any of the past, but still feel focused on the future.

My girlfriend also got me a book from the library today, about overcoming gambling. From the little I did read, it seems to contradict a lot of what Gamcare and GA say, but it's not a conventional book. Whereas I've been concentrating with day at a time, this book suggests otherwise. I haven't read it in depth yet, so I can't really comment fully - either way, it's good to get different perspectives on this illness, there is no one single miracle cure.

Now I'm about to watch the Boxing. Would probably have had money on it in the past, though sports betting was never a real problem for me, or so I thought. Even betting a few quid for fun was putting me in that mindset of trying to win money and giving me that buzz. I don't want any of it, I don't NEED any of it. Absolute mug's game.

So yeah, just going to watch some sport with a beer and relax. Feel so much better for being gamble free, it's how life should be.

Just for today, I did not gamble.

One day at a time.

Thanks

Scott

Day 18.

A quiet day, am enjoying my time off work. Still busy with the move to London, still feeling overwhelmingly positive. It's quite sickening really. The combination of not gambling and anti depressants has definitely improved the way I feel. Am sick to death of gambling, the very idea of it makes me want to vomit. So I'm doing the smart thing - not thinking about it.

Amy Winehouse's death and people's reaction to it has been quite eye opening. Some have been telling sick (and quite rubbish) jokes, whereas some have passing judgement on her and her addiction. I know compulsive gambling is a different situation to drug addiction - but I can still empathise with her. Drink and drugs took over her life, the same way gambling takes over ours. I wasn't even a fan of her work, but I just despair at people not having the basic decency and compassion towards a fellow human being dying. Gambling has taken many lives through suicide, stress etc, the very nature of addiction stops human beings from being able to function. It's this lack of understanding or compassion that just makes addicts worse, in my opinion. This may sound like self pity, but it isn't - my addiction is my fault, I know this - but it doesn't define me or any of us.

Well that's my spleen vented, I feel better now.

Just for today, I did not gamble.

One day at a time.

Thanks

Scott.

well said scott - addidction is addiction no matter what you are addicted to and we can all relate to amy winehouses situation!!!

But remember you are in the right place to defeat this problem - no matter what any book says day by day is the way forward!!

I always remember a saying if you were going to eat an elephant how would you do it - one bite at a time!! we must crawl before we can walk because if we dont we can lose sight of the bigger picture!!

As each gamble free day passes our inner strength grows - but remember do not become complacent!!! Stay strong mate - another day without gambling is an other good day!!!!

Day 20.

Just for today, I did not gamble.

Been quite reflective today. It's nearly 3 weeks since I came on here in utter despair, wondering whether I had the strength to carry on. It was really the most frightening and most depressing time of my life, I really saw nothing else. It was rock bottom. Not in terms of the money spent, more in terms of the lies and pointless of it all. I had just hit the wall, I was sick of feeling that way. So much has changed now. Been doing 2 meetings of GA a week, the medication has settled down, I feel part of something here, the counselling is going well and above all, I'm feeling great. I feel like I have a reason to live and a reason to enjoy life again. Just simple things that I'd forgotten about.

GA meeting tonight was really helpful, a couple of the lads there were struggling with their recovery, they were getting urges again. It was good to reassure them and help them see the error of thinking that way. Really like the idea of giving something back to the fellowship that is helping me.

Anyhow, that's it for today. Another great day, free from gambling and free from the thought of gambling.

One day at time.

Thanks

Scott

Hey Scott great to see you've reach day 20 🙂

I can emphasise with you feeling you'd hit rock bottom in terms of the lies and pointlessness of it all but what a fantastic feeling it is now you've reached 3 weeks! You have come a long way in such a short time and isnt it an amazing feeling to know you are helping someone else who is suffering from this illness that we all have on here...

Keep on with your journey, remember that progressing a little bit day by day is better than not progressing at all.

Take care Scott x

I must mirror what Kim has written. THREE WEEKS of not throwing your hard earned money and possibly your happiness away!! It is an achievement you should be proud of!! Please don't be complacent, keep your focus. The little monster that needs to be fed is always within striking distance. Punch it in the face every d**n day!

Here's to being free of it tomorrow!!

It sounds like you are doing great bud not only by going 3 weeks without gambling but your willingness to help others who are in the same situation as us. You truly are an inspiration and if any one thinks they cant kick the habbit they should read your diaries!!! I wish i could do more to help people too but going to ga meetings isnt possible as there is no way i can admit my last blip!!

keep up the good work!!!! all the best Hayden

Three weeks is brilliant!

Just keep thinking about how you feel now compared with three weeks ago.

This will make you never, ever want to go back to the evil gambling world.

All the best.

GT

Thanks for all your comments, they really do help.

Day 22 completed today, feeling great. Still got so much ahead of me to do regarding the move to London, but I'm calm and happy. I can only imagine what state I'd be in if I was gambling right now - I'd feel sick, I'd have no money, I'd be totally depressed, I'd be lying again, I'd be nervous, I'd be preoccupied, I'd be restless, sleepless and listless. It's amazing what we put ourselves through, for absolutely nothing.

Not got a great deal to say today, but I'm still doing well and feeling it too. This is the first time in my life where I can honestly see a future without gambling. I've abstained before, but it never really went away, it just lingered. I battled against it.....this time, I'm not. I'm just getting on with my life and realising it's infinitely more satisfying without the spectre of gambling. I'm done with it, I hate it.

Just for today, I did not gamble. One day at a time.

Thanks again,

Scott

Great to read that last post of yours Scott. You are truely focused and have willpower to get through to the otherside out of the dark hole that is gambling into the bright sunshine which is called Life... I like your comparisson to what state you'd be in now if you'd been gambling; feeling sick, no money, restless, negative after negative. But thats NOT whats happening and those feeling can be locked away and left behind, let hope they stay lost forever.

Most excellent work Scott i'm really pleased for you and your achievement so far 🙂

Kim x